To want advice on getting into a good routine and stop wasting the day?

[Crazyladee]

I wasn't sure whether to post this in mental health as I suffer with mild anxiety and mild depression or the exercise thread, so instead I have posted in AIBU for traffic. Please be gentle.

I am currently not working and I am at home all day. My DCs are older and take care of themselves so all I need to worry about during the day are my 2 dogs.

I hate the fact that I spend so much time at home generally faffing around playing with the dogs or just walking around the house tidying up etc, or on my iPad, and I feel like I am wasting the day. I go to bed the night before with lots of good intentions for the day after but I find myself waking at 8am and can easily be still wandering around in my pyjamas mid morning. By that time, it is too late to go to the gym or take the dogs for an extra long walk (I do walk them every day though) as half the day has already gone. When not working when I used to go to the gym, I tended to go mid morning, as I always liked to finish my workout and be home to shower and wash hair etc by lunchtime at the latest.

I suffer with anxiety and little obstacles tend to go around and around in my head like whether to get up early and walk the dogs first and then go to the gym or the other way around. And when to get showered and get properly dressed for the day. So whilst I am deciding, I make a brew and put the washing on, then I decide to empty the dishwasher. By then, it's getting later and later, so I just end up not bothering. And I hate myself for it. I used to get into a routine of getting up at 4.45am and going to the gym before starting work, getting ready at the gym and heading straight to work. But because of the fact there's no structure in my day anymore, I am getting lazier and have a cant be bothered attitude.

Does anyone have an advice on how to plan my day better without getting overwhelmed with distractions and procrastinations. I used to work full time and used the day much more productively when I worked full time!

I used to find that if I got up and went straight to the gym then I was much more productive as then I’d come back and eat a decent breakfast and get ready. The “feel good” of going to the gym would then motivate me to do other things.
The other option would be to take your dogs for their long walk as soon as you get up for the same reason.
Then perhaps decide that certain jobs to get done will be after lunch and give yourself a bit of a schedule for the day.
I love a lazy morning but when you do it every day it doesn’t feel good so it can be a treat on weekends.

Would it help to work out where one event works well in the day. For example the gym. I prefer quiet. I couldn't do 4.45 but can you see when in the day it is quieter. My guess would be around 8.45 because those who are going to work will be in the shower/ off to work and school run parents will still be school running. Try a few different times and then once you have the gym fixed see that as a bit like your job and fit other things around it, so breakfast, 15 min walk with dogs around the block, maybe with gym stuff on underneath something warmer, go to gym, come home have coffee and MN, go for longer walk with dogs maybe arranging to meet a friend for a walk at the same time. Come home have lunch and afternoon nap.

I was off work for a long time with anxiety and depression. When I got a little better I would make lots of plans and then not follow through and then feel rubbish.

Instead of making a big list of things to do (which with a&d may be unachievable) I made a list of three things.

One thing was my non negotiable - tidy the kitchen after everyone had breakfast. Yours could be take the dogs for their walk.

My second thing was usually related to some housework task, but some days it was 'have a shower. For this I would have abreak after my first task and set a.timer for 15 mins. If my day was going really badly I'd say ok, I'm going to do nothing until 10.30 and after that I'll do 15 mins of x. After that 15 mins if It wasn't done id sert another timer or is schedule the rest for later.

My third task involved me leaving the house which was terribly difficult for me to do. Some days all could manage was pick the kids up from school or go to an appointment. Later on I was able to.schedule grocery shops, visit library, go for a coffee with a friend.

My main piece of knowledge is to be kind yo yourself.

There's some brilliant ideas on this thread. I've been ill with a sickness bug over the weekend when I was supposed to be using the time to catch up on a backlog of work. So now I'm even more behind, still feeling exhausted and washed out. I've managed to rejig my diary so that today and tomorrow are clear but feel overwhelmed by all that I need to do. I'm going to try the 20 minute bursts...

@Crazyladee I hope you're okay- I have the same difficulty from time to time and I don't think you're alone as it's quite normal to struggle with a lack of enforced structure, anxiety and depression or not.

It's a state of mind though isn't it? You say you've put washing on and emptied the dishwasher whilst trying to decide what to do....well thats 2 things you've done without thinking about it. If I decide to have a 'lazy' day I feel fine because it was my decision to, if I didn't decide to I beat myself up about not 'achieving' things. Sometimes I just let myself potter and find i get just as much done in the long run

Yes you don’t always need a plan or a to do list as that can make you feel stressed.

