To think £10 is mean for a 16th birthday?

[Plessis]

I know I am going to get flamed particularly as I can't give much back story, but I am feeling really cross that my parents sent my dd a tenner for her 16th birthday. It was such a rubbish, thoughtless present. They have my dsis and my dbro living with them (they are in their 40s) and charge them no rent and are constantly paying for car repairs etc. This has been going on for a few years now and I've had enough. The ten pound note was the icing on the cake.

If they were really scraping the barrel I would be more sympathetic but they own their house outright, probably don't have much spare cash but seem to have enough to support my dbro who has never left home (had drug problems in the past but has been clean and working for many years now) and my dsis whose had a rough time and got kicked out if her house with her dd.

I feel as though I and my family are an afterthought. Ten quid just seems so mean for a 16th,particularly as my pils bought her something really thoughtful and lovely

[ProfessorMoody]

Do you know the ins and outs of their finances? If not, YABU.

Why are they sending it instead of giving it in person? If you live away, perhaps sending money is much easier for them and they support your siblings because they are present.

[hamburgers]

You can't really blame your parents for looking after your siblings, regardless of their ages, both sound like they've had a rough time and not everyone is so lucky to have supportive parents - I'm sure you'd do the same for your DD.

Although I understand why you're upset. A tenner for a 'milestone' birthday is a bit of a poor show and I would have been more sympathetic if they'd said something beforehand like "money is quite tight and this is all we can afford st the moment".

Are they good grandparents otherwise? I'd focus on that if they are. Like I said earlier, we aren't all so lucky to have nice parents/grandparents!

[EduCated]

I think it’s a relatively new thing to see a 16th as a ‘milestone’, it was a little bit of a thing when I was that age, but my parents were baffled by it. Is it the same as what they would give for any other birthday?

[LunaTheCat]

It is always a mistake to confuse money with love. They may be really struggling to support your siblings.

[PinkHeart5914]

Yes it’s rather tight!

£10 note required no thought what so ever, you think you’d put a bit of effort in to your grand daughters birthday

[68Anon]

The amount (£10) wouldn't bother me but the fact it was given as cash rather than spent on a gift would concern me. I always think cash gifts are so easy and no thought has gone into them. It would have been so much nicer if they had spent time choosing a gift no matter how small it would have been.

[Plessis]

They live about 3 hours drive away but in 20 years they've visited once. They refuse to drive. I hate going there because the house has horrible memories for me, but I make sure we go up at least once a year otherwise my dcs would have absolutely no relationship with their GPS.

They often say they don't feel they know their grandchildren, but if I ever call her she never asks about them and if I try and tell her she just changes the subject. My dad refuses to talk on the phone at all.

[Oopsy41]

Ive just give my niece 10 pound for her 16th, it's not a milestone birthday and we are just not in a position to give more. I think there are bigger issues here because they don't seem to be bothered or interested. I'm sorry I don't have any useful advice but I think if they've always been like this then they're not going to suddenly change now. Hope she has a lovely birthday

[Plessis]

Yes I suppose its a symptom of other things. My sister also sent a tenner, but she's struggling and often asks after her and has been very much part of their lives in the past and an aunt isn't quite the same as a grandparent

[tiggerkid]

They did much better than my MIL, who gave my son absolutely nothing for his 16th. Not even a phone call or a birthday card.

[Polkasq]

I wouldn't think of 16 as a milestone birthday.

It sounds like you're resenting the amount they spend on your siblings. Is this more about your relationship with them than the money though?

You can't change them or the £10 so don't waste your energy trying.

[Plessis]

tigger

My parents did that once when they were angry for some imagined reason, I hadn't rung them I think.

I need to remind dd to call to say thank you but I haven't. I might not bother.

[flowery]

What do they normally give for birthdays?

[Plessis]

You can't change them or the £10 so don't waste your energy trying

I know, I thought I'd made my peace with them years ago.

I think this is because I know they are waiting for me to call and say thank you and I can't bear to for some reason!

[Unicyclethief]

I think money is a real cop out, no thought behind it. But you seem more upset with the value?

[Plessis]

They normally give 20. Never an actual present

[Orchardgreen]

Perhaps your parents think that £10 is quite lot for a child? They sound as though they might be in their sixties or older.

[Rudgie47]

It sounds like they are not bothered really about having a relationship with her. It wouldn't be about the money it I were you, my upset would be about their lack of effort for you and your daughter.
What I would do is just concentrate on you and your daughter and forget about them. They have shown you they don't care and unless they are desperately ill or something like that there's no excuses for their behaviour.

[Plessis]

No not at all. If they'd gone to topshop and bought a make up bag or something dd would have been thrilled.

[OutPinked]

A fiver would be tight but anything over a tenner is perfectly acceptable imo.

[Plessis]

They are not desperately ill, they have no serious health problems.

My pils on the other hand have both renetky had pacemakers fitted, my FIL has just been cleared of cancer and has had a heart attack. They still made an effort to buy her something lovely (tickets to a show as she loves drama)

[hellojim]

I think it is an impersonal gift but from the rest of the background information you have given it sounds as if that is how your parents are anyway. However I wouldn't expect a gift for a 16th to be any more substantial than for any other birthday. How does it compare to what they usually give? It doesn't sound as if you and your parents have the warmest relationship so it may be symptomatic of that rather than of their meanness. Or they maybe have their hands full with your siblings. I hope your DD had a lovely birthday!

[GloomyMonday]

Well you don't have any sort of relationship with each other do you? You visit your family once a year. They don't visit you at all. A tenner in a card is a symptom of that.

[Dodie66]

They. Ight think £10 is quite a lot of money. My father used to think giving small amounts was ok because he thought it was a lot. If they are an older generation they might not realise that £10 is not worth so much now

[melissasummerfield]

I dont think seeing them once a year constitutes a relationship, and if i saw a child once a year i would have no idea what to buy her either..