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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it’s impossible to be single working parent and be paying mortgage?

93 replies

spookybird · 31/10/2018 19:50

It just doesn’t seem possible to afford!
How do people manage to be a single working parent, paying for childcare, and own their own home (ie be paying a mortgage!)
Background : my good friend is about to be in this situation and needs as many tips on how to do it as possible!!

OP posts:
Left · 31/10/2018 20:30

I'm a single parent with a mortgage. It's not been a bed of Roses but it's doable.

To save deposit - was super disciplined about saving, bordering on obsessive, no holidays, tight grocery budget, no new clothes, turned down invitations to weddings etc. I waited til childcare costs were reduced to breakfast club and after school pick up. I bought in a cheap area, four hours travel away from family support. Took a longer mortgage term.

I'm still not sure if I've made the right choice. The house is a money pit.

Best of luck to your friend.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 31/10/2018 20:31

I'm a working single parent with a mortgage so it can be done.

A combination of work, tax credits, and family support. I am also incredibly careful with money and save as much as possible.

crocsaretoocoolforschool · 31/10/2018 20:31

I do it and have been doing for 7 years and my dc no longer need childcare but they did for 5 years of that

Interest only mortgage -I get it's not ideal but I'll remortgage when they are a bit more independent at uni and beyond

Regularly check I'm getting the best deal on utilities -also have rules regarding the heating -if you aren't wearing socks and a jumper do not ask if you can have the heating on!

Look at different childcare options -for me wrap around care offered by the primary school was a godsend and in the summer holidays the local sports centre does some very affordable activity camps

Batch cook -saves those 'I'm too tired to cook let's get a takeaway' moments

carly2803 · 31/10/2018 20:34

erm yes.... i do.

My mortgage is half the price of rent round here.... and im not stupid with money

if you want something- it happens!

stressedtiredbuthappy · 31/10/2018 20:36

I do it! I'm 13 years into my mortgage, I'm self employed (2-3days a week)
My dd is 2 and I can pay all the basics.
I'm lucky my mum helps with treats otherwise life would be really boring at the minute, but we'd survive.
I'm lucky my job has school friendly hours and school holidays are naturally quieter.
I'll be glad when I can pick up some more customers though!

PrincessJuanita · 31/10/2018 20:36

I manage but I have a fairly small mortgage and a decent level of practical (but not financial) support from his dad. Even so, it's not an easy route to take, unless she's on a high salary she will need to be thrifty.

floatyjosmum · 31/10/2018 20:37

I do - single mum to 3 but.....

I've been to uni and have a well paid job and also live in a cheap area and got a good deal on my house.

AnnaNimmity · 31/10/2018 20:37

My tip: find a mortgage provider that will include any maintenance received in the income amount. You do have to show a history of the maintenance being paid on time (plus a court order) but this helps ime.

Also, have bought a house in a slightly less good area than I wanted to live (and couldn't really afford).

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 31/10/2018 20:38

I do, but it is possible because I have a reasonable job, the mortgage was taken out more than 10 years ago (and always overpaid until DS was born), and since I work 3 days and get the 30 hours my childcare costs are low.

Paying a mortgage won't necessarily be a problem. GETTING a mortgage probably will be - I wouldn't qualify for a new mortgage on the same place now. Actually that's with or without DS though.

Thomlin · 31/10/2018 20:41

Don't think it's totally unrealistic if you live somewhere where there is cheaper house prices. Also I find mumsnet not very typical of my area when it comes to childcare.. Round here it definitely does take a village to raise a sprog.. when mine was young she'd be with different people on different days to avoid childcare costs, all relatives or extended friends / family of friends, and I'd often have extras for dinner or help out with kids if someone I knew got a shift at work. This may very well be a working class/ ex mining area thing though. I bought my first flat as a single mum for £75k in 2013 at age 20.. it was a huge 3 bed fixer upper which I did myself around my job and then sold for profit, rinse repeat and now settled, my mortgage is tiny so can still afford holidays etc as a single mum of two.

YetAnotherUser · 31/10/2018 20:41

I'm a single parent, work full time and have a mortgage.

I share the care with my ex, I have a distinctly average income and live in a modest sized house.

I work flexible hours so no need for childcare.

Yambabe · 31/10/2018 20:41

I did, but it was a while ago now.

I was a bottom-grade civil servant at the time but thanks to an insurance payout for a road accident that gave me a deposit of under10% and a mortgage of just under 3x my salary (much higher interest rates back then though!) I managed. The mortgage payments were cheaper than I had previously been paying in rent and that was in a council house! I had no financial input from the other parent at all (he left when DS was 6 weeks old). Income was my wages and tax credits/child benefit.

