Charity donations requested at the ill

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

We stopped at a service station yesterday and I bought something for 75p from WH Smiths, handing over a pound coin. Immediately, the woman on the till smiled at me and asked if I'd like to give to Children in Need. This caught me on the hop and I paused for a few seconds, before saying a non-too-enthusiastic-sounding "Um, OK." She then asked "Shall I put your change in the box, then?" as she moved her hand (with my change in it) towards the charity tin and hovered over it.

I am a generous person when I can afford it and I believe in the cause; however, I have a number of very big misgivings about Children in Need, along with pretty much all of the big businesses charities. I'm not saying they don't do good work, but most of the big household-name ones support projects and principles which I don't, employ dubious fund-raising methods (chuggers, encouraging people to badger friends and family to 'sponsor' them to basically go on a dream holiday etc.) and have very wasteful, bloated infrastructures and many very highly-paid staff.

I have no objection to there being a prominent collecting tin at the checkout or signs inviting people to give, but this really surprised me.

It happened to me once before (in Staples, so several years ago), where I paid for my goods and then the cashier said "We're asking customers if they'd like to give a pound for Childline - do you want to?" Again, Childline/NSPCC do a lot of good, but I also have concerns about the way they're run and some of their principles. On that occasion, I replied "I won't today, thanks" and I could see the visible shock on the faces of the three assistants nearby.

The amount is irrelevant. I'm guessing that they're probably after what, to most people, are relatively small amounts (although you've no way of knowing that people don't have extremely tight budgets with every penny already accounted for); but what would have happened if I'd handed over a £20 to pay for £15.25 - would she have expected me to give nearly a fiver to their chosen charity, or would I have been expected to decide on the spot how much of my own change I was going to ask for back? Whatever is wrong with tins that sit passively on the desk, for if I actively choose to donate?

Before anybody says, I'm fully aware that I could have just said No. I know she was a stranger whom I'm unlikely to see again, but it's very clearly designed to put pressure on you and to make you feel very horrible indeed if you say no. If you do, the previously-smiley assistant's face will drop, as if to say "Oh, you're not the friendly person I thought you were after all - you're one of THEM", there'll be an awkward pause as you dare to take your own change and then she/he and everybody in earshot will assume that you're off to punch a puppy or something.

But AIBU to think that this is a step too far? Am I overthinking this? I know this kind of thing happens at workplaces too, where nobody has to pay their pound for the nominated charity, but if you don't.... It's certainly going to make me actively less inclined to shop at places that do this.

I'm all for charity, but it should be voluntary and not pressured. I want to choose how much I can/will give and which causes I personally want to support. Is this wrong of me?

The only on the street/in shop donating I do is for the poppy appeal. The normally elderly gentlemen stand there in silence no pressure or anything. I often let the children buy from/donate to them everyone we go by if I have change.

I had this in Argos when I was last in....it was a dementia charity and they did look askance when I declined, but I don't bother about what strangers think, and had there been any upping of guilt tripping I am more than capable of explaining my reasons.

I stuck £120 worth of diesel in my car this afternoon, went in to pay, put card in the reader and it flashed up 'Would you like to donate 25p to Charity' with Yes and No buttons on the screen.

I asked the cashier what the charity was, he shrugged his shoulders and just said 'Charity'. No POS material up in the shop to indicate what the charity might be either.

Pressed the No button and was told by the cashier that most people who spend over £100 normally donate!

Guilt tripped over an unknown charity!

I hate things like this. I donate to the charities I care about and also give lots during school events.

Can't stand people finding any way possible to pester people into giving cash up.

I always say no unless it's one of the (few) charities I know I want to support. I don't feel guilty about it and I don't care what other people think of me.

I’ve noticed chuggers in the street quite often try and stop me with “would you like to stop child poverty?” or “do you want to cure cancer?”. I’ve started responding with a cheery “Nope!” Without breaking my stride

Haha dyrne that made me laugh. I also don't slow down but generally respond with a vague and dismissive, "Ah, thank you!" and a smile. The tone says a polite no but the words don't match it

I hate that shop assistants are forced to ask, most of them would probably prefer not to. I just smile and say "Not today thanks" and don't really give it a second thought. I give small but regular direct debits to my chosen charities and I'm happy with that, I don't need to justify it to them (and they don't want me to anyway!)

I stopped shopping in Pets at Home for this reason, I was happy to donate but not happy to be asked at the till. I started using Zooplus instead and when I had enough points I was able to make a donation to charity with them or use them myself. I would use them to buy something for an animal sanctuary that I supported. That way I also knew where it was going.

I’m choosy which charity I give money to. I usually do at the entertainer (local children’s hospital) and I will always donate to refuge, shelter and the local hospice but I’d feel no shame or guilt at not donating to children in need or comic/sports relief and several others.

Another vote here for ‘no thanks’, which is all you have to say. Same response when they want to email me my receipt etc.

We give to a charity set up by a friend after the death of their child. We know where the money’s going and it isn’t lining the pockets of chief execs.

