To cancel cms

[CandyCreeper]

My ex pays £13 fortnightly for the children we have. I dont want anything to do with him at all, he is an absent father. I dont want the maintenance of him as its pennies anyway and just a reminder of him. Wibu to cancel it?

I totally get where youre coming from but it would be a little nest egg for uni or for a car or a gap year. Could it be siphoned off into an isa in their names? You could turn off paper statements etc so you would barely be aware. It is their moneu though.

I cancelled mine as he was working cash in hand and not paying a penny. I had a letter from the new maintenance system stating I'd have to pay to sign up! I wasn't going to pay to get nothing!

13 x 2 = 26 x 12= 312= 3,120 after 10 years. Even if you had 5 kids that’s 621 each which could pay towards for driving lessons / deposit etc

Don't cancel - it's your children's money.

I have 4 so its £1.75 per child per week. there definitely not losing out put it that way. it doesnt make a difference to their lives.

Just cancel it then, you’ve got your mind set on it so just do it

Damn right I accept my £15 every other week for my 2 DC that is deducted directly from his benefits. Though I don't like the text I get from cms every other Sunday at 7am(!!) telling me a payment will be made within 3 working days.

Over 18 years though that would be £1638 for each of your children. They could put it towards driving lessons or something.

I let mine build up and then it goes into the general holiday fund. Not in a ‘dad’s contribution way’ just like any other money in the bank.

And it it annoys him that I don’t get wound up anymore about his pathetic contribution.

Tbh im surprised by the comments! I thought people would agree with me about cancelling since its an insult and I just want a clean break, its a reminder. Im taking the comments on board though.

For me personally it was a clean break. I don't get letters from CMS telling me things have changed or payments will be made on x day. I can literally just shut him out of my mind

I’d keep it as better for you to have it than him. Save it up/buy lottery tickets/give to charity. Anything is better than him having it.

He’d just gloat even more at not having to pay anything at all.

If you want to cancel then cancel, but that money is yours rightfully. To do with whatever you want to benefit your kids.

And your circumstances may change so havinhba small pot there might help. His might even if it’s unlikely.

Mostly though he shouldn’t just getvto walk away and abdicate any responsibility he has. £13 a fortnight is a shit amount, but it’s a prod in his side every two weeks that he doesn’t get to just walk away.

Put it in a savings fund for them. At least when they're older they'll know he did SOMETHING, even if it was peanuts - better than nothing.

My other thought on my ex. I doubt he will ever consider getting a job while paying cms . I like this .

Can I just add I rarely ever think about him but when he changed his surname I now know. I think change your mindset about it . He has no more right, say or control than he would if he paid nothing

No I wouldn't cancel it. I get nothing from my ex and I'd be grateful for anything even if it was only 13 quid fortnight, it all adds up.

By not accepting it he won’t see it as some grand gesture on your part of letting go. He will probably be chuffed the “stupid bitch” isn’t stealing his money anymore. As pps have said you at least know he’s alive and that is important for your dcs, who may decide to look for him one day.

I would just save it and pay for driving lessons or some such.

No, it doesn't make sense that you think by accepting £13 from him gives him a hold over you.

Put the money into a savings account for the kids adult future. Not wasted on extravagances every 2-3 years .

If it was £130 a week would you turn it down? He might work. You can't see into the future.

Make a savings account for each child, put it in there, give it to them when they're 18 and don't tell them it's from him.

Very similar circumstances here. £30 a month, he hasn't had any contact for 8 years with my 11 year old.

He hasn't worked in all that time apart from a couple of months where I assume he had to do some kind of scheme.

I had same debate, when money wasn't paid and I had to ring them, seemed pointless.

But I was reminded that it wasn't him rigidity for his child (what does £30 a month really buy for a child's whole life?) and yes it pisses me off he probably thinks his contributing.

But I let money go into a different account, it sometimes builds up and gets used for holiday / days out and sometimes I use it for a bonus for my child to get soemthing he wants. He doesn't know the money is there or where from. He has no recollection of his father or mentions him at all.

But legally the ex has to pay. He should pay. He wanted a child and just because 11 years on he cba then tough.

Yes I definitely wouldn’t tell them it was from him!

yea its definitely the amount that makes me want to cancel, like i said its insulting. i dont care if he lives or dies tbh and he definitely wont be working.

Set up a direct debit to a savings account for the dc and just don't think about it. It doesn't matter what he thinks of the situation.

I agree OP. I was getting about the same, he moaned about even that amount and didn't see dc. He was abusive and I would NEVER want a penny from such a person. If you want a nest egg, put the same into an account using your own money.

At least when they're older they'll know he did SOMETHING, even if it was peanuts - better than nothing

This is exactly what I wouldn't want. The kids thinking he did something when in reality it was begrudgingly and prob taken direct from his salary because he couldn't actually be arsed. He deserves zero recognition in my opinion!