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Original poster

To go on Jeremy Kyle to meet my siblings?

80 replies

Konoha · 30/10/2018 20:18

I'm seriously considering it!

I have an older half-brother, and a younger half-sister that I've never met. My dad died when I was four, and all my family member's 'can't remember' anything to do with him or my siblings. I've tried the internet and Salvation Army, but not come up with much; it doesn't help that the details I DO have about him are different on each document. All I have is his name (which is spelt differently depending who I ask!) And they date of his death.
He was murdered 31 years ago and all I have is one picture, dubious information about him, and two siblings whose names I don't even know :( I've spent the last decade trying to find SOMETHING.

aibu unreasonable t o be desperate enough to go on Jezza? :(

OP posts:
ExCharlieBucket · 30/10/2018 21:06

try findmypast.co.uk
if you have his birthdate you can find his real name
if you can find his real BC it will have both parents names
you can then input mothers name and DOB an bring up children born to her

ExCharlieBucket · 30/10/2018 21:07

I mean an appromixation of his name

if you want me to look for him for you PM me and Ill have a quick look

Nancydrawn · 30/10/2018 21:08

Do not do the Ancestry DNA search! (At least not if you can avoid it.)

There are all sorts of really dodgy things about privacy that are linked to it. In the States, at least, they can sell your DNA data. This past summer they agreed to some privacy screening, but it's voluntary not mandated that they abide by this. A huge amount of their money is made by being paid for their data. This is made worse because GlaxoSmithKline, the pharmaceutical company, just paid $300 million for a stake in 23andMe.

GSK can use it for themselves, to help decide about drug targeting. The companies can sell your data to outside research companies, and there are cases where life insurance companies are requiring those who have done the test to disclose (and presumably up your rates if you have markers for bad diseases). People worried about privacy are concerned that it could raise health care costs (though less of a problem in the UK). And it creates a database for the government: there have been many criminals caught because their relatives did DNA tests. While I'm not planning on committing any crimes (!), I don't love the idea of involuntarily giving my personal information to government entities without specific cause.

In other words, don't do it if you can avoid it. I'm sunk (or children are), as my mother-in-law did it a few years ago. But it's really, really shady stuff right now with very few protections.

Original poster
Konoha · 30/10/2018 21:16

His name was Eric Clarke (Erik? In some reports!), i don't have his date of birth, but I know he was born in London or ther eabouts. he'd be in his mid sixties if he were alive. Apparently he had/has a twin sister.
He was a police officer in Coventry before joining the army. He served in the Faulklands as a staff sargeant. He later left, moved to Northern Ireland and joined the RUC. He was a bodyguard/body double for a Sinn Fein politician.
My dad was kil led on 17th September 1991, when the armoured vehicle he was travelling in was hit in a horizontal mortar attack. He was rhe only one to have died.
He WAS married at the time to an Iri sh lady who is the mother to my younger sister.
I have no information on my older brother, though I think he'd be around four years older thN me, so 35ish.
I've found the odd bits and bobs online such as in memoriam etc, but that's it.

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 30/10/2018 21:22

@Konoha, with that information and a photo, have you tried FB? I've seen various appeals over the years on FB, some apparently successful.

BTW, from your last post, he did 27 years ago, not 31 - is that correct?

I really second NOT going on JK.

Original poster
Konoha · 30/10/2018 21:25

Yeah sorry, he died 27 years ago, '31' was a typo lol. I had a quick look on facebook and found groups for benevolent funds etc, but thats it. I tried contacting the admin and no response.

OP posts:
Aridane · 30/10/2018 21:28

The companies can sell your data to outside research companies, and there are cases where life insurance companies are requiring those who have done the test to disclose (and presumably up your rates if you have markers for bad diseases)

No, no and no. Insurance companies in the UK are not permitted to ask for or receive the results of genetic testing.

And Ancestry DNA is nothing to do with genetic testing, just ethnicity and DNA links

frogface69 · 30/10/2018 21:28

That is a lot of information. There are sites where you can appeal for people as well.
Long lost family will get heaps of requests. More chance of getting on Jeremy Kyle I reckon.

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 30/10/2018 21:28

If he had a twin sister then that should make it a lot easier to identify the right birth record.

Rudgie47 · 30/10/2018 21:30

I think Facebook for that area will get you in touch with the right people.

ButchyRestingFace · 30/10/2018 21:31

I had a quick look on facebook and found groups for benevolent funds etc, but thats it.

Sorry, I maybe wasn't clear. The FB posts I've seen is where someone uploads their story (and photo) - just as you've done here - to their timeline, and then asks their friends to share it.

Then the friends share it on their timeline, and ask their friends to share it and so on, and that way it gets passed on until hopefully someone who can help sees it.

As your half-siblings are young, chances are they will have FB accounts and recognise your dad, or someone who knows of him/them might.

Good luck anyway. Flowers

Rednaxela · 30/10/2018 21:32

We used finder monkey to track down similarly long lost dad. Turned out he was deceased which was heartbreaking. But we had discussed all possibilities for years before deciding to go ahead so had already done some mental groundwork as it were. Just be cautious and have someone impartial who you trust to talk it all through with if possible.

rubycon · 30/10/2018 21:32

I've pm'd you

SirVixofVixHall · 30/10/2018 21:33

I can see a few Eric Clarkes .im looking at ancestry. I can also check find my past if you like. Any idea at all where he might have been born , and the rough year, eg 1954 ?
There is an Eric Cornelius Clarke, born in Southwark in 1954, who died in 1997 ?

Original poster
Konoha · 30/10/2018 21:33

mumoftwoyoungkids the first link you sent was how I found out the detai ls of my dad's death lol, I was brought up being told a few different storie s.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 30/10/2018 21:34

Sorry, I meant 1992 .

Alexandra2018 · 30/10/2018 21:35

Come on though the reunion ones aren't generally chavvy like the others!

Original poster
Konoha · 30/10/2018 21:35

butchyrestingface aahhh ok, gotcha lol. Thanks.

OP posts:
TragicallyUnbeyachted · 30/10/2018 21:39

In fact, I think I've found a reference -- will message you.

Original poster
Konoha · 30/10/2018 21:39

sirvixofvixhall he would've been born in 1954ish? He died in 1991. Not sure what part of London he was from, or even if that's a definite. It's just something I heard growing up

OP posts:
Original poster
Konoha · 30/10/2018 21:40

Thanks everyone for your advice and help, I appreciate it. I've been considering posting something like this for a while but felt silly about it

OP posts:
Faroutbrussel · 30/10/2018 21:40

Since he was in the Army I would contact the Ministry of Defence and see if they can give you any more details.

www.gov.uk/guidance/request-records-of-deceased-service-personnel

Hope this helps, good luck

ButchyRestingFace · 30/10/2018 21:41

@Konoha, there's are three people on this FB memorial page (under the first page) that seemed to know him:

www.facebook.com/ARMAGHCBC/posts/17-september-1991eric-clarke-37-year-old-protestant-married-with-3-children-and-/505335026225809/

Have you seen this?

Did your dad have a son called 'Nigel'?

MorningCuppa · 30/10/2018 21:41

Try the Facebook group
"Find my family (uk)"