I have just read a book which suggested doing things depending on your energy levels eg if you haven’t got the energy to change the sheets, do something like go through your emails and sort/delete/unsubscribe.

Some great ideas again thank you.

To answer a couple of questions, I am not off work due to sickness. I can't say what I do as it would completely out myself but I kind of work from home. The work I do doesn't take up any of my time, and it is later on in the day.

I think the problem is I am trying to be the person I was ten years ago when I had bags of energy, was a total gym bunny and worked full time. Why am I beating myself up about not being motivated to go to the gym?? I don't spent all my days in bed! I try to keep busy, I clean my house, walk my dogs and cook a meal from scratch every day but on days when I only feel like doing a short dog walk, I tell myself I am lazy!

I wrote out a timetable last night for today. But the first thing on it was 8.30am - gym. I'm in my gym clothes but on MN! 

I have found since I was diagnosed with depression that I prefer days pottering in the house rather than spending time out and about. But pottering doesn't seem productive to me. And there I go again, beating myself up for wasting the morning.

Hope all this makes sense..

I agree that a plan may make you feel stressed. I suffer very badly from anxiety. If I planned to wake up at say 7am and go straight to the gym and then come back and walk the dogs, if I ended up waking up at 7:30am I would get completely overwhelmed and say I’d already ruined the day so I would have to just do nothing and start again tomorrow.

When I was suffering very badly, what I did start doing was writing down before I went to sleep the things I was going to try and get done the next day. It was never very specific or detailed - it’d just be something like ‘do a bit of cleaning’ or ‘do a bit of exercise’. Because then you feel like you’ve actually fulfilled these even if you end up just having a quick hoover, putting the dishwasher on and going for a brisk walk with the dogs.

Be kind to yourself OP

*nomilknosugarplease
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You hit the nail on the head there. In my timetable, I wrote "get up up at 7.30am. Sort the dogs breakfast out and then be at the gym for 8.30am" However, I forgot to set my alarm last night and woke naturally at 8am. I have then sorted out the puppy, given the dogs their breakfast and now because in my head my plan is ruined, I am looking out of the window and seeing how sunny it is and telling myself to ditch the gym and just walk the dogs instead. And another voice is telling me how lazy I am as I have failed!

Sorry to anyone reading this drivel. I am my own worst enemy!

Do you really want to go the gym?

I do and I don't.

When I get into it, I really enjoy it. However I have had quite a big break from it due to being on holiday and then an operation so I've not been for months. I am struggling to get my gym mojo back.

I pay a gym membership so the other thing is I am telling myself it's a waste of money not going.

I am struggling to get my gym mojo back.

I'd advise you not to force yourself to do something you don't want to do. There are many ways to feel productive and it sounds to me like you just don't want to feel like you are wasting day after day and week after week doing nothing. So it doesn't have to be about the gym. It's not the only way to feel productive and if you continue fixating on it when you don't want to do it, you will continue feeling bad.

I'd advise you to start really small. For example, start every day by just making a bed but do it daily even if you don't end up doing anything else in that day.

Then gradually add other things. For example, it's not 10 am yet. My challenge to you is - if you are still in your PJs, get up and get changed. Doesn't matter if you end up doing the same that you normally do for the rest of the day.

And make sure that daily you are out of your PJs before 10 am. That's another step.

Then keep adding tiny small steps like that and you won't notice how your entire life changes. Remember: a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step :)

Have a look at the Happiness Planner. You complete it each night and reflect on your day, and set just one primary goal for the following day. It really helps me when I'm struggling for motivation or feeling a bit flat.

When I have a list I don't write times on it just a few bullet points to get done. This means that even if I'm totally slacking in the morning I can pick it up (in energy) in the afternoon. There is real satisfaction getting everything crossed off but start very small maybe like 3-4 points. Or if that is overwhelming start with one then the next day do two. It's personal goals Be kind to yourself 

This is a really interesting read. I’ve got a baby at home so I do a lot of “stuff” but annoyingly barely make a dent in my “long term To Do list”. Lots of inspiration here!

I used to find it helpful to make something non-negotiable. I can’t really explain how, but for example I was going to go for a run every other day (every day was far too ambitious!). So it was up to me whether I went at 10am or midnight, but knowing it had to get done spurred me to do earlier in the day. Then I felt productive! Which spurred me on to more action.

The question is how to stick to the “non-negotiable” part...