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AIBU?

Flying in less than 12 hours and I'm a state

85 replies

cricketmum84 · 28/10/2018 19:41

Anyone got any calming methods for me? I'm on beta blockers already for anxiety so doctor wouldn't give me diazepam. I've sat alone and meditated for the last 2 hours.

I am so so so stressed. Apart from gin what can I do to calm myself? X

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 28/10/2018 19:43

Yoga? Deep breathing? There are tutorials on YouTube.

Reading safety statistics? It really is very safe (but I feel your pain because I don't like it either).

Are you travelling alone, or do you have someone who can hold your hand?

treaclesoda · 28/10/2018 19:44

Rescue Remedy? Go for a run to tire yourself out?

Bombardier25966 · 28/10/2018 19:44

Rationalise your fear, what is it you are anxious about?

You're far more likely to die in a car or crossing the road than on a plane. Not sure if that helps or not!

cricketmum84 · 28/10/2018 19:44

Me, husband and 2 kids. I'm sat on the two of three with the kids so need to not let me fear show.

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 28/10/2018 19:46

Can he not sit with the kids and then you don't have the added pressure of having to look out for them?

MrsStrowman · 28/10/2018 19:46

Headspace app has some good mindfulness exercises , might be worth a go, also you sit on your own and let husband sit with the kids

ilikepeanutbutter · 28/10/2018 19:46

Take an antihistamine tablet? But try and download a talking book or meditation and have some statements. I tell myself I am more likely to die on my commute to work than the plane - statistically

Coconutspongexo · 28/10/2018 19:47

I’m a very anxious flyer I was recently dragged onto a plane by my siblings because I sobbed and tried to storm off just before boarding, my sister told the air hostess (is that the correct term still?) anyway she helped me by talking me through my worries.. this was whilst people were still boarding, then she came to see me once it was safe after take off and kept checking in with me, it made me feel a LOT better.

Would you feel comfortable telling them you’re anxious?

cricketmum84 · 28/10/2018 19:47

@Bombardier25966 I know I keep telling myself we are more at risk on the drive from Leeds to Manchester airport at 3am than the flight but my brain won't accept it.

Weirdly enough I'm ok when it's up in the air it's the take off that gets me. I need headphones, loud music and something to read Cos if I accept I'm going up in the air I will panic.

We haven't flown since 2015 and I had a huge panic attack during landing which I think is making me even more stressed.

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 28/10/2018 19:47

Ah just read about your kids so it might not help to talk to them sorry for the probable useless advice

Mondaytired · 28/10/2018 19:49

Oh god the drive to Manchester from Leeds gives me flash backs whenever we go there... late nov a few years ago... snow.. high winds.. big lorries.. Hubbie driving. Was worse where the house is between the roads... nightmare!!!
His leg genuinely had bruises from me squeezing that hard..... the flight after was a breeze!!!!
Just think of the fab time you will have when you are there. Enjoy OP

positivity123 · 28/10/2018 19:50

You are having a physical reaction to an IMAGINED danger. At this exact moment in time everything is fine so be really really present in this moment and be calm. You only need to panic if the plane starts to crash, WHICH IT WONT, so save your panic until that moment. Keep reminding yourself where you are and that you and all your family are fine. And safe. So stay calm.
Also tell the air steward you are a nervous flyer and keep staring at them. If they aren't panicking then everything is fine.

thecatsabsentcojones · 28/10/2018 19:50

Get some diazepam, I went through this exact fear back in April when we'd booked a really short flight to help me with my fear. I took a tiny amount of diazepam and it helped, I was totally fine, in fact I enjoyed it!

Also preloaded on some Inbetweeners on the iPad which made me laugh.

Don't assume it'll be as horrendous as you think, I know how you're feeling, I was not sleeping for days before my flight but it was fine. Good luck, you have my sympathy!

Honeyroar · 28/10/2018 20:00

Tell the check in staff and tell the crew nearest to where you're sitting. I'm cabin crew and if I knew you were scared on my flight I'd keep an eye out for you, make sure you were ok. Sometimes I've even sat next to nervous flyers for take off and landing and talked them through it or held their hand. I've flown for 2 decades, never had a sniff of a problem in the air. You will be fine. Focus on that holiday...

Redcherries · 28/10/2018 20:18

I fly at least 10 times a year, long haul and short. I’m claustrophobic and can’t take Valium.

Distraction, start planning now as it means you’re working on the situation. Take a look for games, films etc. Our most recent flight I downloaded loads of magazines.

Pick a few games that are mid range on needing to think, so easy enough but engaging.

Let the airline know. I hit a really bad patch a year or so back, and when we first started flying when the kids were small, I let the team know and they have always been fab.

Pack comfort items.

Plan your nest. So you and the babies, take cosy socks, quiet toys, magazines, posh chocolates, a throw, download films, own your bit of space and enjoy the snuggle time.

I find the most important thing is the mind distraction games, wine (the night before too 😳) and treating it as a snuggle.

