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Original poster

To be annoyed with colleague for sharing another colleague’s pregnancy?

35 replies

AliceRR · 31/10/2018 13:58

Learned this morning a colleague who works on my floor is pregnant. She told me herself but said she hasn’t had 12 scan yet, it is on Friday, so she’s not telling everyone yet.

I was out for lunch with four colleagues for lunch, one of whom works v closesly witb the one who is pregnant (pregnant colleague was not at lunch with us), and in the context of talking about work and plans for their team she said “she’s not telling people til Friday but X is pregnant so going on mat leave (May? Can’t rememebr what month she said).

I said you probably shouldn’t be telling people she is pregnant. She said “she said she’s telling people on Friday”.

I didn’t say any more but thought yes she plans to tell people on Friday but the reason she isn’t yet is probably because she wants to make sure baby is ok etc.

I say this as someone who is also pregnant (25 weeks now) but I just thought it was really indiscreet.

Same friend at dinner a couple of months ago was talking about assisting colleague with a house purchase (we work in a firm of solicitors) and mentioned value of house which I also thought indiscreet.

I am quite annoyed with her. I feel like she is just oblivious and has no boundaries!

This is same friend who I have mentioned (in another post) who brought someone I have never met into my hotel suite when I was getting ready for my wedding on my wedding day without asking...

Maybe I am just grumpy and needed to rant.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/10/2018 14:48

At least you know to never share anything personal with them. You'd might as well put it on a billboard.

Bombardier25966 · 31/10/2018 14:52

Why are you annoyed with her? It's really nothing to do with you.

If you're that concerned then mention it to the pregnant woman, she can address it if she wishes to.

For the sake of two days, I don't see the fuss.

ContessaGoesMarchingDOWNTOHELL · 31/10/2018 14:53

Yeah, I'd hate working with someone like that! In fact I used to work with someone who said, unbidden by anyone there, that she'd seen our supervisor's payslip in his office and that he earned X amount and that she'd thought it would be more. Tumbleweed moment. Hopefully she got the gigantic hint!!

SpottingTheZebras · 31/10/2018 14:55

Tell the pregnant woman and say that if she wants to log a grievance then you will write a statement confirming what colleague said, and leave it at that.

Make sure you never tell the colleague anything of confidence in future.

SpottingTheZebras · 31/10/2018 14:56

For the sake of two days, I don't see the fuss.

Presumably she is waiting until Friday to either have a scan to confirm she has not miscarried or for results to see if she is high risk for any abnormalities that mean she may need to end the pregnancy. In either case, she undoubtedly doesn’t want her personal medical information divulged.

Original poster
AliceRR · 31/10/2018 14:58

@Aquamarine1029 Yes exactly

@Bombardier25966 Because something similar (not quite the same) happened with me earlier on in my pregnancy and also because, yes it’s 2 days til her scan, but she could get bad news. Probably not and I really hope not but some people learn of MMC at their scans or conditions which lead them to terminate their pregnancy, and in those circumstances it’s up to her whether she tells people. I think it’s up to her to tell people anyway rather than 4 people who work closely with her tk diner out from her colleague who obviously doesn’t think much of her (friend who told us doesn’t like pregnant colleague much at all).

Also I am buying a house and choosing a conveyancer. I wouldn’t want to use our team as I don’t want her sharing my personal info! She is very sociable (and v nice) so often out for drinks with people and stuff and she just can’t be trusted.

@Contess Oh dear. As PP said just means I need to be more careful!

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceRR · 31/10/2018 14:59

@SpottingtheZebras Yes that was what I thought (Cross post!)

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 31/10/2018 15:04

Don't tell this colleague anything unless you want it blurted out.

I used to work with someone who said, unbidden by anyone there, that she'd seen our supervisor's payslip in his office and that he earned X amount and that she'd thought it would be more
Contessa that's dreadful.

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 31/10/2018 15:08

I would be furious if somebody did this to me
A. It's private & I would want to share the happy news myself
B. They would have taken away the shine
Fucking awful behaviour

Alfie190 · 31/10/2018 15:10

Well I would be annoyed at somebody I didn't know being brought to my suite as I was getting ready for my wedding.

But as for the other two incidents, well if she didn't want the pregnancy to be broadcast she should have kept quiet. People talk. Always have. And the other person could have taken their conveyacing elsewhere if they were concerned about privacy.