DS was 11 and sensible though, and could get himself to/from school and be at home for an hour or so after school til I got in so although I was on a pretty tight budget I didn't have much childcare to pay for. My parents didn't help financially but they would have DS for a week or odd days in the holidays and he did holiday clubs too.

I'm not sure I could do it today though given current house prices compared to wages and the amount of deposit needed.

dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 20:42

Loads of factors as obviously having relatives and an ex willing to provide childcare helps a lot, not getting pregnant before having a well-paid job, not quitting work to be a SAHM (particularly to an unmarried partner), not having kids before being married, living in a cheaper area than most major cities, etc.

I'm a SAHM with two babies. My partner is on a good wage (nothing amazing but definitely higher than average) I have often wondered though how people cope, if I was single, with childcare and maintenance I'd definitely have to hope my partner would be more generous than the required minimum maintenance as I'd be unable to survive or even get a job unless very highly paid. It's shit how it always falls on the female tbh.

You would find yourself not coping very well at all if you 'split up' because unmarried partners have FA in terms of legal protection in the event of a split. It only 'falls on the female' if she allows it by giving up their financial independence for a man ('It wasn't worth my going to work' 'It's cheaper for me to stay home' NO, it isn't) or packs in her earning potential to facilitate a man's life.

And no more tax credits, folks. Those are going going gone and they are not coming back. It's UC for all!

Ohyesiam · 31/10/2018 20:43

@stressedtiredbuthappy what is your job, I like the sound of it!

ClaireAngelaReid · 31/10/2018 20:44

I’ve just bought a house but it took me nearly 6 years to save a deposit and be in a position to buy one

Mortified2468 · 31/10/2018 20:45

Decent salary although am 15 years post grad so have put in the hours to get here (fortunately ex h didn't bugger off too early in my career), live in the South West so prices not too hideous, limited social life and a mortgage company who takes maintenance into account for income.career

So basically a combination of circumstances and timing.

ClaireAngelaReid · 31/10/2018 20:47

BitchQueen90 - make sure you’re saving in an isa and there’s also a special savings account for people getting tax credits, you save £50 a month and get bonus’ off the government for saving

MaisyPops · 31/10/2018 20:48

Deposit size, salary, house value all are major factors.

In my town it's probably cheaper to take on a 3 bed semi with a mortgage than to rent if you have a reasonable but very high deposit.

HurrahMoaningMyrtle · 31/10/2018 20:49

I did for a year or so. Worked p/t in a below average pay job, live SE so not cheap, no maintenance from exH, but I received a lot of tax credits and had almost no childcare costs.

usernshfjsndj · 31/10/2018 20:49

I do it

Beansandcoffee · 31/10/2018 20:51

I do. But I didn’t give up a well paid local job when i had kids - I went part time (and at some point all of my salary went on childcare but I was still contributing to a pension and keeping a job open) and now as a single parent am slowly increasing my hours to full time. I’ve extended the mortgage to its maximum term so basically when finished I will have paid out for a mortgage from the age of 22 to the age of 67. Before children I saved. Therefore in an emergency I have savings I can call on.

cmace2 · 31/10/2018 20:54

I'm a single parent with 2 young children, one of which has just started school so I was paying childcare for both up until recently. My ex pays nothing. Luckily I have always owned by own home since before meeting my ex and I believe that mortgage payments are cheaper than rent? I used the tax credit calculator to work out the best balance between work and childcare. For me it was worth working over 30 hours a week as you get a tax credit 'bonus' so financially it was the best option even though mine and my kids lives are pretty full on as a result. I definitely recommend using the tax credit calculator to work out the best way forward in terms of balancing work income versus childcare costs, although I gather from what a poster has said above the system may be changing/have changed for people new to the system. I'd be completely fkd without tax credits.

Original poster
spookybird · 31/10/2018 20:55

Unfortunately there’s no maintenance to be had from her ex!
Sorry I didn’t make it clear in the OP, she already has the mortgage... it’s the child that’s soon to be the new factor in all of this!!
I’m trying to help her work out how she can keep her house when she hopefully goes back to work after a few months - it looks like asking friends & family for childcare help is the only way

OP posts:
AmIthatbloodycold · 31/10/2018 20:55

I manage. A combo of a small mortgage on a small house in a not very nice area along with a relatively decent salary.

dontalltalkatonce · 31/10/2018 20:59

Unfortunately there’s no maintenance to be had from her ex!

Why not? I think it's a bit of a pisstake to ask friends and family to provide free childcare when the father gets off the hook.

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