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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask why problems seem worse at 3am?

70 replies

Storm4star · 01/11/2018 10:41

I have a stressful situation going on. It's not the end of the world, it's resolvable in a relatively short space of time. There isn't much I can do right now to fix it, it will just take a little time. I know this and during the day I feel ok. A bit fed up, but ok. But I woke up at 3am stressing about it, thinking of (unlikely) worst case scenarios, getting panicked about it etc. So I was thinking why do problems all seem so much worse in the middle of the night than in the light of day? I think I finally got back to sleep about 5:30. How do I make my rational day brain tell my night brain to relax?!

OP posts:

Mari50 · 01/11/2018 10:47

Haha, I suffer from this enormously. So much so that I have an internal protocol at work which is ‘have I done enough with this situation that if I wake at 3am it won’t start me down a rabbit hole of catastrophising’
If you work out a solution let me know.
I’m a terrible worrier though, I recognise how utterly futile the exercise is but I spend inordinate amounts of time doing it. Definitely a hinderance in life and sadly something I appear to have passed on to my dd.

brizzledrizzle · 01/11/2018 10:48

It's horrible isn't it?
I have a good book ready on my kindle and read that. If it's really awkward then I play games on a tablet or go and have a shower, occasionally I get up and watch TV.
Do you need to chat about what is bothering you?

Original poster

Storm4star · 01/11/2018 10:59

It probably is a good idea to try and focus on something else. I got stuck in that trap of thinking I need sleep, try and sleep, and then lie there fretting! It's just a financial problem that means I need to rejig some things and so don't have anything left over for a few weeks. But, as I say, it is solvable. So the catastrophising part was "but what if this or that happens?" More panic over not having my usual safety net than genuine concerns.

OP posts:

GrumpySausage · 01/11/2018 11:10

I get this. Often relatively simple problems become the end of the world at 3am for me. I find it's worse if I'm a bit stressed in general at work.

My mum has similar. We often refer to it as a 3am problem- seems simple but I know I'll spiral later. One example- we needed a new gate, made a mental note to order one but at 3am I decided the dog was going to escape from said gate, attack someone and be put down. The dog never went near that gate, was fast asleep in the bed and has never shown a hint of aggression. But it was 3am.

I think it's because at this time your body feels at its most vulnerable. You're often sleepy, it's dark. The rest of the world is asleep and you have time to catastrophise.

I try to distract myself now/ read a book or go downstairs and watch some trash tv.

ifherbumwereabungalow · 01/11/2018 11:14

My time is 2.28. Every day. I find choosing something soothing like a documentary on BBC radio player can help as long as I force myself to concentrate on that and only that until I nod off. Not particularly helpful I know but sometimes it's nice to know you are not alone!

BonfiresOfInsanity · 01/11/2018 11:17

Yep, I get this too. Most nights in fact. I am a walking zombie most days as I usually can't get back to sleep. Sick to death of it quite frankly.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 01/11/2018 11:24

I think its cos in the day you are distracted with a million other things to do and decsions to make so your brain cant quite focus on your issue enough to get stressed about it but at 3am and it can very much be your onky focus. And at 3am the world is very quiet and it makes you feel isolated and the only one with this burden.
Its a horrible feeling, your poor brain is probably trying to think of a solutuon while you sleep but instead wakes you up stressed!

Devillanelle · 01/11/2018 11:27

Problems seem much worse in the night when you can't do anything proactive about them. What I do is start work on some life admin or cleaning and then at least I'm doing something that will make me feel better later.

MysweetAudrina · 01/11/2018 11:36

Cause the darkest hour is just before dawn.

Try to focus on your breathing and place your awareness on your body and systematically focus on each part starting at your head and consciously relax each part of your body and keep breathing.

Original poster

Storm4star · 01/11/2018 13:49

I feel for all of you that also suffer this! It's horrible. I have a lot of books so I might pick out a good one later before bed and have it there ready to read. Then I can do that if I do wake up in the middle of the night again.

