To want advice on getting into a good routine and stop wasting the day?

[Crazyladee]

I wasn't sure whether to post this in mental health as I suffer with mild anxiety and mild depression or the exercise thread, so instead I have posted in AIBU for traffic. Please be gentle.

I am currently not working and I am at home all day. My DCs are older and take care of themselves so all I need to worry about during the day are my 2 dogs.

I hate the fact that I spend so much time at home generally faffing around playing with the dogs or just walking around the house tidying up etc, or on my iPad, and I feel like I am wasting the day. I go to bed the night before with lots of good intentions for the day after but I find myself waking at 8am and can easily be still wandering around in my pyjamas mid morning. By that time, it is too late to go to the gym or take the dogs for an extra long walk (I do walk them every day though) as half the day has already gone. When not working when I used to go to the gym, I tended to go mid morning, as I always liked to finish my workout and be home to shower and wash hair etc by lunchtime at the latest.

I suffer with anxiety and little obstacles tend to go around and around in my head like whether to get up early and walk the dogs first and then go to the gym or the other way around. And when to get showered and get properly dressed for the day. So whilst I am deciding, I make a brew and put the washing on, then I decide to empty the dishwasher. By then, it's getting later and later, so I just end up not bothering. And I hate myself for it. I used to get into a routine of getting up at 4.45am and going to the gym before starting work, getting ready at the gym and heading straight to work. But because of the fact there's no structure in my day anymore, I am getting lazier and have a cant be bothered attitude.

Does anyone have an advice on how to plan my day better without getting overwhelmed with distractions and procrastinations. I used to work full time and used the day much more productively when I worked full time!

I completely empathise as on days when I am not working or taking the kids to school I end up 'wasting' a good few hours and then feel lethargic and have even less motivation to do anything!
Could you make sure you are up and dressed when your children get up?
I would also write a timetable of the day the night before so you get up and do what you have already decided on, rather than worrying about it in the morning?

If I'm on my own with the dog too I like to have breakfast and maybe put a wash on, potter doing some tidying and take the dog out by 10am for a long walk.
Sunny days are so much easier psychologically for me to get up and out - on grey days I really struggle!

Gently

My DCs are much older. One works shifts so spends most of the day in his room and the other is at college and is out of the house by 7.30am.

I think the timetable is a good idea though. Whether it gets stuck to is another matter!

As I work from home (for myself) I find it incredibly hard to get motivated when I'm feeling low. I have started to write out a list to get done the next day I write down everything even small things like change bed, empty dishwasher, sort online banking etc. If it's written down I feel very anxious about getting through the list so it makes me do it. Obviously no good if you are not bothered by lists and getting through them. 

There is though great satisfaction on seeing everything on the list crossed out!

It sounds as though you have set yourself lots of conditions on how you have to do things. I’ve been in that situation although not at the same time as having anxiety/depression, so this may not be that helpful, but what worked for me was breaking my own conditions.

Plan to not shower and wash your hair before lunch. Run the dishwasher half empty, just start it with a few bits in there. Decide that you are going to have two showers, whenever you want. Have lunch really early or late. Go the gym and only do half a workout. Literally think of every routine-disrupting thing you can and do it.

The goal is not to get into a perfect routine but to disrupt the one you're on, which isn’t working. Once you’ve done that, it should be easier to create some new better habits.

With the list maybe set a timer...it’s surprising what you can do in 20 minute bursts.

When I worked from home I used to make "appointments " with radio 4. So, get up after the 8am news, coffee with the 11am news, lunch with world at one... that sort of thing. I found that really useful although be careful I have ended up with an Archers habit!

I work full time and don't wake up until 8.45. Stop thinking of mid-morning as having wasted the day - you really haven't... just give yourself a guaranteed time to leave the house and do something? 11/12?

Is there something you could tackle? The garden, a room to decorate or a new hobby such as an allotment.

Always having a To-Do-List of jobs on the go - then I can choose what to do and in which order, plus a book of longer term jobs...again picking one or two jobs when I am in the mood.

Making every hour count if I am doing stuff at home - cut lawn 9 till 10/vacuum 10 till 11 / sort banking 11 till 12 so my time doesn’t slip.

