To not dedicate my novel to my wife?

[Jezebelz]

I've recently heard my first novel is going to be published.

My wife has been very supportive and encouraging of my writing... but has shown zero interest in the story or reading the book.

One of the characters is even based on her!

I even printed it off and left it by her side of the bed but she just shoved it in a drawer and forgot about it.

I've reminded her to read it a few times and she just says 'I will' then doesn't.

AIBU to not dedicate a book to someone who won't even read it?

We are both female btw.

Hmm, if my DH had written a book, I would want to read it.

However if he had written a book, and I knew one of the characters was based on me, unless I had a castiron guarantee from him that said character was the heroine, stunningly beautiful and ultimately responsible for world peace, I think I'd want to give it a miss.

Some things I think are best unread, and your partner's view of your character is probably one of them.

Poor @lokibear!!

I never read my ex husbands books, I lived the bloody things when he was writing them! By the time the finished article arrived I was bored by the content! I’m not sure he’s read any of my books though... but mine were not his subject area, so I don’t blame him really.

Maybe she's worried she won't like it and will feel duty bound to tell you, or lie and gush that it's really good when she doesn't think it os really good?

Or maybe she isn't a reader of your genre?

Though if it's being published (assume it's not self-published) then it would have to be of a goos standard.

I agree with a PP that it would be incredibly petty not to dedicate the book to your DW just because she hasn't read it. Lots of people will read your book (hopefully!) Reading a book isn't a dedication-worthy event.
I wouldn't expect DP to read my book because he doesn't generally read that genre.
I'm also wondering if you asked your DW if you could base a character on her? Perhaps that makes her uneasy.

Support comes in many forms. Reading and commenting is one of those forms alongside being generally encouraging, giving you time and space, providing motivation and inspiration and enabling you to realise your goal.

I provide many forms of support to my DH but reading and commenting on things he has written generally isn’t one of them because I am pedantic and tend to make lots of amendments. I wouldn’t want to read about a character based on myself either.

Is she a keen reader of other books OP?

If she is the most important person in your life then it goes without saying that you dedicate the book to her (and also your sister in recognition of the support she has given you). To do anything else may cause hurt and you don’t want the publication of your first novel to do that.

My DH writes (not published or anything yet) and I am very supportive of him doing that. I never complain about the hours he is sat on his laptop typing or that I hardly see him for the month of November due to NaNoWriMO. However his stories are always of a genre I cannot stand. I do not read any of this genre by anyone else and I just can't bring myself to sit for hours and read his just because he wrote it. Add on to that if he based a character on me I would be even more reluctant to read it. I don't want to know how his perception of me differs to mine. I think you are being a bit unfair on your DW really and belittling the support she has given you. Support comes in many forms.

What CarryOnScreamingValenta said. In fact, I wrote a similar dedication myself recently: "family members x and y have patiently re-read successive drafts, husband has been supportive and encouraging". It's fine, people do it all the time.

And absolutely agree that there may well be perfectly valid reasons for her not to want to read it: she might not like recognising herself and she may be worried in case she really doesn't like the book.

Congratulations on getting published!

No need to dedicate to your wife, unless you feel that her support in other was has been so meaningful that it’s deserved? Eithe way you should dedicate it to someone who would find it meaningful and who has enabled you to get where you are.

Maybe she just doesn’t like the style of book you write, I have a good friend who writes fantasy novels, I can’t stand that type of book. She knows I love reading but understands that I would have absolutely no interest in reading that type of work and life is too short to read something you are just not interested in. It doesn’t mean I don’t value her friendship.

A dedication is not the same as an acknowledgement.

My late father was a well-published novelist. No-one in the family liked reading his books (especially my mother) ; they are too personal. There's always little phrases and sayings in there that pull you up short, and that overall feeling of "is that what he really feels?"

If you've based a character on your wife I completely understand why she wouldn't want to read your book.

@lokibear id struggle to get over that tbh. My support for his future endeavours would be gone. I don’t believe in giving unappreciated efforts to a marriage because they take it for granted and you resent it once you realise.

There was a lot of conversation involved and he did correct it before the books went to print. He assumed I wasnt interested. My quiet support wasnt showy enough for him to realise.

BIWI, of course it is relevant that both people in the relationship are female because socialised gender roles have a lot to do with the dynamics within a relationship. You might wish they didn't, but they do.

for instance: without further information, I might wonder whether a man who wouldn't read his wife's work was resentful in some way and that he might subconsciously fear weakening himself by validating her efforts. Obviously that would be silly of the man; but so many of them are silly. They're socialised to expect to be more important in the "outside world" than the woman.

that's just one rather crude example. But you can't pretend that gender roles don't affect things, or our perception of them, just because perhaps (?) you wish they didn't.

I read a lot but there are relatively few books I really, really like. If DH wrote something and wanted my opinion I would fear reading it, not liking it much, then having to convincingly lie - forever! - that I loved it.

I wouldn't no. Very odd that she doesn't care enough to read it.

^This. I think she is jealous of your new found success.

@YeahCorvid I'm not pretending that one's sex might have an effect on dynamics in a relationship - or life generally. And of course I wish it didn't! But in this case I was genuinely wondering why the OP thought it made a difference. Because for me, it really didn't make any difference to how I read the OP's post/question.