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AIBU?

Younger man or older man?

35 replies

SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 13:46

Sorry, posting for traffic. But no doubt I'll be told I'm BU anyway!

All things being equal in terms of attraction would you pursue a relationship with

A 42 year old who doesn't have kids yet
A 55 year old whose children are grown

if you have kids and don't want any more?

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Pickupthephone · 31/10/2018 13:50

42 year old without kids probably but obviously there’s a lot more to it than that.

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 13:51

42 year old when asked about kids, said he's open to not ever having kids (I told him I didn't want more).

With 55 year old, clearly it's not an issue.

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BaronessBomburst · 31/10/2018 13:52

Whichever had had a vasectomy. Grin

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Madbengalmum · 31/10/2018 13:53

How old are you OP?

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Lilmisskittykat · 31/10/2018 13:54

How old is the other person in the question?

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 13:54

I just feel I'd never be giving younger man what he wants and denying him a fruitful relationship with someone a lot younger than me who would love to have kids. He's a lovely guy, but it's the one thing that makes me think he would leave fairly swiftly. That said, he seems interested and pursued me even though I said no to a second date and started up contact with me again.
Older guy is lovely, but just, older. I'm 41.

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Madbengalmum · 31/10/2018 13:56

You are 41, I would go for the 42, as I think the age gap is pretty big with the 55yr old

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SilentIsla · 31/10/2018 13:56

Younger one.

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 13:56

I don't have the confidence to believe younger guy would stay with me without producing a child for him.

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Lilmisskittykat · 31/10/2018 13:57

The 42 year old then cause of the age gap.

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 13:58

55 year old looks older, but both are virile and physical attraction was there with both.
I've had one date with each btw. Both want second dates.

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Madbengalmum · 31/10/2018 13:58

I am sure these will not be your only two options OP, neither seem right in this situation. Try something else!

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JacquesHammer · 31/10/2018 13:58

I don’t think the age gap for the older is big enough to be a worry.

I’ve only got a casual thing but he’s not far off 55 and I’m younger than you OP.

From what you’re saying it does seem you favour the younger so go for it with him and trust him when he says how he feels unless you’ve a particular reason to be sceptical.

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txtbreaker · 31/10/2018 13:58

Older - they are kinder.

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 14:02

If I was 15 years younger, my choice would instantly be the younger one. But I'm older, wiser and I've been through a lot of shit, so I'm not sure I could go through marriage or something at this stage with younger guy (he goes to Church).
Please bare in mind that I'm clearly a lunatic as I've only had one date each.

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Akanamali · 31/10/2018 14:03

I'd pass on both of them and hopefully find someone closer to my age who was certain they didn't want children.

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 14:05

Well I only have 2 options lol. The age thing doesn't bother me. Apart from the fact that the younger one is at the age where he suddenly decides he wants to reproduce

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 14:06

And I ain't reproducing again for no man lol

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 14:06

Can they really mean it when they say that reproducing isn't important to them?

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hellsbellsmelons · 31/10/2018 14:07

You've had one date with each. Don't over think this yet.
So go on a 2nd date with each and see how you feel after that.
You may not like either after date 3 or 4.
Just take it as it comes.
See them more than once each and take it from there.

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Akanamali · 31/10/2018 14:07

In that case, go for a second date with both of them. You'll probably find the choice easier to make as you get to know each of them a bit better.

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JacquesHammer · 31/10/2018 14:08

Can they really mean it when they say that reproducing isn't important to them?

Confused Odd question.

Do you really mean it when you say you won’t reproduce again?

Childfree is a perfectly valid and normal choice

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DuckofDoom · 31/10/2018 14:08

Go on a second date with both (separately, I mean- not as a three!!) and see if that helps clarify things. It’s such early days. You don’t need to make a decision to choose somebody after one date!

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RickOShay · 31/10/2018 14:09

I would go for the older man. They have learnt more. Good luck Smile

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SheBangsit · 31/10/2018 14:09

Sensible advice! Yes, overthinking.

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