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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD not to do his washing anymore?

29 replies

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 28/10/2018 13:13

My husbands brother lives with us (whole other thread, don't even get me started on that....) and he's a lazy bastard where anything housework related is involved. Will do what he can to get out of doing it. I was in the kitchen earlier today prepping the dinner when 7yo DD came in dragging BILs laundry bag and she started to pull his dirty clothes out and put them in the washing machine. I told her to stop and she goes "But uncle X likes me to do it!" (Yeah I'm sure he does Hmm) and I said that she shouldn't be doing it as I don't like her handling adults dirty underwear etc. A second later BIL walks into the kitchen and takes over from her and loads it all into the machine.

For context I don't let her do mine and DHs washing either, I know what bodily fluids end up in our underwear Blush and I don't want her touching it, let alone BILs. She does hers and baby DS' washing quite happily and she knows how to work the machine (she had just turned 5 when she taught BIL how to use it!). I just don't think it's great for a child to be handling adults dirty pants Envy

I wasn't unreasonable was I?

OP posts:
Bunbunbunny · 28/10/2018 13:16

Your bil got your 7 year old to do his washing? No yanbu! What else does he get your child to do? Bring him food etc? She’s not his mini slave, get DH to talk to him

Tomatoesrock · 28/10/2018 13:16

YADNBU. Yuck the dirty asshole I would be livid. Angry

CuriousaboutSamphire · 28/10/2018 13:19

No, YANBU and you need to tell him to start acting like a bloody grown up - assuming he is an adult, maybe a teenager!

How long has he been living with you? Is there an end in sight?

It sounds as though you may need a chat with your DH to get BILs household position better sorted!

Original poster
AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 28/10/2018 13:21

She doesn't do much for him tbh, she likes to help people though so she doesn't complain. She sometimes helps him wash his car and she loves helping him do his paperwork for work, she staples papers together. It's just the washing I'm not happy with!

OP posts:
Original poster
AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 28/10/2018 13:25

Oh don't get me started on how long he's been here, a week was too long in my opinion. We're now on 2yrs and 4 months Angry It was only supposed to be until last Christmas at the latest but then his job went tits up and he's ended up building a brand new business from scratch.

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 28/10/2018 13:31

Does he live independently within your house? Or does he actually cost you, in time or money?

Such an open ended arrangement sounds awful! Like your DH has decided that his DB can be enveloped into your nuclear family and that's it, all done! Like magic!

I am assuming your DH knows that you do resent the cuckoo in your nest? He should, anyone would! I'm not sure I could see my DH as a grown up if he thought that permanently living with his DB was a good thing, it would be somehow too stuck in childhood for me!

Bananalanacake · 28/10/2018 13:31

Sorry. But I am dying to know. Does he pay you rent.

Singlenotsingle · 28/10/2018 13:34

Well I can sympathize OP. I hope he's paying his way? I've got ds1 aged 40 lodged under my roof. He's been here since January. No rent, but he does do a bit of work (painted the outside of the house and changed taps etc). He does his own washing and cooking though.

Jakethekid · 28/10/2018 13:35

The fact alone that she isn't doing his laundry is bad enough, even without the underwear. What a horrible man. Mix into that the fact that she's touching her uncles dirty underwear. What the fuck?

Have you said anything? He lives in your home, doesn't pull his weight and now he's having his 7 year old niece do his washing.

Truckingonandon · 28/10/2018 13:36

I'd hit the nuclear button (don't know the backstory but he wouldn't be living there in the first place) if an adult got my child to do their domestic work for them when they're perfectly capable of doing it themselves.

Jakethekid · 28/10/2018 13:37

Is* not isnt

MikeUniformMike · 28/10/2018 13:43

You have three children. DD, DS and a cuckoo.
Kick him out.

PurpleOctober · 28/10/2018 13:45

That is weird, YANBU. I wouldn't want anyone else handling my dirty underwear, let alone a child.

NotMyNameButHereForever · 28/10/2018 13:45
Shock

Why is he still in your house? Is there a drop dead end date in mind? How did he come to be there in the first place? WTAF is he thinking getting your DD to do his washing for him and why are you allowing this cocklodger to get away with this shit?? Please tell us he pays rent?

so many questions!

ICouldBeSomebodyYouKnow · 28/10/2018 14:04

I can't think of any scenario in which your 7yo DD should be doing her uncle's washing, dirty underwear or no dirty underwear! Not unless she's doing hers, and yours, and her Dad's as well because you are ALL totally disabled. Even then, it wouldn't be the right solution!! In these circumstances? Just no.
He should be ashamed of himself, letting her do it.

BrendasUmbrella · 28/10/2018 14:05

A) Tell him that his niece is not his maid. He clearly needs to be made aware of that.

B) Give him 6 weeks to get himself together and move out. Has he been paying rent? If not he should have some savings behind him now, so give him 28 days.

AnyFucker · 28/10/2018 14:07

You mentioned dirty underwear just a bit too much in your op but yes, I agree that nobody should be skivvying for this man.

CoughLaughFart · 28/10/2018 14:15

Why is a 7 year-old using a washing machine anyway? I’d expect that kind of chore from a teenager, but not a small child.

Redshoeblueshoe · 28/10/2018 14:20

Over 2 years.
Bloody hell.
He needs to go now.

redsummershoes · 28/10/2018 14:22

yabu about bodily fluids.
that what washing hands after filling the mashine is for.

but yanbu about bil.
lazy bastard can do his own laundry.

Loftyswops988 · 28/10/2018 14:28

I'm shocked too at a child so young knowing how to use a washing machine. Don't get me wrong i'm all for kids helping out and everyone having their chores but it seems a little cruel. I learned how to use the washing machine at 11 when i started secondary school but 5 seems ridiculous!

SendintheArdwolves · 28/10/2018 14:31

OK, take this as an opportunity to have a serious talk with BIL about his laziness around the house - he should be doing more than his share as a thank you to you and your DP for letting him stay.

YearOfYouRemember · 28/10/2018 14:37

Great for kids to help but don't let her fall into the trap of the woman helping the men. Or she has to do chores and all that shit because she's a female.

HeebieJeebies456 · 28/10/2018 14:40

Why can't you just give him notice to move out - and your husband if he won't support you?

Andro · 28/10/2018 14:48

Why is a 7 year-old using a washing machine anyway? I’d expect that kind of chore from a teenager, but not a small child.

I have a DD who a 5/6/7 loved using the washing machine (she didn't handle adults' clothes), she wasn't asked or expected to use it. DD had a fascination with laundry in general and the machine specifically, DS had a thing for siding things...strange children (who I love dearly).

That same DD is now of an age where I do expect her help with loading/starting/unloading the machine...she's a lot less enthusiastic (to say the least!).

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