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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I think I’m going insane

40 replies

PineapplePrincess · 28/10/2018 00:03

DH has been ‘off’ with me all week. Not sure why, little things I do (or don’t do) seem to be annoying him. Some with slight reason, most with no or very little reason at all.

Tonight he headed to bed early. I joined him a little later, got into bed and started playing on the Ipad. I mentioned some errands that needed run tomorrow (not sure who was doing what); no response.

He asked me to turn the light off, I do, not saying anything. Continue to play iPad in the dark. He says the light is bothering him, so he’s going to pull the covers up so as not to be disturbed. I don’t reply, but think nothing of it. He pulls the covers up. Then does so again.

Then I hear him mutter something that sounds very much like ‘fucking bitch’.

It seems really odd. I don’t know where it’s come from, and actually wonder if it’s aimed at me. But obviously there’s no one else in the room.

I ask him what he said. No reply. I ask him to repeat himself another two times. He doesn’t say anything.

I get out of bed and come downstairs. Upset and confused.

About 10 minutes pass, and he comes down and asks what’s going on. I ask him why he swore at me, and he acts like I’m crazy. I ask him what he said, if I misheard. He says he did not say anything and I’m hearing things, then calls me ‘fucking crazy’ several times. He’s now stormed off to bed and I’m left downstairs.

I don’t know what to think, or how to feel. I feel like I’m going mad.

I don’t think I misheard, he definitely said something - but thn maybe I did mishear? But then all he needs to do is tell what he did say? He did say something. I can’t understand his reaction or his follow up reaction.

OP posts:
Celestia26 · 28/10/2018 00:07

I don't think you misheard him. Something is obviously going on to make him behave this way. I would leave it be until tomorrow, then maybe try talking to him again. If he keeps being an arsehole then you have a problem.

CandyCreeper · 28/10/2018 00:52

tbf if someone was going to bed i wouldnt come up and start playing on an ipad whilst there trying to sleep.

MrsTommyBanks · 28/10/2018 00:54

I agree with @CandyCreeper. I'd probably get sweaty if you can and started playing on an iPad when I'd already gone to bed.
Its inconsiderate, selfish and rude.

MrsTommyBanks · 28/10/2018 00:55

Sweary. Not sweaty.

IABURQO · 28/10/2018 00:56

You need to talk to him when you're both well rested. He might just be feeling ill. If I went to bed early and DH came in playing on his tablet I'd be pissed off, that's really not helpful for the one trying to get an early night. Last time he did it I told him to bugger off downstairs or go to sleep.

Singlenotsingle · 28/10/2018 01:00

I mess around on my phone long after DP has fallen asleep. It is on mute though. He never says a word, and certainly never swears at me. You need to find out what's on his mind.

Fatasfook · 28/10/2018 01:01

You’re irritating him with your selfishness

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 01:02

Is this a complete first out of the blue?

I am used to DC coming into bed and playing and watching stuff on their devices, I just turn over, its not making a noise sobi don't get the issue, unlike PPs.

He knows hes really upset you to have come down, buut then to keep up a stupid pretence just seems plain gas-lighting.

See what he has to say tomorrow. How long have you been together, any recent changes of significance?

CandyCreeper · 28/10/2018 01:18

good for you Singlenotsingle but some people are light sleepers!

Shriekingbanshee · 28/10/2018 01:21

I am light sleeper too, and would n't dream of speaking so vilely to them! Would just ask them to stop, no need for all this.

You said he's been like it all week.

Time to just ask him what's going on cos enuffs enuff

mumto2babyboys · 28/10/2018 01:34

Buy him an eye ask tomorrow then he can't complain about the light

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 28/10/2018 01:38

You can be annoyed with someone without calling someone a fucking bitch or fucking crazy!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 28/10/2018 01:39

What was he doing when you went up?

He’s been ‘off’ all week.
You can’t do anything right.
He’s gone upstairs on his own early.
He’s annoyed when you go up.

