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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to DP’s birthday dinner?

34 replies

Polarbearflavour · 29/10/2018 13:31

DP (soon to be DH) is having a small family dinner at his parent’s house next weekend for his birthday.

Sister in law is pregnant again, they already have a DC. I’m feeling a bit sensitive about babies at the moment as I would love one but it’s not happening at the moment for me! Argh! All in all I’m feeling a bit delicate at the moment and a bit down.

DP is very laid back and doesn’t mind at all if I don’t go. But AIBU for not going?
Sad

OP posts:
Thatstheendofmytether · 29/10/2018 13:33

Yes I would say you are.

Thehop · 29/10/2018 13:33

Yeah probably but I do sympathise xx

ShirleyPhallus · 29/10/2018 13:34

Yes you are, sorry for your troubles Flowers

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 29/10/2018 13:34

YABU. Maybe think about getting some fertility treatment once your married.

PinkHeart5914 · 29/10/2018 13:36

Yes I think it’s a bit off if you don’t go tbh. These dc are your dp nieces/nephew and will always be in your life so if you are to be married then there isn’t really a nice way of not going.

I had a very late stillbirth in my first pregnancy and it was a struggle to be around babies for a while after so I do understand although obviously different circumstances to you but when it’s family you just have to get on with it

5foot5 · 29/10/2018 13:36

I think YAB a bit U

If you don't go the family will of course wonder why and if your DH gives the real reason it might lead to awkwardness with the SIL feeling like she can't ever mention her DC and pregnancy at all.

I know it is hard - we tried for years before being successful with IVF. But you are going to come across other people's DCs all the time, you can't just keep avoiding them

Shoxfordian · 29/10/2018 13:37

Yeah you're being quite precious

Blanchedupetitpois · 29/10/2018 13:37

I think YABU. I would understand if it was a distant family member’s party but it’s your own DP - you can’t avoid his family indefinitely just because they have babies. I know it’s hard when you are ttc, but you’ll never be able to totally baby-proof your life. For the big things like this you should try and see it through.

adaline · 29/10/2018 13:38

I'm sorry for what you're going through 

But I do feel it would be rude not to attend your husband-to-be's birthday meal with your future in-laws. I think you need to go and be polite and put on a brave face for the sake of your partner and his family.

mowglik · 29/10/2018 13:39

YABU ..I went through a period when it wasn’t happening for me for a couple of years and in that time my sister, best friend, and 2 sister in laws all fell pregnant. It was difficult at times to be around them but I felt better for not letting it affect my relationships. Go and leave early if you need to?

nevisbump · 29/10/2018 13:40

Sorry for what you are going through but yes you are bu.
When I was pregnant with my first another family member made me feel bad about being pregnant and I was told I should hide my pregnancy from them. If this is your soon to be dh then it's your soon to be family, are you always going to avoid them?

Original poster
Polarbearflavour · 29/10/2018 13:41

Thanks for the replies, I guess I should pull up my big girl pants and go...

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 29/10/2018 13:42

How long have you been trying? Have you spoken with your GP? It might make you feel a bit more in control (of the uncontrollable).

I understand how you are feeling - we had IVF and both my SIL's were pregnant simultaneously. There was a lot of pregnancy and baby talk! At family meals I nipped out to the loo when I needed to get my wobbles in check. So I would go. Thanks

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 29/10/2018 13:43

I don't suppose you have to go but it seems a bit mean not to.

Sethis · 29/10/2018 13:59

If you'd find it utterly impossible to put on a happy face, then don't go. Better to be absent than bitchy/depressed/resentful all night.

But honestly, birthday dinner, your soon-to-be family... if you can muster even a thin veneer of happiness and do your best to talk about non-child related stuff then I think that's a better option. Be honest with your DP about it though - mention it.

Knittedfairies · 29/10/2018 14:03

Wouldn’t your SIL be sympathetic if you told her of your issue?

Hogtini · 29/10/2018 14:03

I'm sure SIL didn't get pregnant to upset you. Sorry you're feeling low but this is your future family and I'm sure they'll be there to share your joy when you have your baby. Let you hair down and enjoy his day

MrsStrowman · 29/10/2018 14:09

If you're close maybe confide in SIL not about how you feel about her pregnancy but about your own struggles, that gives her a heads up to be a bit more sensitive. As it's your DPs birthday I think you should go. Are you having any treatment?

KitKat1985 · 29/10/2018 14:09

Yes given that it's a birthday dinner for your fiancé, I think it would be really odd of you not to go, especially given that your SIL hasn't done anything wrong.

Can you go and just try to keep the topic of conversation off babies? Maybe talk about your upcoming wedding or similar?

oh4forkssake · 29/10/2018 14:10

Yep, YABU. Sorry.

It's very tough - I have that t-shirt, but you're right, you need to put on your big girl pants, and a smile, and go.

Elasticity · 29/10/2018 14:13

YABU

coconutpie · 29/10/2018 14:15

Sorry but YABU.

Somersetlady · 29/10/2018 14:21

Yes i think so.

Ive been pregnant 7 times but have 2 children.

You have to work out a way to get through life. Once it starts to comsume you then you are putting strain on yourself and your relationship.

We gave up the dream of having a baby that stuck and got a puppy. 9 months later we had our first boy!

Somersetlady · 29/10/2018 14:22

I hope one day it happens for you.

CaptainCabinets · 29/10/2018 14:23

Maybe DP could quietly brief his DSis before the party so she knows to be kind to you and not mention her pregnancy?

It’s nobody’s fault, including yours, so please don’t punish anyone for it. Go and enjoy yourself! Flowers