Redcherries · 28/10/2018 20:19

How long is the flight?

shouldidoitspoilt · 28/10/2018 20:20

Phenergen

hendal · 28/10/2018 20:20

Hi OP,
I get super anxious flying too - have eventually got to a place were I’m mainly ok with it. I did a course years ago run by a psychologist who worked in the industry, he provided a lot of exercises to work through. One thing that may be useful for you is something he called the eyes technique, it stops you from panicking. If you feel panicked, close your eyes and press you fingers firmly (not too hard, don’t want to hurt yourself) onto your eyelids - to the point where you feel the pressure and see “stars”, it sounds a bit nuts but it does work. When I have to do it I find it’s a matter of moments doing that and I am no longer panicking!
I combine it with a breathing technique, you breathe in for a count of 6, hold it for a count of 6, then breathe out for a count of 6 & do this in groups of 4.
I’d recommend starting on the breathing technique now and keep it up anytime you think of the flight or anything about it that makes you feel anxious, for me it’s the bulk of what I did to reduce my anxiety.

BeardedMum · 28/10/2018 20:28

I worked as Cabin Crew in a previous life. I never experienced any problems more serious than running out of hot food.

3secondsfromchaos · 28/10/2018 20:34

I absolutely hate flying too. I have to have a large glass of wine before I get on the plane and often another on the flight. I downloaded Paul McKenna Fear of flying and that was really good. Definitely tell cabin crew. I flew with my kids for the first time a couple of years ago, had wine, then headphones on watching a downloaded episode of Outlander and managed to get through the ascent. That’s the bit I hate. The kids had lots to occupy them so didn’t have a clue. Good luck OP. I totally relate to you. Definitely tell cabin crew too x

Doodlebug5 · 28/10/2018 20:37

I work in aerospace and was one of the only people in my company to have a fear of flying. People used to laugh when I said what I did.

I went to see the final assembly line of an aircraft manufacturer last year and that and everything I'm aware of now means last month we flew across the Atlantic and back.

I would have a look at YouTube at some of the videos about aircraft building. There are hundreds of thousands of engineering hours go into each and every aircraft. For example a latch on a overhead bin is engineered to withstand much much higher forces than you would even think of.

There are bolts that hold the engine to the aircraft that are made out of 1 tonne blocks of steel.

Literally the aircraft you are about to get on is the result of thousands of people's jobs. Everything has to go through vigorous testing to be air worthy. The amount of testing that goes on if we want to introduce a new design of bolt is incredible.

Doodlebug5 · 28/10/2018 20:38

Ah posted before I finished.

Maybe this will help maybe it will not. But I know what the paralyzing fear is like. The year before last we drove to France because I didn't want to fly. Now I wouldn't think of not getting on an aircraft

Jb291 · 28/10/2018 20:38

You're going to be absolutely fine OP. Deep breathing exercises and either the Headspace or Calm App on your phone. Think about what clothes you are going to fly in. Go for something stretchy and comfortable and something that will keep you warm like a pashmina or a hoodie. Do you have a neck pillow? Wear something comfy on your feet. Are you all packed and ready to go? Passport? Have you done online check in? Try and give yourself plenty of time to get to the airport so you aren't getting anxious about being late for the flight. Think about taking plenty of entertainment i.e ipad / ebook reader / magazines / mp3 player. Have a good trip.

fieldgold · 28/10/2018 21:22

So sorry to hear you are so scared about taking this flight. I hope you will be ok. As others have said, keep an eye on the cabin crew, it usually works if they are calm and not worried.

Also have a look at the link below. Can you imagine all these flights all day every day up there in the sky and we very very rarely hear of any problems whatsoever. Airlines first priority is the safety of its passengers and crew. Captains/pilots are ultra professionals and know what they are doing.

www.flightradar24.com/45.71,-5.13/5

NewMinouMinou · 28/10/2018 21:41

How’re you doing, OP?

I’m a really terrible flier! Palms sweating if there’s a plane on TV level terrible!!

What helps me is breaking the journey up into sections - dunno how long your flight is but there’s gonna be at least one food trolley, right?

So, I clear my mind to actually board the bugger, faff around getting DS’ strap sorted out (he’s quite capable of doing it himself, but he humours me) then get mine sorted.

We always fly with the same arrangement - DS and me and DP with DD. I hold DS’ hand on take-off and think of nothing until we’ve levelled off.

Then we discuss what we’re going to eat and drink. It’s a very serious discharge that can take quite a while.

Then...it’s food time! I usually get a bottle of dodgy airline red which soothes me for the rest of the journey (we tend to fly within Europe) and I start preparing for landing.

Another good tip is to remember all the great take-offs and landings that you’ve had. There was one particular take-off to a really special destination that I went to with DS and the euphoria I felt as we left the ground outweighed any fear.
Then there was the amazing landing in Sicily last year - I was so excited to be there and it was the smoothest landing I’d ever had. I replay those two events when I’m due to fly.

Soz for the essay here, it’s just that I know what you’re going through.

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