Been too relaxed about dd's fussy eating and now she's 11!

[Summeristhebest]

DD has always been a stubbornly fussy eater and after a few battles when she was little I decided to take a relaxed approach. This has resulted over the years in me tending to cook things she likes - probably to the detriment of the rest of the family. She also has tomato ketchup with a lot of meals (and vegetables.) My ds will eat anything but dd flatly refuses. I've tried getting her to cook stuff which she loves to do, but then still won't eat what she's made or will only eat a tiny amount of the healthy stuff (often with ketchup.) I feel like I have completely failed her. I need to get this sorted but just don't know how. Don't want to create eating issues etc. Please give me wise words. I feel like a complete failure.

Please don't worry too much. I was an extremely fussy eater as a child and would pretty much only eat cheese on toast, chicken nuggets, fish fingers and chips. Only vegetable I would eat was peas. As an adult I eat pretty much anything now. My DS is better than I was as a child but still a bit more fussy than I would like.

This may change in her teenage years, as a horrifically fussy eater whose parents stopped forcing me to eat veg after I threw it up at the table I now as an adult will eat almost everything. I even recently as a 37 year old ventured into the world of oysters.

Peer pressure will likely be a powerful tool in her broadening her taste, don't worry too much.

I have a fussy six year old, occasionally if he tries something new when we eat out, I batch cook it, recently bolgnase, and offer it once a week. I'm slowly getting him on board with something new but it's a hard road.

This didn't really start getting better with my DD until she turned 14 or so. Maybe it's puberty related.

I read somewhere that fear of new foods can have an instinctual basis, which makes some sense. If eating it didn't make you sick before they feel safer sticking with it.

Have patience.

My eldest has improved with age. Her best friend insisting she try stuff as 'you have the taste buds of a baby' has helped too! (She's now 15)

My horrendously fussy eater will try stuff quite happily of her own accord these days now she's 15. You can't suggest it to her though or she will refuse. The horror we went through to get to this point though during her much younger years, pass me the wine . It started to improve around 11.

Maybe start cooking a wider range of foods for the benefitof tbe rest of the family and let your dd prepare herself something else if she doesnt want to eat it. She may always be fussy - some people are - but it should limit her not everyone else.

I find with the kids I work with that if I can persuade them to have literally a teaspoon of what I have made to try, they can come back for more if they like or just leave it.

The bane of my working life is fussy eaters. I had one child stand in front of me at the servery and proudly announce with a huge grin “I’m a fussy eater so I can’t have any of that” - “that” being a lovely roast dinner 🤔. I wanted to say “well you are going to be hungry then” but I’m not allowed to and have to try and pander to their fussiness. I was quite impressed when one of the other kids in the queue had a go at the fussy one pointing out that they had allergies and would love to try different foods but couldn’t and he didn’t realise how lucky he was. He then agreed to try a taste of it and actually did eat it.

Don't worry. I was the same at her age - and older. Now I eat almost anything. Some kids are just like that - thank goodness the days are over where you had to eat everything at school, teachers watching and forcing. That was abuse in my book!

My nephew was like this, he is 13 now and getting better all the time. Not related to anything at home, the improvement is definitely down to getting something to eat while out with friends. They are a lot less accommodating and he tries stuff to fit in.

I stopped cooking around my very fussy DD when she got to about 6/7 as it really wasn't helping - it was enabling it. It was a battle for the first few weeks but she soon realised it was eat what we were or it was toast yet again. By the time she was a teenager, she was trying all sorts of things and now is less fussy than her younger sister who seems to have swapped roles with her . And stop buying ketchup.... show her the empty bottle!

Watch that ketchup. It is basically sugar and won't be helping her teeth.

My DS is 17 and still fussy. Drives me bonkers. I feel such a failure too.

When he was weaning I did the whole Annabel Karmel baby and toddler cook book practically and he was fine. He has gradually reduced the foods he eats.

Ketchup is classed as a vegetable in this house!

I get so bloody bored of it all. DH likes to menu plan and I hate it. We have the same bloody stuff the whole time so what’s the point?

How fussy?