YADNBU. I also dislike people calling & saying things like “ Several of your neighbours have signed up today”. Awful & pressuring.

awkward but still say no

I’ve noticed chuggers in the street quite often try and stop me with “would you like to stop child poverty?” or “do you want to cure cancer?”. I’ve started responding with a cheery “Nope!” Without breaking my stride

I do this, too. English is not my native language so I also pretend not to speak English.

I always say no out of principle. I won't encourage them to use these methods.

A charity shop I used to go in had one lady follow you round the shop trying to sell you tickets for something or other. I think she had learning difficulties so literally wouldn't take no for an answer but because it wasn't her fault I akways felt horribke for getting annoyed with her after saying no for the forth time. I've no doubt she sold lots of tickets but I don't shop there anymore.

Agreed. I had an assistant say "shall I put your £1 change in the Cancer Charity box?"

I was really defensive and said NO thank you as a knee jerk reaction (poor student)

But then remembered my BFF who had been stood right next to me had lost her mum to breast cancer a couple of years before, I felt so bad.

I always wonder if companies are able to offset tax as a result of donations from their customers (or staff in the case of the companies that get their staff to donate during the year). If anyone understands corporate tax I'd be really interested to know.

I complained to a chain shop that I use often, on the way out they have charity people trying to stop you to sign up to a direct debit agreement with them. As I told them I'm willing to put money in a bucket but not sign up to anything. I had one woman roll her eyes at me as I wouldn't stop. I ended up complaining to the shop.

YANBU OP

I'm currently volunteering for a Household Name Charity.

I've been there less than two months and it's been eye opening in the worst of ways.

So badly run, grabby, exploitative and wasteful. And I can't see how anything ever gets to those they mean to help.

I'm really unimpressed with them and I'm only staying because I'm gaining important experience in one key employment skill that I didn't have before, but I will leave when I've got six months or more under my belt and can use the experience to apply elsewhere

The chuggers are awful though. friend once did it, turns out there is a set amount the have to donate to the charity for each chugging session.

So, if you raise 60£ in your bucket you only have to give 20£ to the charity and can pocket the rest.

I was astounded when I found out!

Disclaimer: not sure this is for ALL charity chuggers but it's put me off completely

I really have no qualms say “no”

I rarely qualify it with anything else. Just “no”

I've had my card declined over this!

Apparently it sometimes goes through as 2 transactions so triggers some anti-fraud systems.

Anyway, I now say no, and explain why. All fine except for pets at home where the assistant argued that I was wrong! Because obviously I'd make something like that up.

Managed made me feel really shitty for refusing to donate 20p.

Hate it.

I think this is a situation where you bear personal responsibility for saying no to things you don’t want to do. It was such a small imposition on you, and so easy for you to refuse. The world can only accommodate your fear of being awkward to a degree, and I don’t think this is it.

Thanks for the psychoanalysis. I don't remember ever talking about experiencing 'fear' and I did manage perfectly well to get on with my day afterwards, you'll be relieved to know. BTW, do you work for WH Smith in a service station at all?

From what PPs are saying, it sounds like this is more of a thing than I realised. If so and it continues to increase, at least people will be wise to it and get used to just nonchalantly saying no without even hearing them out; just like everybody knows the score with chuggers now and hardly anybody bothers even to give them the time of day any more.

If shops are so keen to drive even more people away and online, they're really going the right way about it. Thinking about it, eBay always ask you to give £2 (or whatever) to some charity when you check out, but at least it's just a tick-box on a screen waiting discreetly to be ticked or ignored as you wish.

goodnessgrace
Other chuggers get paid a wage which comes out their donations so the actual donations are whatever they raise minus their days rate.
I hate chuggers with passion. All the adverts about protecting your bank details and then we're meant to give them out to some irritating random with a clipboard because they are wearing a cute t shirt.

Maybe I've always been a grump. I hated the university fundraising trips too. Sponsor me to climb mount Kilimanjaro for charity... well actually part of your money covers my trip of a life time but it's all for charity. No Tarquin it's not. Pay for your own sodding holiday. Sponsor me to work with the orphans. Of course, white teen on 2 week holiday takes some selfies whilst offering more emotional trauma to children who've already got so much trauma in their lives and really need stability.

Man I'm a grumpy bugger. I want to donate to my chosen charities in peace.

Charity Maths is shocking. I wish the media would focus some light on this.

I worked for an organisation when they were running their annual big month-long campaign.

The costs of running that campaign were 75% of the funds raised, and I later learned that that percentage was considered to be a good return.

What was all the more heartbreaking was the conversations that I had had with donors as I stood doing street collections. A lot of the people giving us cash didn't appear wealthy, but readily opened their purses and wallets to donate what they could. I'm sure those donors would be horrified if they knew the half of it.

YANBU to dislike being put on the spot with this decision. If the charity box was there you are perfectly capable of putting it in yourself you don't need prompting by a cashier.

However, yabu for the comment about disliking highly paid staff in the charity sector. Why wouldn't a large organisation want to hire the best person for the position to achieve their aims, and why should someone be underpaid just because they work for an organisation with charitable output. It's certainly true that for a lot of this kind of work if pay peanuts you get monkeys OP. I would much rather the best people were hired by charities so their skills went towards making the world a better place.