To not dedicate my novel to my wife?

[Jezebelz]

I've recently heard my first novel is going to be published.

My wife has been very supportive and encouraging of my writing... but has shown zero interest in the story or reading the book.

One of the characters is even based on her!

I even printed it off and left it by her side of the bed but she just shoved it in a drawer and forgot about it.

I've reminded her to read it a few times and she just says 'I will' then doesn't.

AIBU to not dedicate a book to someone who won't even read it?

We are both female btw.

"To my sister, Jill, whose advice throughout this novel's creation was indispensable; and my beloved wife, Jane, who has always supported and encouraged me in my journey as a writer."

That sounds good, Screaming. I’d go with something like that.

As others have said, a dedication isn't mandatory. However, you could thank your sister for all her help and your wife for her support (keep the last bit vague!) I also find it strange she hasn't read it - have you asked her why? Congrats by the way!!

May be she has read it, thought it was crap and doesn't want to have the 'well, what did you think?' discussion.

Hahaha this is probably it! 

I have a job as well (which my wife shows more interest in).

I mainly wrote the book on the train during my morning and evening commute so she wasn't obliged to pick up more household chores.

Oh I like CarryOnScreamingValenta suggestion a lot! Thank you.

I didn’t put any acknowledgments or dedications in mine - it was me who wrote the fucking thing and no one else really had any input. Plumbers don’t have to put a plaque on every loo they install saying ‘to my darling wife, who looked after the children while I was out being a plumber’, do they?

If, however, you would like to dedicate it to your sister, do so. Your wife clearly doesn’t plan to read it so she’ll never know.

Perhaps she was afraid she wouldn't like it, but you would want her opinion and she wouldn't want to hurt you?

I think you should dedicate it to her - the one who has kept you going, fed you, done your washing and given you space to follow your dream. I don't think it's a lot to ask.

If your wife has been supportive in other ways, surely it would be really hurtful not to mention her. What carryonscreamingvalenta says sounds pretty good.

Maybe DW didn't want one of your characters to be based on her.

I'd find it odd that she didn't want to read it but would consider that as separate to the dedication for her support. If she really has supported you well while writing it then she deserves the dedication whether she wants to read it or not. Doesn't stop you dedicating it to your sister as well, a 'For X and Y, who have both made this possible' type of thing.

I've done a hell of a lot at home and work to allow my other half to pursue his dream, I'd be miffed to have that disregarded just because I have little interest in his actual work product (although obviously am interested in him!).

You can dedicate it to more than one person, do you really not know that? If she’s supported you with time cooking and cleaning and not going out because you’re busy or being an emotional shoulder then you would be very remiss not to include her. I’m assuming there are no children as if my dh didn’t dedicate a book to me and I’d been looking after our dc while he wrote it it might be the last thing I ever do for him.

My husband wrote and published a novel, followed by three ypung readers books. The first novel was a story he had in his head that he needed to get out. He asked his dad to read it and became very defensive of critisims, even though tbey were small. However, he didnt feel that way when his editor made suggestions and happily took on board her creative suggestions during the editing process. The development of the book was incredibly emotional and personal for him ans I've supported him every step of the way. I picked up the slack at home with housework and the kids (whilst working ft in a high pressured job), left him alone to write for days on end, agreed to use family money to pay his editor, I hold the fort whilst he is out doing promotional events. I even financially supported the family for 8 months so that he could trial working part time to see if he could make a living at writing. But, I havent read it and I never will. If I didnt like the book, he'd want me to be honest and it would crush him. He would also argue with me about my opinion. I couldnt get away with just saying I liked it, as he would want to know what I liked about it. He would also watch me as I read it and if I read it slower than I usually read, he would question me as to why I wasnt enjoying it. The fact is, its not my genre. I probably won't like it as I didnt like reading other books of the same genre. But that doesnt mean I am not incredibly proud of him. He didnt dedicate the book to me either. He dedicated it to other people and our children, but not me. That hurt me deeply. I have sacrificed so that he can persue a dream. The fact that he didnt recognise or appreaciate that hurt. I think yabu.

