Charity donations requested at the ill

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

We stopped at a service station yesterday and I bought something for 75p from WH Smiths, handing over a pound coin. Immediately, the woman on the till smiled at me and asked if I'd like to give to Children in Need. This caught me on the hop and I paused for a few seconds, before saying a non-too-enthusiastic-sounding "Um, OK." She then asked "Shall I put your change in the box, then?" as she moved her hand (with my change in it) towards the charity tin and hovered over it.

I am a generous person when I can afford it and I believe in the cause; however, I have a number of very big misgivings about Children in Need, along with pretty much all of the big businesses charities. I'm not saying they don't do good work, but most of the big household-name ones support projects and principles which I don't, employ dubious fund-raising methods (chuggers, encouraging people to badger friends and family to 'sponsor' them to basically go on a dream holiday etc.) and have very wasteful, bloated infrastructures and many very highly-paid staff.

I have no objection to there being a prominent collecting tin at the checkout or signs inviting people to give, but this really surprised me.

It happened to me once before (in Staples, so several years ago), where I paid for my goods and then the cashier said "We're asking customers if they'd like to give a pound for Childline - do you want to?" Again, Childline/NSPCC do a lot of good, but I also have concerns about the way they're run and some of their principles. On that occasion, I replied "I won't today, thanks" and I could see the visible shock on the faces of the three assistants nearby.

The amount is irrelevant. I'm guessing that they're probably after what, to most people, are relatively small amounts (although you've no way of knowing that people don't have extremely tight budgets with every penny already accounted for); but what would have happened if I'd handed over a £20 to pay for £15.25 - would she have expected me to give nearly a fiver to their chosen charity, or would I have been expected to decide on the spot how much of my own change I was going to ask for back? Whatever is wrong with tins that sit passively on the desk, for if I actively choose to donate?

Before anybody says, I'm fully aware that I could have just said No. I know she was a stranger whom I'm unlikely to see again, but it's very clearly designed to put pressure on you and to make you feel very horrible indeed if you say no. If you do, the previously-smiley assistant's face will drop, as if to say "Oh, you're not the friendly person I thought you were after all - you're one of THEM", there'll be an awkward pause as you dare to take your own change and then she/he and everybody in earshot will assume that you're off to punch a puppy or something.

But AIBU to think that this is a step too far? Am I overthinking this? I know this kind of thing happens at workplaces too, where nobody has to pay their pound for the nominated charity, but if you don't.... It's certainly going to make me actively less inclined to shop at places that do this.

I'm all for charity, but it should be voluntary and not pressured. I want to choose how much I can/will give and which causes I personally want to support. Is this wrong of me?

There's a great South Park ep on this

I agree with you OP no one wants to be hassled whilst making a simple transaction.

I'm with you. I'm all for shops providing opportunities to donate, but I hate feeling pressured. So being somewhat stubborn, if I'm feeling pressured, I always say no. If someone is just standing there with a tin, I always (if I can) put something in.

Just say no. I really doubt they are judging you. I make a point of not mindlessly donating to charities I know nothing about for example.

I agree with you WeBuilt you can see the collection tin , there is no need for them to say anything

I agree with you. I went to a cafe recently and they were running a cake stall to raise money for breast cancer care. We were the only customers and I felt obliged to buy a cupcake, despite not liking them. The owner then came over to the table and asked for £1 to guess the name of a teddy (also to raise money) and when I declined, she huffily told me the cafe was run by volunteers and they’re just trying to raise money for charity. It’s totally put me off going again, I think I do my fair share of donating (including monthly DDs for charities very close to my heart) but can’t stand being put on the spot to donate.

The till staff have to do this. When DD was working in a card shop she had to offer a pen for a donation to Cancer Research. She was mortified when one customer told her that he already had cancer.

I hate this, happens when paying with card in ' The Entertainer' toy shop, and in TK Maxx.

Being forced to say to no charity is a pretty shitty thing for organisations to do. I certainly don't agree with this tactic and will not be hassled in this way.

Just say a cheery no thank you...

It gets easier!