OP posts:

phoebemac · 01/11/2018 13:53

One example- we needed a new gate, made a mental note to order one but at 3am I decided the dog was going to escape from said gate, attack someone and be put down. The dog never went near that gate, was fast asleep in the bed and has never shown a hint of aggression. But it was 3am.

Oh GrumpySausage thank you for posting this. This exactly the sort of thing I do and I am so glad it's not just me, although not glad you have to suffer this.

customerservicenightmare · 01/11/2018 13:54

Gosh yes, me too! I hear you. I read, read and read some more when this happens. Maybe have a hot drink for comfort.

Justforonequestion · 01/11/2018 13:57

Things

There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.
There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,
committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things
than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.
It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in
and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse and worse.

Fleur Adcock

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 01/11/2018 13:58

Everyone gets this - it's the low point of the human cycle, and reputedly the time many ill people die. Not a good time for thinking clearly - keep a cheerful podcast handy, and think about your problem in the morning, I say.

Undercoverbanana · 01/11/2018 13:58

I get up for work at 3am, so my problems ARE worse at 3am!

Raindrop12 · 01/11/2018 14:14

I get this too, although I don't wake up worrying, I just can't get to sleep until the early hours. justforone those are the exact things that play on mind.

user1493413286 · 01/11/2018 14:15

I get this too; I think it’s in part not being able to do anything about it or talk it through with anyone at that time

RangeRider · 01/11/2018 14:20

Stick the light on, get out of bed and go downstairs, do something like hoovering or paperwork or 100 sit ups. Something to take your mind off it. Then when you're relaxed you can go back to bed, close your eyes and fall asleep.

NorthernFlowerHouse · 01/11/2018 14:26

Maybe because in most cases there's very little you can practically do at 3am so you feel like you don't have any control over the situation?

Raines100 · 01/11/2018 14:29

Another one like Grumpysausage.

I have irrational massive panics over small issues and have panic bought shit on Amazon at 3am. DH despairs.

I've heard your logic centre in your brain shuts down when you are semi-asleep. Certainly, evidence would suggest mine does.

I'm actually better at identifying my own irrationality now. There was a night where I woke up, fretting over a spider I had seen that evening in the kitchen but not caught (I hate spiders). I got really worked up, imagining them mating and having spider babies crawling all over my house. Then the wind blew the bedroom door shut with a loud bang, and I screamed because, for a split second, I thought the spider was coming to get me...

Since then, I've learnt not to trust myself at 3am. I mean, a giant, man-eating spider? FFS.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 01/11/2018 14:32

I call it having the 4am horrors. If it starts, I'll generally just give up on trying to sleep, and read a book.

WhitePhantom · 01/11/2018 14:32

It's because your rational brain is not in control at 3am - it's your primitive brain that's in control at that stage. It senses doom and danger everywhere, and is only trying to anticipate what's going to harm you and figure out how to protect you from it.

Don't try to fight it because it's much stronger than you and you're on a losing battle. Instead indulge it - listen to it, let it have its say - and it'll run out of steam after a while. A good way to indulge it and help it run out of steam is to write down all the terrible things it's predicting so that it 'knows' you've taken them seriously.

Then leave your scribblings to one side and hopefully get back to sleep!

ileclerc · 01/11/2018 14:35

It's a thing isn't it, and the time most people die? I think it might have something to do with circadian rhythm and melatonin.

Wineloffa · 01/11/2018 14:37

I have just spoiled a holiday doing this. I have a potential work situation on the horizon. Potential as it may not even happen but I keep going over and over it in my head. The catastrophising has taken over my brain! It’s like I’m obsessed. I think this is related to peri menopausal anxiety though. Wish it would F off!

Original poster

Storm4star · 01/11/2018 14:42

@WhitePhantom

That makes a lot of sense. I tried talking myself down but it didn't work! I think I'll give your suggestion a go, certainly couldn't hurt.

@Raines100
Glad the man eating spider didn't get you!

OP posts:

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