I think it sounds really petulant to say that you won't dedicate the book to her because she won't read it tbh.

I can't count the number of printed-off manuscripts I've been given to read, of novels and plays, which hung around unread for weeks before being shoved in drawers. I don't know why - I read for six or seven hours a day and consume books voraciously. But I read books I've selected, the idea of having to read a book and make admiring noises even if I find I don't like it...no.

What LokiBear said!

Don't dedicate the book to her - it's not obligatory. If she asks why, just look surprised and say "You didn't seem interested in reading it, so I didn't think you'd mind."

FWIW, I had EXACTLY the same issue with my previous partner. He just would not read my book - he would say he was really keen, but then come up with excuses like he "didn't like reading off a screen" (I printed it out) or he "didn't think I really wanted him to" (We'd had several discussions where I ended up in tears saying how important it was to me and how rejected I felt). Finally, he decided to read an article I'd written and massively misinterpret one of my points. He engineered a huge argument about it (honestly, it was baffling) and from then on always said that I "couldn't take criticism of my work" and it was best for us to never discuss my writing as it always "ended up in an argument".

I did not dedicate my book to him :)

Oddly, he was in all other ways a very supportive partner, and was extremely proud of me and my work. Thinking about it, I think a couple of things were going on:

a) Laziness. He wasn't someone who read for pleasure, so the idea of getting through a whole novel seemed like a massive undertaking.
b) He was scared he would see himself in one of the characters
c) He was scared he WOULDN'T see himself in one of the characters
d) He then thought he'd have to endlessly and exhaustively talk about it, and lavish praise on me
e) He thought he'd say the wrong thing - he wasn't very confident in the area of literary criticism, and a lot of my friends were, so he was worried about looking like a thicko
f) He was also extremely successful in a totally separate area of the arts and I was very supportive of that. I think he felt as though his role as "the artistic one" was being threatened.

But mostly I think it was (a).

My DH would probably never read one of my books, mainly because they're not the type of books he likes. I'm not offended, each to their own. But it would feel weird not dedicating one to him. If I were you I'd try and put her in in some way.

I've written a book, my husband hasn't read it, just admired the cover and was generally very encouraging. He's written one, I haven't read it, just admired it etc.

I don't think reading the thing is what counts, it's if the person has been generally supportive to you in your life and enabled you to do this, even in a roundabout way.

I wouldn't get into reading and critiquing a family member's book draft for any money! Your wife was right.

OP, DH has written three books. He dedicated one to a family pet before I got a look in. Don't overthink it. Dedicate it to your sister.

Congratulations - it's no mean feat to find out that you're being published.

I think you should use Screaming's suggestion too.

I was puzzled, though, that you needed to tell us that you were female? What difference does/should that make?

And I'm also puzzled that your wife wouldn't want to read it - even if you were going to be hyper defensive about any of her comments, I'd be intrigued if my DH had written a book!

Congratulations!

As PPs say there could be plenty of valid reasons why she hasn’t read it (or hasn’t told you she’s read it) and “shown interest” in it by talking about it.

Have you REALLY written it on top of full time paid work, mainly on the commute, and at times not affecting your times with your wife? (Even more congratulations if so!) Or are you underestimating her support?

If your wife is aware that you have based a character on her, perhaps she is choosing not to read it in order to avoid any unpleasantness.

We don't always agree with the way others see us. Having once read your novel that insight into your view if her would be unforgettable.

So maybe she is supporting you...your writing...and your relationship?

Is she generally a reader OP? I’m attempting a novel but have no expectation that my family will read it, as none of them read for pleasure. I prefer it that way as I get pretty self conscious about it and don’t want them to get offended when they realize I’ve used aspects of their characters for my own!

If she’s not a regular reader then it may seem too arduous a task to her?

My family will skim a 400 word article and tell me if they liked it etc. but any longer than that and I can see eyes glaze over

Huge congratulations by the way!

You could always ask her why?