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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If given a drink, do you finish it?

89 replies

blackshoe · 28/10/2018 08:17

Just wondering about this one. It’s not really important haha!

You live 5 minutes walk from a close friends house.

If you were to pop around a friends house and they were with their partner having a glass of wine/champagne etc.... and they politely offered you a glass.
You accept.

Do you ensure to finish the glass given to you?

A friend has popped around twice in the last few weeks. Whilst dp and I were having a drink. No problem, i love having some new gossip.

I suppose we felt obliged to offer her a drink. So we offered her a glass of nice red. She drank a few sips and left half the glass.

We offered her a flute of some very nice champagne, she hardly drank it.

I personally would make myself finish the lot even if I didn’t like it. But aibu?

OP posts:

Notso · 28/10/2018 10:31

I don't feel obliged to finish a drink, especially if it's been foisted on me Mrs Doyle style (are you sure your not a foister OP)
I couldn't really get worked up about a friend not finishing a drink, unless maybe I was super skint and had given up the last of the milk or something.
It's not impacting on the environment or you really, if she drank it you would have had it, she didn't and you still don't have it.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 28/10/2018 10:32

Why doesn't she just say no thanks to the wine/champagne etc instead of leaving most of it!?

BootleBumTrinket2 · 28/10/2018 10:37

I was brought out a cup of tea with milk. I have trouble digesting milk. I had half the cup to be polite. All night the duvet was like a hot air ballon. I’m surprised we did not launch. So yes , Yabu.

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 28/10/2018 10:46

Pour her less next time? My mum does this - I give her a lovely chilled glass of her favourite white and she sips it so slowly it gets warm, so I only give her a half glass at a time now!

Likeshyt · 28/10/2018 10:48

She probs didn’t want to feel like a third wheel and accepted it just to have something in her hand - she might have felt daft asking for a cuppa! But I do think it’s a little bit uncourteous of her not to finish the drink, or at least comment on why she hasn’t. If I make someone something, and they don’t finish it I take it a little to heart, but would 9/10 ask “aw did you not like that?” But that’s me.

Jenny17 · 28/10/2018 10:53

She's an adult and can drink as much or as little as she wants. Why do you keep giver her so much when you know she doesn't drink it.

Lots of people are now trying to reduce alcohol consumption it's not a bad thing.

OliviaStabler · 28/10/2018 10:55

YANBU

She could easily have politely refused a glass if she didn't want it for whatever reason. To have a few sips and not finish is very rude considering the cost of wine and champagne.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 28/10/2018 10:56

No you shouldn’t expect someone to finish a drink just to be polite. But you can judge them for being bloody rude to accept one in the first place.

If you don’t want a drink, just say no.

bumblebee39 · 28/10/2018 10:59

I would finish it unless I only took it to be polite and didn't really want it in which case that may be what your dealing with.

Maybe she's on medication or pregnant and hasn't told anyone?

mindutopia · 28/10/2018 10:59

Wine, yes, I’d finish it. I love wine too much to leave it to go to waste. If I didn’t want any, I’d just say so and ask for some water instead.

Coffee and tea, no don’t always finish, same with water. But I feel the cost of these is marginal. A glass of wine though is quite expensive (it’s not a tea bag) and I would feel rude to ask for it but then not drink it.

I don’t know how I’d feel though if a friend did this to me (probably because I also don’t know anyone who would let a glass of wine go to waste!). But perhaps I’d probably force something cheaper on her next time if this is becoming a pattern.

bumblebee39 · 28/10/2018 11:01

Equally I've had people over for food and they have left some of their food and/or drink. I know I serve big portions and pour big glasses so am not offended. I would rather they left happy, tipsy and full, than unhappy, drunk and bloated 😂

HeronLanyon · 28/10/2018 11:02

I think yab(a bit)u. No one should feel obliged to drink the whole drink if they don’t feel like it. However I think friend was being odd to say they wanted something when they clearly didn’t. No big thing though , as you say. Friend may have felt would be rude to say no (odd but an explanation).

