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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to question my friends surgery choice?

34 replies

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:11

My friend who has what I feel is pretty low self esteem, who is actually lovely, fabulous and bloody funny has decided on getting her lips done.

She’s early 20s and has lovely, normal lips meaning there’s actually nothing wrong with her lips at all. She’s so beautiful and energetic, and her personality radiates for miles! Her smile is fantastic, has beautiful teeth and just lovely all round. There are things that let me know and believe about her lack of self esteem, it’s not just assumption.

I feel like surgery is so normal these days, and if it was back just a few years ago when it was still accessible but not many people got it our age she probably wouldn’t get them done... I don’t feel like she dislikes her lips, but would like to be apart of the latest trend?

Am I just a bitch? I haven’t said anything to her other than “are you sure this is what you want to do ”

She’s going to a beauty parlour :( she couldn’t even answer me if the person was a qualified nurse and she’s paying £90 for 1ml.

It really just feels so so wrong to me. I’ve really tried to keep my mouth shut as she will do it anyway and I don’t want to come across like a bitch who doesn’t want her to feel good about herself because seriously I do, I honestly do.

But I feel like this isn’t the right decision it’s worrying how many girls my age and younger have had surgery.

What I’m asking really because I know it’s none of my business, but surgery this young? When nothing’s wrong per say?

Sorry for the Novel x

OP posts:

ragged · 29/10/2018 20:14

If your friends don't tell you that you're doing something wrong, who will?

I guess you could her that she looks great already, "Why ruin perfection?" But it's her body to do as she pleases, you have to respect that, too.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/10/2018 20:15

She's getting injections, not surgery, first of all. Second of all, this isn't your decision to make. If she asks for your opinion, be honest and tell her you don't think she needs them as her lips are already lovely. But if she doesn't ask, keep your opinion to yourself.

Unicornandbows · 29/10/2018 20:17

I think yabu i see how you are concerned however if this is something she will feel good about doing than you can only support her even though you personally wouldn't. Lip fillers aren't permenant and is reversable not many risks either unless done by some back alley person.

Remember it's her body and she can do what she wants with it.

Original poster

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:17

She knows I think she’s beautiful, when she told me I did say but your lovely why would you? Even when I said that she got very defensive, which makes me feel so bad, because like who am I to question her? But your right. I’m hoping there’s not a told you so moment coming when she gets them done 😢 there’s so many girls these days that have ruined in my eyes their pretty face I literally do not want that for her, and I did say that.

OP posts:

Tink88 · 29/10/2018 20:17

It’s lip fillers? That’s not suregry it’s injections in the lips. It’s not permanent either it dissolves in a few months

fruitshot · 29/10/2018 20:18

It's just fillers, that won't last. I would just let her crack on personally.

Haircutdilemma · 29/10/2018 20:20

It's not surgery, it's injections into the lips using a numbing cream (topical anastetic?)

They last a few months and are reversible if she decides she doesn't like it after all.

Its really not a big deal.

Original poster

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:21

Ah sugar of course I haven’t a clue why i put surgery. I just feel that there may be a deeper lying problem, I have one friend who has had a lot of surgery on their face and body, but in this case I could totally see why they wanted it. I just worry.

OP posts:

ShalomJackie · 29/10/2018 20:25

I have yet to see anyone who has lipfillers look better afterwards so I get where you are comibg from but it is her choice.

Are you brave enough to send her a link about what happened to Lesley Ash?

StealingYourWiFi · 29/10/2018 20:27

I have lip filler for scar revision. I also pay £90 per 1ml but that is the COST price of the product. It is injected by my colleague who is a consultant head and neck surgeon. £90 at a beauty salon? Not worth the risk.

Original poster

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:28

Not at this point no, because I don’t want to make her feel bad about her decision at all :(

But for those who are saying that there are no side effects, over injected lips can stretch the skin which means when the filler does leave the body the lip is then stretched. And as we have seen, girls don’t normally just go for the ‘natural look’.

My point is, lip fillers are now the norm, and I think the trend will die out, which will leave people feeling worse with mashed lips than before the injections with their normal lips.
Don’t fix what isn’t broken I suppose.

I am being unreasonable I suppose thanks everyone.

OP posts:

MrsPinkCock · 29/10/2018 20:29

I don’t think YABU but it’s her body and her choice at the end of the day and there’s a good chance nothing you say will make any difference.

