To defend my child whilst looking crazy?!
Travellingmamma · 29/10/2018 16:03
This is my first AIBU so be gentle with me! Took my kids (4 and 3) to a fast food restaurant for lunch today as it was inset day for my biggest. DS1 had been generally getting on my nerves all through lunch and I was at the glad to get out of there. He ran the the door out onto the street, tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his face. DS immediately started hysterically crying and came to me for a hug to check his wounds (a small scratch on each hand). I hear laughter coming from behind me so I turned around and saw 2 boys of around 9 and 11ish? I shot them an evil look and they carried on howling and went back inside. I followed. From standing in the doorway I said “you think it’s funny to laugh at a small child that’s hurt themselves? If you were my boys I’d be ashamed of you!” I was firm, but not shouting. Then their dad came over and when I said they’d laughed at my DS who had hurt himself told me to get used to people laughing, they thought it was funny, I was crazy and need to get a life. The boys followed me back outside outside still pointing and manically laughing (at me now, not my son) and I lost it. I said their behaviour was disgusting to their dad just inside the door and he said I need to grow up and stop chasing children who are just having a laugh. One of the boys stuck his middle finger up at me. The mum appeared with another older boy from the toilets and also gave me a mouthful of abuse. I said forget it and left, they left as well and carried on shouting back at me walking in the other direction. I shouted back “if that’s how you act in front of your kids then I’m not surprised how they behave!” I was seething inside, but could see I wasn’t getting anywhere! I know my boys wouldn’t laugh at someone who was crying, and if someone said to me that they had then I would explain to them that they were unkind and ask them to apologise. I suppose that’s what I wanted from these parents, I despair that some parents encourage their children’s unkind behaviour rather than reprimand. However, I also get that I may have looked like a lunatic, opening the door and telling some random kids that I would be ashamed of them! Sorry for the ramble, but the more I think about it, the more I think I shouldn’t have lost my temper with some random preteens. So wibu to stick up for my crying child or was I a crazy person?
Cauliflowersqueeze · 29/10/2018 16:06
You were snappy with their kids and got a mouthful back. They were worse but the days when you can tell other people’s kids not to behave unkindly are over I’m afraid.
upsideup · 29/10/2018 16:13
YWBU. You should have focused on your child and taking him home where you could tell him that the boys were unkind but just to ignore them. Do you really want to teach them that they can just shout at people for laughing at inappropriate times in public?
And what did you do with your crying 4 year old and your 3 year old when you followed and lost it at someone elses children? Neither being left outside or dragged back in to watch their mum shout and be shouted at sounds very fun for them.
Timeforabiscuit · 29/10/2018 16:13
Not a crazy person, but people are shit
One benefit of these arseholes is that it makes me want my daughters to be able to speak up for themselves and others - that means i have to set an example too.
So no, your actions probably had no impact on the teenagers, but your son will grow up knowing that people shouldnt laugh at you when you're hurt.
keepingbees · 29/10/2018 16:13
Yanbu. I think it's normal to be defensive of your child, but I you need to pick your battles.
LemonSqueezy0 · 29/10/2018 16:13
Kids that age are always going to laugh at someone falling over.... Sounds a bit like ds had wound you up and you've snapped at them..
The reaction of the parents will also be commonplace in afraid.
Blanchedupetitpois · 29/10/2018 16:14
I think you overreacted a bit. Sounds like these kids were being arseholes but they’re just children being stupid. I wouldn’t think it was worth telling them off for, just because it’s more hassle than anyone needs.
Timeforabiscuit · 29/10/2018 16:14
upsideup they were being cruel, laughing at a hurt child is not funny, its cruel.
SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 29/10/2018 16:19
Although it isn't pleasant, many people, children included, do laugh when someone falls over. I'm sorry to say that, given time in the school playground, your boys will laugh at someone falling over too.
Itchyknees · 29/10/2018 16:22
A “thats not very kind!” and a hard glare would have done. Kids laugh inappropriately, especially if they’re not quite sure what to do or how to react, and even more so if there’s another child there.
WitchesWeb · 29/10/2018 16:24
I know my boys wouldn’t laugh at someone who was crying, and if someone said to me that they had then I would explain to them that they were unkind and ask them to apologise.
DC do at times laugh at inappropriate things. You have no idea what your young DC will do in the future, or when they are not with you.
Where was your DC whilst all this was going on?
OutragedEtc · 29/10/2018 16:24
They were unkind, but most kids will laugh inappropriately at some time or other. Following them in was a bit ott
DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 29/10/2018 16:27
One of the problems is that the other children couldn't care less that some random stranger in the street is ashamed of them. They probably couldn't care less about anything anyone else thinks about them. If you are the only person who has mentioned their way of treating other people to them it will have little impact, they have had many instances of their parents allowing them to behave in a disrespectful way for one 'telling off' to not change anything.
In future you should probably just ignore others negative reactions to what happens in your family and focus on sorting your children out. It is not worth the hassle of 'taking on' someone else's children, swallow the reactions your adrenaline produces and ignore, ignore, ignore, don't let them get to you. Easier said than done, I know.
How some people raise their children explains some of why the world is in the mess it is in. Unfortunately it is hard for strangers to influence all these children, keep to being a good example for your children and your friend's children, where you can be a positive influence.
youarenotkiddingme · 29/10/2018 16:28
Yanbu to have told them they were being unkind and glaring. You should have left it there though.
But then I'm probably totally unreasonable because if my ds had been a PITA, ran off and tripped up - he would have been told by me that it serves him right and would have gotten little sympathy!
PrincessJuanita · 29/10/2018 16:29
They sound like a horrible family and it would have wound me up too but Ywbu to start an actual argument with them, that was ever going to end well was it. Keep it inside next time, stick to evil looks and angry thoughts.
troodiedoo · 29/10/2018 16:32
It was a no win situation but good on you for sticking up for your kids.
GloomyMonday · 29/10/2018 16:33
When you said you'd be ashamed if they were your children, you criticised their parents and most people react defensively to that.
Basically, you were stroppy with some children in defence of your child, but the parents hit back harder in defence of theirs.
The best you can hope is that (1) you've shown your child that laughing at someone who is hurt is unacceptable, and (2) on reflection the other family might privately acknowledge that they could have handled it differently.
chillpizza · 29/10/2018 16:34
You’re child made you angry and then you had words with children for my being nice but honestly laughing at someone fall over isn’t what every child doesn’t at some point. The parents had a go at you for having ago at their children. Your boys will laugh at someone falling over before they are 10 and someone’s will think they are mean too. You took your frustrations out on those children because your own child got you to the end of your rope.
Racecardriver · 29/10/2018 16:35
Well that’s what you get for going into a fast food restaurant. Those places have a diver throughfira reason.
chillpizza · 29/10/2018 16:36
I have no idea what’s wrong with my phone. Most of my post is unreadable.
It should say the children weren’t being nice but every child will at some point laugh at someone falling over.
ClaryFray · 29/10/2018 16:38
People laugh. He was right get used to it. There kids. Not like they tripped your ds up, that's how your acting.
mimibunz · 29/10/2018 16:38
They're a nasty family, probably have a few ASBOs hanging from their tree. Just try to walk away next time.
Ljlsmum · 29/10/2018 16:38
I think I’d be the same OP. Some people are just shits like the parents of the boys. That’s how little shits turn out in the end.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.