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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To defend my child whilst looking crazy?!

59 replies

Travellingmamma · 29/10/2018 16:03

This is my first AIBU so be gentle with me! Took my kids (4 and 3) to a fast food restaurant for lunch today as it was inset day for my biggest. DS1 had been generally getting on my nerves all through lunch and I was at the glad to get out of there. He ran the the door out onto the street, tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his face. DS immediately started hysterically crying and came to me for a hug to check his wounds (a small scratch on each hand). I hear laughter coming from behind me so I turned around and saw 2 boys of around 9 and 11ish? I shot them an evil look and they carried on howling and went back inside. I followed. From standing in the doorway I said “you think it’s funny to laugh at a small child that’s hurt themselves? If you were my boys I’d be ashamed of you!” I was firm, but not shouting. Then their dad came over and when I said they’d laughed at my DS who had hurt himself told me to get used to people laughing, they thought it was funny, I was crazy and need to get a life. The boys followed me back outside outside still pointing and manically laughing (at me now, not my son) and I lost it. I said their behaviour was disgusting to their dad just inside the door and he said I need to grow up and stop chasing children who are just having a laugh. One of the boys stuck his middle finger up at me. The mum appeared with another older boy from the toilets and also gave me a mouthful of abuse. I said forget it and left, they left as well and carried on shouting back at me walking in the other direction. I shouted back “if that’s how you act in front of your kids then I’m not surprised how they behave!” I was seething inside, but could see I wasn’t getting anywhere! I know my boys wouldn’t laugh at someone who was crying, and if someone said to me that they had then I would explain to them that they were unkind and ask them to apologise. I suppose that’s what I wanted from these parents, I despair that some parents encourage their children’s unkind behaviour rather than reprimand. However, I also get that I may have looked like a lunatic, opening the door and telling some random kids that I would be ashamed of them! Sorry for the ramble, but the more I think about it, the more I think I shouldn’t have lost my temper with some random preteens. So wibu to stick up for my crying child or was I a crazy person?

OP posts:

spiderlight · 29/10/2018 16:41

I have an 11-year-old and I would have been mortified if he'd laughed at a child who had fallen and hurt themselves and would have apologised profusely to you. I guess they were just defending their kids, but it sounds as if they went way over the top.

bringbackthestripes · 29/10/2018 16:45

My toddler DC once slipped and head butted a door way on leaving a shop. Teens opposite saw and cracked up laughing. Wouldn’t have entered my head to say something to them. You can’t police how other people react unfortunately.

Quartz2208 · 29/10/2018 16:45

Shot them an evil look - they walk away. You followed two boys who were laughing (definitely at your son?) and launched into a tirade at that

MrsBethel · 29/10/2018 16:48

Essentially, it's the Rise Of The Idiots.

When an idiot parent's child is naughty or rude:

they don't use that as an opportunity to teach their child how to be a better human being (ie do some parenting);
they instead make excuses for the child and defend them like they would if they were a friend.

There is a growing minority of idiot parents who don't understand that
children have to learn how to behave. And that requires parenting. Idiot parents operate as if each child will develop whatever behaviour patterns and agency they are destined to, and it's not their job as a parent to make the child something they are not. Unless they are very lucky and learn some manners and morality from their friends, the children will inevitably end up semi feral.

Original poster

Travellingmamma · 29/10/2018 16:48

Thanks for your responses, you’re all right of course, I felt foolish after. I’ve never lost my temper with a stranger before and I will hold it in if I ever feel the urge again. My kids aren’t angels btw, eldest would definitely laugh if someone fell over but would show some concern if they were hurt and crying and I hope they always will. My boys were next to me while I was blocking the doorway and DS1 said to me in the car on the way home “none of those people were very nice” and then forgot about it so I don’t think I’ve scarred him!
From the other side, if someone started randomly putting down my children at any age with no explanation then I’d be angry with them too, so I do understand, think I got out of my depth!

OP posts:

Witchend · 29/10/2018 16:48

I shouted back “if that’s how you act in front of your kids then I’m not surprised how they behave!
They could probably say the same back to you from your description.

Thing is that sometimes something can be funny even while you wince. Ever watched Laurel and Hardy? Trying to stop laughing isn't always possible.
I remember being at a park and there was a path which had a wooden bar across at child's head height with "no entry" on. We saw three or four children run straight into this bar and do a kind of cartoon fall. In each case the parent was trying not to chuckle while they comforted the child. Didn't mean they didn't empathise with their child in that it was nasty surprise that probably held a bit of a bump on the head. But the way they fell was very slapstick.

starkid · 29/10/2018 16:52

Sound like not the nicest of families.
Would have probably been better to focus on your DS and explain to him the older boys were mean for laughing and to ignore them, rather than make a scene running after them etc.

RomanyRoots · 29/10/2018 16:57

Unfortunately, it doesn't take a village to raise a child anymore and you have to ignore unless you want abuse.

They sound like an awful family, but children who laugh when people are hurt, are obviously from this sort of family.

I'd have pointed out the kids behaviour to mine in the car and reinforced why it's important to be kind.
Now you either have to talk about bad parents/ not very nice people instead of just telling them about the kids behaviour.

In future, best to keep your nose out and concentrate on your own parenting.

BewareOfDragons · 29/10/2018 17:04

I know children and parents like that, too. Disgusting behaviour. And they act that way at school, too.