Happened to me just this morning. Everyone in the queue before me said no thanks, I already give, or something like that. I live in a very poor town, and it gets my goat that these charities are asking here, when we have i don't know how many food banks in the area.
Honestly I don't care what a shop assistant thinks. I wonder if they are obliged to ask for donations?

On that occasion, I replied "I won't today, thanks" and I could see the visible shock on the faces of the three assistants nearby.

Really? They must spend their life being shocked because lots of people refuse. Me included. I work for a charity, I also am part of charity programs and I give regularly to charity. I won't be bullied into giving to large, wealthy, poorly run charities that do more harm that good.

I even tell chuggers and callers why I don't give to their charity. To the don't that DH has taken to hiding when he sees Amnesty chuggers for fear of hearing me talking about prostitution in the street again. Muttering 'Nordic model' to himself. I'm always nice though. Not the collectors fault.

They don't know what else you give or don't give for a charity of your choice and it's not nice for them to ask.

I think they like to appear on Children in Need with a big cheque. It's the customers that have given (usually).

itsnot our local petrol station also has a card machine that tries to take an extra 25p donation every time you pay for pertrol too! It annoys me as it's an extra button to push before completing the transaction.

I donate to charities - mostly ones that are close to me personally - and DH works for a charity so money and voluntary time goes into that too. I don't need people trying to guilt me into donating at every opportunity so I'm afraid in your situation OP they cashier would have got short shrift. It's not the amount - its the principle.

I think they like to appear on Children in Need with a big cheque. It's the customers that have given (usually).

Yep. companies and individual 'fundraisers' are held in such high regard, when if they were referred to as the less snappy but more realistic 'people who keep badgering folk to hand over their own hard-earned money for their own choice of charity rather than that of the folk actually giving the money', it wouldn't sound quite as glamorous and altruistic.

itsnot our local petrol station also has a card machine that tries to take an extra 25p donation every time you pay for pertrol too! It annoys me as it's an extra button to push before completing the transaction.

That really annoys me too, but at least it's just an extra button to press on an anonymous machine rather than a human. Also, to be fair whenever I've seen people surprised or confused at seeing this come up and look up at the assistant, they've always said "Just press no" or even done it for them.

Even more than the fact you have to press the button before you can pay for your petrol, is the fact that it says "Add 25p for CHARITY?" They don't even deign to tell you which charity it is. It could be a political or religious cause with which you strongly disagree - or any number of concerns and clubs that are legally charities but which most people would never consider to really be charities at all. I'd be interested to see how much you'd get if you stood outside Tesco holding a bucket just saying "For Charity" on it.

This really gets my goat nowadays. More and more shops keep asking for donations to charity when you're paying, you feel put on the spot and stingy if you don't give.

I have learned to say no a lot more recently, not just over this but in general life, and I'm not as much of a pushover as I used to be. A simple, polite 'No, thanks' is enough, but sometimes I'll add something like 'I already give to charities I have chosen myself.' if I want to justify my decision.

Pizzaexpress add 25p on to some of their pizzas - you have to ask to have it removed

I think this is a situation where you bear personal responsibility for saying no to things you don’t want to do. It was such a small imposition on you, and so easy for you to refuse. The world can only accommodate your fear of being awkward to a degree, and I don’t think this is it.

I do quite like putting a 1p change in a charity box next to a till. I don't have to walk around with it then.

I ask them to put coppers and 5p change into their charity boxes as hate to carry them around. But refuse at normal tills to donare on my card - I have DDs for my favoured charities

I always say no to such guilt-tripping tactics and I couldn’t give a flying fuck what some random checkout operator thinks.

YANBU

I agree with you OP. My standard reply to anyone asking for money is 'I donate through my bank account to those charities I want to support'.

Charities rely on you feeling awkward and unable to say no. I’ve noticed chuggers in the street quite often try and stop me with “would you like to stop child poverty?” or “do you want to cure cancer?”. I’ve started responding with a cheery “Nope!” Without breaking my stride

(Note - i’m not a completely heartless cow - I donate to charity and regularly volunteer; I just like it to be on my own terms)

I experienced the petrol station donation thing recently and it took me by surprise. By the time I had registered what was going on, asked the cashier which charity they were collecting for and got a response, the donation window had passed.

Next time, I'll just press 'decline' or whatever it says.