Decide the night before what I am doing the next day - if it’s getting up early and going then I don’t let my self falter.

Have a weekly schedule - Admin Mondays, Yoga and food shop Tuesdays, Swim Wednesdays, day out Thursdays and so on. It’s calming and settling for me to have a routine of sorts....gives me purpose.

Some great advice everyone thank you

I swear this is not an advert but The Organised Mum Method has changed my life. Look on IG or FB and there has been loads of threads on here x

I'm a complete slattern with MH issues but it breaks it all down and makes it manageable

How about making an early appointment with a personal trainer, or dog training or whatever suits your lifestyle/hobbies at 8.30-9, to force you to get out of the house.

Then write a list of 3-4 achievable things you'll do after that eg rake up leaves, go to tip, make homemade food etc.

I would also volunteer at a charity or reading at a local primary school or local oap lunches - anything - to give back some structure to your week.

What do you like to do? To do lists are good advice and will keep you busy but so you really want to just "be busy"? Could you develop a hobby? For me it would be cooking and my allotment,I could spend hours doing that,reading about it, watching stuff on telly about it. I dont have to put it in a to do list either because I feel natural drawn to it.

A day spent working the allotment followed by some cooking and baking is the most fulfilling for me. I think humans are meant to be creative. Could be anything: taking photographs, drawing, carpentry, music... Whatbia your passion?

I leave my running stuff out the night before, roll out of bed, put it on and go. If I left time to think about it I would be a lot less likely to go.

Maybe I am going against the grain here but I would say instead of a long to do list, go easy on yourself. So decide the evening before one goal eg ‘I will get out of bed by 7:30 and go straight to the gym’. Get all your stuff ready.

Then you don’t need to worry about decision making in the morning. You have your plan. Just do it. Then feel good you have executed your plan.

If you keep on with that plan, you can add more actions.

But be kind to yourself. Are you off work because of your mental health? If so you are already busy doing the important job of recovering.

You also say that small things become an obstacle. One CBT trick is to think about your worries and whether they are important and if you can do anything about them. So unimportant let them go, important and you can do something about them then action plan, important but you can’t do anything about them, schedule some worry time to think them through but hopefully not have them take over your life.

If you feel like you are spending too much time on your iPad, are you up to date with system updates? Not sure if it is the same but my iPhone recently updated so I can set time limits on apps and also see how much time I have spent on different activities. In fact I just got a warning I had overdone it on Mumsnet but I snoozed it

I'd recommend planning to do something different a couple of days a week. Even something as little as going for a walk somewhere different and getting a coffee.

I'd also try to break the routine at home on these days so leave any housework until you come back and try not to worry about it. ( I personally get really anxious about leaving the house untidy for some reason).

I find booking myself onto gym classes really helps because I achieve something early on in the day and that keeps me motivated for the rest of the day. I also timetable my day, I could spend all day cleaning, but I just schedule in an hour for the upstairs or whatever and then move on.

I’d really second the idea of being kind to yourself. A schedule starting at 4.30 then going to the gym even if that’s what you did in a previous routine wouldn’t be possible for most people so try not to compare yourself with the past

Organise specific tasks for the following day. This motivates me out of bed! I was forced to do nothing for half of the summer due to a medical issue then I spent the rest of the time doing nothing too, no reason, just lack of motivation/laziness.

Write a list of what you want to achieve, small things eg change the beds, weed the patio, long dog walk. Get outside, it helps to be moving and even weak sunlight is good.

The mornings are the best time for me. Exercise is best done immediatly. Literally coffee, then run. Can you get back to gong to the gym first. Get up when your DS gets up and leave when he leaves at 7.45 to go to the gym. Ignore the chores till you’ve got home.

I think if you can just aim to do the excersise at exactly 7.45 daily when your son leaves, the other routines will fall into place naturally with less thought.

Do the thing you most want to achieve first in your day.

If you have difficulties deciding on the day, could you roll a die? So going to gym first is an odd number, walking the dogs first is even. Then you never have to "make" a decision but you do have a plan and it's not the same very day.