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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to leave my child behind?

59 replies

Picklepickle123 · 30/10/2018 19:17

My friend has recently moved abroad and has kindly offered me to come and stay. There are some pretty cheap tickets going in January, and I'd be away for five days.

AIBU to thinking DH and MIL can manage a 18 month old by themselves for this period of time? Or is he too young?

He sees MIL once or twice a month and loves her (prefers her to me most of the time). DH is very hands on but has always struggled to settle him at night time especially when DS has been teething/ill.

I could take DS with me but that feels like more work than it's worth and I really feel like I deserve a holiday. But also feeling a lot of mum guilt that maybe he's too young?

OP posts:
Ragwort · 30/10/2018 20:23

Of course you should go, I would be ashamed to admit that I couldn’t leave my child with his own father.

Kitsandkids · 30/10/2018 20:32

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t go, because you have to do what’s right for you. But I do think that sometimes toddlers can be negatively affected by a parent going away. My brother was 2 when my mum went into hospital for 5 days to have me and she’s always said when she came out he was a different child with issues that took years to fix. I have a 17 month old and wouldn’t leave her for that length of time unless I had to. She’s far more attached to me than to my husband and is too little to understand that I’ll be coming back soon.

stationaryace · 30/10/2018 20:33

Go. Mine managed for two weeks when I was admitted to hospital (twice!) so a planned holiday should be easy!

DerelictWreck · 30/10/2018 20:34

you'll learn just how unindispensible you are!

Alternatively, you might learn how dispensable you are...

Wink
WontonSoupForTheSoul · 30/10/2018 20:37

Go, baby will be fine!

Though I can’t understand why your MIL is being drafted in. Does she help with childcare when you’re at home?

MrsGB2225 · 30/10/2018 20:38

Definitely go, but be prepared that your first couple of hours back height be a bit off with you. I left my dS at 20 months for 5 nights and the home coming wasn’t at all
What I expected. He was quite standoffish.

MrsGB2225 · 30/10/2018 20:44
  • might be a bit off with you Sorry too much wine!
diddl · 30/10/2018 20:48

Will your friend not want to see your son also?

Nevth · 30/10/2018 20:52

Go for sure! And enjoy it! Your DS has a capable dad (and MIL) and they will get some quality bonding time together.

I do not know any 18-month old who has suffered by being left in the care of one of their parents! Have an amazing time OP.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 30/10/2018 20:52

Go! My parents fucked off to Kenya for two weeks when I was that age and I was none the wiser!

Mivery · 30/10/2018 20:55

Yes of course! Go, have fun! It sounds like DH has got it covered for the most part and he has MIL to tag in if he needs help.

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 30/10/2018 20:55

By that reckoning @Kitsandkids I should be ruined! My dad was in the navy and away for months on end (I screamed hysterically when he came back from 9 months at sea as I diddnt know who he was) and my mum was in and out of hospital from birth to about 7 for serval weeks at a time!

TheStopAndChat · 30/10/2018 20:56

Absolutely go!! Have fun Smile

mindutopia · 30/10/2018 21:02

Of course they can. I went to the U.S. for a week followed by Australia for 9 days when my first was 17 months (both work trips, but glorious!). It was a lovely time for my dh with her and they really bonded without me meddling too much. And it was nice to feel like a grown up again.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 30/10/2018 21:03

@kits I'm pretty sure something else must have contributed to your brother's change in behaviour. I have never known a reaction that extreme .

Me and DH work away regularly and it's never had a detrimental impact in our relationship with DS. We also go away together at least once a year and he's fine!

WontonSoupForTheSoul · 30/10/2018 21:09

My brother was 2 when my mum went into hospital for 5 days to have me and she’s always said when she came out he was a different child with issues that took years to fix. I have a 17 month old and wouldn’t leave her for that length of time unless I had to. She’s far more attached to me than to my husband and is too little to understand that I’ll be coming back soon

So you’re not going to have another child in case your little girl gets upset if you’re in hospital?

What if you don’t go away until your child is old enough to understand you’ll be back, but they’re not accustomed to it so react badly anyway?

Tahani · 30/10/2018 21:10

you and they will be fine!!

explodingkitten · 30/10/2018 21:11

My parents left me with friends when I was six months old for a vacation. I was fine. Your baby will be well cared for, let go of tge guilt and have fun.

whatsthestory123 · 30/10/2018 21:14

Go,enjoy op

Original poster
Picklepickle123 · 30/10/2018 21:16

MIL is being roped in because two of the five days are the days when I look after DS and DH is at work. He's self employed so we'd lose out of he took annual leave. Also he really likes her and she's offered loads of times to have him/babysit so feels silly not to let her help out! DH will be doing three of the five days on his own, he's perfectly capable of looking after both of them.

Thanks for all the responses, I'm feeling a lot more confident Smile

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 30/10/2018 21:17

Personally I wouldn’t leave my children that long at that age and neither would my husband. I’m sure he’ll be fine though. So if you want to go you should.

diddl · 30/10/2018 21:24

"My brother was 2 when my mum went into hospital for 5 days to have me and she’s always said when she came out he was a different child with issues that took years to fix."

Did she not see him at all then for the whole 5days & then arrive home with a baby?

pretendingtowork1 · 30/10/2018 21:24

If you're going to go, I'd suggest having a weekend away on your own fairly soon to give DH a trial run.

Rogueone · 30/10/2018 21:34

kitsandkids I think your DB may have been more affected by your arrival than his mum
not being there for a few days! My DD did protest weeing when her younger DB arrived.......a new sibling is rather different than parents going away for a few days and leaving there DC behind with loving grandparents.

SusieQ5604 · 30/10/2018 21:36

Go!!! Have fun!!! Don't worry!!!!

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