TwllBach · 28/10/2018 11:03

I rarely accept drinks from people because of this - and then there inevitably follows the awkward 'are you sure I can't get you a drink? OH go on...' a further six times! My MIL gets positively outraged every time I refuse a drink, especially if it's alcohol. I'm rarely thirsty and I don't really like alcohol, but it's almost less hassle to accept it than refuse it. I rarely finish a glass of alcohol unless it's a special event.

bumblebee39 · 28/10/2018 11:04

My friends often leave some of their tea or coffee. They usually are just "popping in" so don't really have time to finish it. Also some people drink slower than others, I match two drinks (alcoholic or otherwise) to some people's one, other people drink four to every one of mine 😂

Feefeetrixabelle · 28/10/2018 11:10

Maybe she didn’t like the taste? Yabvu to expect her to finish a glass of anything if she doesn’t want to.

Thatstheendofmytether · 28/10/2018 11:12

Unless it's something I know I like and will drink I wouldn't accept.

lottiegarbanzo · 28/10/2018 11:15

Did you offer a choice of drinks? e.g. tea or soft drink if she didn't want wine? If not YABU.

If yes - with sincerity and clear willingness to make a cup of tea, not a half-hearted can't really be bothered attitude - then she WBU.

Maybe just give her a teeny bit to try next time, beofre pouring her a full glass? She's probably only accepting to be polite.

Orchiddingme · 28/10/2018 11:22

I don't really drink but sometimes to be sociable I'll have a bit of wine/beer- the difference being I always say can I just have a third of a glass please, my friends know this and so give me a small amount which I can enjoy. I might also have half a beer and not drink it all (so shoot me). Lots of people don't finish drinks judging by the half glasses everywhere after parties.

Cherries101 · 28/10/2018 11:24

I’m exactly like your friend and everyone who knows me well enough to invite me over knows not to pour more than a couple fingers width of anything alcoholic for me.

Kokeshi123 · 28/10/2018 11:25

I do think wine glasses have got awfully big these days. If you compare them with the old-fashioned glasses used decades ago, they are massive and hold several times the size.

I end up filling them only about 1/3 capacity. People can always top up with more.

category12 · 28/10/2018 11:32

Oh come on, her not drinking a full glass of wine or champagne is not damaging the planet - whether she pisses it down the toilet later or you pour it down the sink, it adds up to the same thing. Ridiculous.

If you're that precious about your alcohol, don't offer it to people. I don't think you should feel you have to finish a drink - being able to take or leave it is a good thing. There's a lot of people with alcohol problems out there, and it's not a helpful attitude.

reallyanotherone · 28/10/2018 11:54

Why doesn't she just say no thanks to the wine/champagne etc instead of leaving most of it!?

Have you ever read a thread on the million and one different ways to pretend to be drinking without drinking so people don’t guess you’re pregnant? Why don’t people just say no thanks?

Drinking is such a social thing that it is actually incredibly difficult to refuse a drink without appearing rude. See all the posts here where people have “accepted to be polite”.

I’m teetotal, and the truth is if you don’t drink, people think there’s someong wrong with you. From pregnancy, to antibiotics, to a boring old uptight antisocial git who won’t have a drink to “loosen up” and have a bit of fun.

Try it. Everytime someone offers you a drink say no, i don’t drink. Watch them judge you. The perception is people who don’t drink from choice are not good company.

Racecardriver · 28/10/2018 11:59

YABU. I take it you’ve never read great expectations? That book left me unable to finish anything. I would also consider your serving sizes. The kind of glass of wine most people pour is enough tiger me a bit drunk and I don’t do drunk so I wouldn’t go near finishing this kind of glass.

Thisreallyisafarce · 28/10/2018 11:59

I assume she doesn't know how much you spend on a bottle of red wine? She may not really like champagne or red wine, and is saying yes to be polite.

Personally, I would finish a drink if I felt like it. I would decline it if I didn't.

augustusglupe · 28/10/2018 12:02

I’m teatotal so I’d ask for a cup of tea...strong with a good glug of milk.
It sounds like she hardly drinks, so she was probably being overly polite accepting and then left it.
Do you live in Cheshire? Are you Dawn Ward?

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