Personally I think they look daft.

Original poster

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:30

stealingyour how much is normal for 1ml from someone such as yourself? x

OP posts:

StealingYourWiFi · 29/10/2018 20:31

Colleague charges patients £350+. Most places by a nurse will be around £170+

Kit10 · 29/10/2018 20:32

They look so ridiculous 🙈 she'll just need to learn!

stayathomer · 29/10/2018 20:33

I don't think you're a bitch and I think the 'are you sure?' question was the right way to go. I don't know how much you can bring it up before it annoys her so if you are going to say it you need to say it in one go. You seem diplomatic so tbh I think you'd be fine to say it. Personally I much rather friends tell me before than afterwards when they might say 'I Wasnt going to say anything but I was a bit worried.' Who does that help?

Ollivander84 · 29/10/2018 20:40

I think it's fine to say are you sure
I started having Botox age 34 and people have been sniffy about that. But it wasn't for ageing purposes

Haircutdilemma · 29/10/2018 20:42

Those saying they look rubbish have only spotted the bad ones or the over done ones. If someone had a good set you wouldn't know they aren't real.

Fingers crossed your friend gets good ones.

Original poster

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 20:47

There’s just so much drama within it too, a lot to do with boys etc etc and I just want her to know that she does not need to turn to a needle to accept herself more, but because of who she is, I would not want to come across as condescending in anyway. She’s my friend I’d stick through her looking like a bad fish or paper lips! I just feel strongly about it, even though I have no right too. Just wanted to see if there was anyone else like me.

OP posts:

April241 · 29/10/2018 20:52

I’ve had lip fillers.

I used to have a beauty blog a number of years ago and a company asked if I’d like to attend their clinic for any treatment in return for an honest review. A surgeon I worked with at the time worked at the clinic so I was comfortable going there.

I had just less than a ml top and bottom and it would have cost £340 had it not been free.

I loved the finished look, three years on and my lips are still plumper than they were although all the filler has dissolved. I spoke to the surgeon I worked with and he said for some people the results can be longer lasting and in some cases the lips remain looked fuller although the actual filler will be gone. I moved jobs and no one can tell I’ve had them done unless I tell them, the difference is really subtle but compared to my older pictures you can see.

I also had HUGE lips when I was pregnant so that could also be why they still look fuller, maybe it’s left a permanent change. Strange but welcome side effect of being pregnant for me

Calamityjac · 29/10/2018 20:59

I remember when I was pregnant with my youngest and my lips were bigger and I loved them, my friends used to day my lips looked like Angelina Jooles (Yessss) lol. Sadly they aren’t like that now, back to normal. Some lip fillers look good, others not so. Not sure I would take the chance on getting them done, seen too much trout pout or duck faces and it just puts me off, besides, I suffer from cold sores and I’ve heard you can get a really bad load of cold sores after getting fillers x

MyBrexitIsIll · 29/10/2018 21:11

I think the question about going somwhere reputable with the right training (aka a nurse!!) is something really worth the discussion. So many that can go wrong when things like this are done by people who aren’t properly trained :(

I can also see why you would find it sad OP. Or why you are worried.
The reality is that if you tell her she is beautiful enough etc... it will nit change her mind. And actually she might well take it as a sign you disapproved and are judging her. Which I know isn’t what you want to do.
The best thing you can do is to support her in building her self esteem. Be there for her as friend, whatever her decision. The stronger her self esteem will be, the less she will want to make herself be ‘better’ through fillers or surgery.

Dvg · 29/10/2018 21:23

My cousins just got hers done... looks awful! Haven't said anything but looks like a wonky fish and it's given her a moustache line and she went to a proper expensive surgery

HollowTalk · 29/10/2018 21:43

Hasn't she read about Lesley Ash? That would put me off ever having it done. I'm sure LA could afford a lot more than your friend, too.

Original poster

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 21:44

mybrexit no your right and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. We’ve came along way from the broken little mouse girl when I first met her. I’m sure she will look fab!

April imagine if you didn’t like them though and it lasted! It’s different if you actually know who’s bloody doing it, part of this is the fact it’s a friggin beauty salon who can barely do make up!!!’

dvg exactly 😢🤷🏼‍♀️

calamit I suppose at least you now know if you wanted them that you suit them!!

OP posts:

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