Anyway nothing to do with you, don't be offended on other people's behalf.

PinkHeart5914 · 31/10/2018 15:12

What I don’t get is why did she tell anyone she was pregnant if waiting for the scan is so important to her. Most offices are like this once someone knows, it doesn’t stay secret for long.

Not her news to tell however of course.

They would have taken away the shine What shine? She’s pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️ No shine involved really and most people unless related to you aren’t really that fussed about your pregnancy

PassMeTheHaribosAmego · 31/10/2018 15:16

The shine of telling people pink . People should mind their own business & not spoil it

Original poster
AliceRR · 31/10/2018 15:18

@Alfie190 To be honest I was v annoyed about the wedding incident may have more limited patience as a result!

@PinkHeart5914 I don’t know why she told. Maybe so her immediate colleagues could plan. They had some news about loss of a major client so maybe it was in relation to that. Not sure. She doesn’t seem to have the same animosity to the big mouth though so wouldn’t necessarily have thought the worst and might have been trying to help out her colleagues. I just don’t know thought, maybe she was just excited! 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 31/10/2018 15:18

I mean ultimately this is what happens if someone tells a bunch of people she’s pregnant and expects them to keep it secret, when she herself couldn’t/didn’t.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 31/10/2018 15:25

I miscarried on the day of my 12 week scan. Because of other health issues, there had been a couple of earlier appointments so I'd had to tell my boss and our HR woman but they were the only ones who knew. And they knew they were the only ones who knew.

When I got back to work, she (HR) had told everyone... God, I hated that woman.

StaySafe · 31/10/2018 15:29

She should not have told anyone at work at all if she didn't want it getting out.

Miscible · 31/10/2018 15:37

Why didn't you point out to your colleague the fact that the pregnant colleague may well have a very good reason for not wanting to tell people till Friday?

The business of publicising the price of the house should be a potential disciplinary matter in a solicitors' office. There is an absolute duty of confidentiality, and that doesn't change just because the client is a colleague. You need to consider whether to point that out to her, or maybe just suggest to the people in charge that some training on confidentiality and data protection could be in order.

CantWaitToRetire · 31/10/2018 15:43

I learned the hard way and told people at work just before my 12 week scan. At the scan I found out I'd had a MMC Sad.

I agree that you shouldn't tell anyone if you don't want to risk it getting out, because there's always someone who can't keep it quiet. Even so, your colleague should have given the pregnant lady chance to announce it herself before spreading the news further.

SirGawain · 31/10/2018 15:47

Why had the pregnant colleague told anyone at all. Pretty hard to keep it quiet. She needed to be more discreet.

Caprisunorange · 31/10/2018 15:48

The pregnant woman is daft telling people at work before she was ready for it to be common knowledge

Original poster
AliceRR · 31/10/2018 15:50

@Miscible I didn’t point it out at lunch due to there being a few of us and the way she brushed passed it. I have thought of mentioning it since but feel like such a tyrant!

I previously pointed out to her that she shouldn’t be mentioning clients by name on Facebook. They had sent her some flowers and she posted a pic on favebook and said something like “Love my clients #*client name” I suggested she take it down

@CantWaitToRetire @DontCallMeCharlotte So sorry to hear of your losses.

I don’t disagree with what anyone says. Yes offices are ripe for gossip and there is always a chance of things getting out this woman seems to be a law unto herself! I would certainly be careful of what I say to her

OP posts:
purpleweasel · 31/10/2018 15:51

I learnt I had lost my baby at my 12-week scan. Also had earlier scans so my boss knew but hadn't told anyone else. It was hard enough to tell those few people who did know.
DontCallMeCharlotte Flowers that was completely unprofessional and unacceptable of her, so sorry

00100001 · 31/10/2018 16:00

If it was so private - why had she told at least 2 people at work before the 12 week scan?

SpottingTheZebras · 31/10/2018 16:06

Sometimes it is very difficult not to tell colleagues about pregnancy, regardless of being ready or not. They might wonder why she has appointments, are being sick, retching over everything, fainting, exhausted, and some people ask others outright putting them in a very difficult and uncomfortable position.

RibbonAurora · 31/10/2018 16:11

Yeah, find it hard to get worked up about this. Gossipy coworker is clearly not to be trusted with confidences but a secret stops being a secret the second it's shared. Pregnant coworker should not have told anyone the news before Friday if she didn't want it known before Friday.