Ref the ketchup, my brother had a bottle on the top table for himself when he got married when he was 31.

I wouldn’t worry too much apart from using low sugar ketchup . My dd was a very picky eater ,my oldest eats most things , and at 11 was diagnosed as coeliac which further restricted her diet . She is 19 now and although she still doesn’t eat any vegetables unless they are in a sauce or similar she now eats a wide variety of fruit and has in the past year or two started to try new things and for example will now eat gammon and chicken . Her diet never affected the rest of the family because I’ve routinely cooked a different meal for her .

This really isn't fair on the rest of the family. She is old enough to cook something for herself. I would make nice meals for the family and if she doesn't like it, she can make something herself.

Apparently until I was 3 I would eat anything, and then I reduced what I'd eat massively until I was probably late teens. There are still foods that make me feel unwell just at the thought of eating them, and make me retch if someone has smuggled them into the food and I feel them in my mouth. However, over the years my beige-mostly diet has been enhanced by vegetables. Don't get me wrong, if I'm home alone for a weekend I might still have a cheese and onion crisp sandwich, but I will make myself a butternut squash and chickpea curry for tea!

She's getting to an age where she is safe in the kitchen, so teach her to cook the food she likes while you get to cook nicer meals for the rest of the family.

My fusspot is 9. I carry on with regular meals from the family, but always have some fishcakes available, or egg on toast. "Going hungry" isn't an option because he'd only be happy to get away from eating. (I don't worry too much because I used to be exactly the same)

She is young yet.

And the teenage years will bring peer pressure for her to eat more " mature" foods.

My nephew ruined his baby teeth having ketchup with everything.
No sweets, sugary snacks or fizzy drinks otherwise in his diet.
The dentist said he would ban ketchup for children.

I’m another one who was incredibly fussy - would only eat a very limited range of pale coloured processed foods - and they couldn’t touch! Was a nightmare as I couldn’t go to tea with friends without massive anxiety and mealtimes at home were very stressful.

I started to branch out in my teens and am now not fussy at all. Having experienced the awfulness of being ‘fussy’ I am very tolerant of children with this problem. Keep offering different foods, in a casual relaxed way, and hopefully it will lessen and eventually disappear.

Being ‘fussy’ is horrible - I would have much preferred to be ‘normal’.

Does she eat at other people's homes?

Children are often able to narrowly control what they eat at their own home but are more open to different food with other people.

That might start her on the path of realising that things that aren't her favourites aren't actually poisonous.

I was also really fussy as a child but not at all now.

"Going hungry" isn't an option because he'd only be happy to get away from eating. Oh my God I'm so pleased someone has said this! My DS will be 4 in January and has never been interested in food from the start! At nursery if he doesn't like whatever it is he just won't eat it and will go hungry. Last week because he didn't even touch the main or pudding they made him a cheese sandwich and a banana which he ate all of because he was starving! If he could have a pill once a day and not eat he would be super happy! I don't get it because we both love food. He just messes around at the table and plays little games with his fingers etc rather than eat. It drives me nuts.

Stop buying ketchup

I think the OP has a point. So many adults are fussy, don’t eat this and that. And certainly no vegetables (unless it’s peas and maybe carrots).

So yes some people do grow up and start eating a more balanced diet but that’s not what I see around me (I work with people with health conditions and review their diets with them so have a quite good insight there).
A diet that isn’t balanced/poor often leads to health issues too.

One word about peer pressure as a teen.
Be aware. The pressure might well go in a way you aren’t that happy about. Most of my teenagers friends won’t touch vegetables and think my dcs are weird for eating a salad.
So maybe 10~20 years ago, peer pressure would have helped. I’m not convinced this is the case nowdays

My sibling allowed their children to be very fussy and now they are older teenagers who still don’t eat a single vegetable or any fruit and who complain loudly at restaurants if there is any visible veg in their curries or gravy etc. They’ll only eat chips, no potatoes or pasta. Only chicken breast or steak and one brand of sausage. No mince, no fish of any kind, no lamb, pork, turkey etc. When they come over for dinner we have to make three separate meals. It’s a complete nightmare and is now affecting their social lives.