So many people who have children shouldn't have.

OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 29/10/2018 17:06

I would be horrified if either of my DS laughed at a smaller child who had hurt themselves, let alone showed a finger when pulled up for it. The fact that they felt this was an appropriate response, and that the father felt laughing was an acceptable action says a lot about the type of family and their upbringing.

Ok, so keeping shouting after them wasn’t particularly dignified, but I can understand how I might happen.

Rise above it, maintain your own standards of acceptable behaviour and move on with your day.

Happygoldfinch · 29/10/2018 17:11

I wish more people questioned the behaviour of brats and their easily offended parents. I would have said something too, OP. I would have hoped that others would have supported me, too. Mind you, if my child had been really annoying in the restaurant (I'm not suggesting yours was) I'd also have to take it on the chin that there would have been a sense of comical come-uppance surrounding him face-planting... it's an awkward one, and I think the parents of the laughing boys are fools for indulging their bullish behaviour.

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 17:12

I would have probably done the same as you. And I have before to a teen who threw rubbish on the floor next to my mums house. After saying no 2 times and becoming aggressive I said some probably Not nice things to a jumped up little prick chav teen that i found harsh but also necessary at the teens behaviour towards me. What if it was a 70 yo????? Where is the respect for adults? As far as I’m concerned if your confident you have brought your children up with more respect than those parents. You have enough right to defend your CHILDS honour. Your boy will have felt silly for showing his emotions when them little toss pots with clearly Chav shit parents laughed and pointed. Be a fucking lion not a sheep. Too many dickheads in the world. I appreciate this is an unpopular view but it’s never done me wrong 😂😏

Likeshyt · 29/10/2018 17:13

Sorry for the DISGUSTING language 😱

BaldricksCoffee · 29/10/2018 17:15

You weren't crazy, those other kids are little shits who are being dragged up in the gutter, and their parents are arseholes.

Mookatron · 29/10/2018 17:16

Of course kids will laugh at people falling over (though honestly I don't think any of the 11 yr old boys I know would). Kids will do all sorts of shitty things. But they should be told off for it!

YANBU except for getting a bit het up when it was obviously achieving nothing. Anyone who says they've never done that is lying though. Just file it under your no doubt growing list of 'things to laugh about when the kids are older' and forget about it 'til then.

formerbabe · 29/10/2018 17:21

My ds is 10 and whilst he can be an absolute nightmare child sometimes he would never laugh at a smaller child falling over... if he did, I'd be quite grateful to you for saying something to him!

WhiteCoyote · 29/10/2018 17:24

I’m completely with you and well done for sticking up for your family!
It really was a no win situation though, dickhead parents raise dickhead kids and there’s no helping it. I’ve had a couple of incidents like that and unfortunately the only thing you can do is ignore them (and seethe about it quietly).

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/10/2018 17:36

Like it or not kids AND adults find people falling over funny. The popularity of programmes like You've been framed is testimony to that. As people get older they usually manage to curb the laughter at least until they have established the person is ok. A simple its not nice to laugh would be sufficient not following them back inside and shouting at them.

Magair · 29/10/2018 17:39

They sound a delightful family. I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, parents are pricks and I would feel sad for their kids growing up in that environment.

formerbabe · 29/10/2018 17:39

Like it or not kids AND adults find people falling over funny

I don't.

Actually if I see a child falling over, I wince and worry they're hurt.

Topseyt · 29/10/2018 17:41

Arsehole parents raise bratty kids.

I can understand why you reacted as you did, but I think you were rather OTT. A death state and then walking away ignoring them would have been better. They were playing you to get a ride out of you, and unfortunately you gave them one. That's what I think anyway but none of us is perfect.

Topseyt · 29/10/2018 17:50

Like it or not kids AND adults find people falling over funny

I disagree there. I certainly don't find it funny. It worries me.

The last time I had a fall I broke my right arm and both my radius and ulna were sticking out through my skin. I will have plates and screws in it for the rest of my life. Hilarious?? I'm just glad that the people who helped me and got me an ambulance didn't think it was funny.

My 85 year old Dad recently had a fall and broke his foot. Hilarious?? No. His mobility was already seriously impaired for several reasons.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 29/10/2018 17:53

Actually if I see a child falling over, I wince and worry they're hurt.

Yes so would I because I am an adult but kids will laugh inappropriately because they just see something that looks funny and dont instantly think of the consequences

Bobaboutwhat · 29/10/2018 17:54

I don’t think your reaction was unreasonable at all OP - it was an emotional response to horrid behaviour targeted at your child. It makes my blood boil that some parents have this “look after your own” attitude and refuse to teach their children how to be kind to others. These children will no doubt be the school bullies and so on, with the concrete knowledge that what they’re doing is acceptable in the eyes of their parents. My DS is 9 and I would be horrified if he acted like this towards another child. There shouldn’t be a “they’ll have to get used to it” attitude from the actual parents of the kids doing the bullying!!

swingofthings · 29/10/2018 17:59

Blame TV and our culture. What do you expect when these kids will have grown up watching you've been framed on Saturday nights. It's expect to laugh at people stumbling because...well its funny, but older people know the difference between laughing at something on TV and laughing in front of the person, these kids didn't.

You did totally overact and by doing so just encouraged them to really start acting badly.

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