Sorry, but I’d be waiting for the ‘I’m not happy and it’s all your fault’ speach. Translated to, ‘there’s someone else’.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 28/10/2018 01:45

Sorry, but I’d be waiting for the ‘I’m not happy and it’s all your fault’ speach. Translated to, ‘there’s someone else’

Bit of a leap! He might be having nightmares at work, his job might be at risk, he might have bolloxed up.
He might not be worrying about "errands" on Sunday because he's shit scared about Monday ?

Either way you need to talk .

FissionChips · 28/10/2018 01:51

I’d be furious if DH was pissing around on the iPad whilst I tried to sleep, why even go to bed if you are just going to irritate someone like that? I’d probably swear at you too tbh.

notangelinajolie · 28/10/2018 01:06

I am sure he said it - you wouldn't have imagined something like that. Ask him again tomorrow when you have both had a good nights sleep. Re ipad - surely if his eyes were shut and the sound was muted he wouldn't have noticed if you were on ipad or not? Some people read inbed - ipad is just a variation of that misses the point totally

1forAll74 · 28/10/2018 01:07

It was horrible , to kind of swear at you, but it's also manic to go to bed,and be addicted to some gadget or other. I would truly hate that happening. If I was your husband, I would just chuck your gadget through the window !!

Snomade · 28/10/2018 07:21

Unfortunately I agree with annieanon, purely because this is almost exactly what happened to me, right before my ex said things weren't working out. (I later found out there was someone else in the wings).

Of course it could be a long list of other things! Just that I am sadly familiar with my experience

Snomade · 28/10/2018 07:24

My ex was 'going to bed early' in order to a) not have to face me, b) have privacy to text in secret

PineapplePrincess · 28/10/2018 07:26

When I came up to be he was also on his iPad.. It’s normal for both of us to surf in bed, then one to go asleep, and the other to continue to used the iPad.

While I can appreciate the light can annoying (volume is on mute), he just needed to say something kindly, rather than swear. There was mere minutes between me turning the light off, and seconds between him pulling the covers up and then swearing, so it’s not as if he had really tried to sleep in that time.

I’m not sure what’s going on. Haven’t spoke since and not looking forward to any conversation. I did try to broach it a couple of nights ago, mentioning he was really grumpy; but he had not real response.

He’s not working at the moment. He’s a contractor, so has periods where he works, and then can take long periods off. He’s about a month out of his last contract, which did end suddenly and not particularly as he would of liked. That has upset him, but it was his choice to end the contract and we’re spoken lots about it. He’s now on ‘rest mode’ and will probably start looking for work again in a few weeks time.

I just feel at the moment I can’t do anything right. Maybe he just has too much time in his hands at the moment; altho’ he never finds any shortage of things to do to keep himself busy.

He does go through phases like this, with no real explanation.

It’s silly things, like getting annoyed the in the morning that I left a tea spoon in the sink overnight. He actually pulled me up for it. I could have understood if I’d left the dinner dishes, but a tea spoon?

We have been together forever, almost 20 years. We have one toddler and one currently on the way. I’m probably over sensitive too with hormones flying about.

OP posts:
babbscrabbs · 28/10/2018 07:38

Is it your job to do the dishes even though he's not working?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 28/10/2018 08:10

If the swearing and unpleasantness is usual, theb this is rubbish... And close to EA!

Angrybird345 · 28/10/2018 08:11

Rest mode? He needs to get a job and grow up.

CarolDanvers · 28/10/2018 08:17

Don’t tiptoe round this. Tell him you heard what he said, he can deny/lie if he wants but you heard him. Tell him if he’s got something to say then out with it but make no mistake, you will not tolerate being name called like that. As for the tea spoon I’d tell him to put it where the sun doesn’t shine.

MicroManaged · 28/10/2018 08:22

Tbh op I instantly thought of this.

I think I’m going insane