To be upset with DH masturbating?

[sadembarrassedmummy]

MN regular, NC for this.

I'm 8 months pregnant and DH has gone completely off sex. He won't talk about it but I can tell he's not comfortable with the bump (and perhaps finds me less attractive but won't admit it?) as whenever I go for more than a cuddle he bats me away, which is bloody humiliating. Whilst he says he's still attracted to me, I can tell he's not as he's not had any interest in sex for weeks.

I've been round to the shops this morning to get some bits sorted for the baby and come home a few hours later. He'd changed his pyjamas but not showered (or done any of the washing up or any other cleaning that needed to be done!) When I went to fetch the laundry hamper I could see that he'd taken off the other pyjamas and his boxers were still inside and damp with semen so obviously he'd had a wank whilst I was away.

I can't bring myself to mention it to him as I'm sure he'd be ashamed but is this pregnancy hormones or AIBU to be upset? I'm practically shaking, with sadness and embarrassment. Not only is he unattracted to me but I was out for hours getting things sorted whilst he's home having a wank and a lazy morning. AIBU to think that's just not on?

was there any other task scheduled for him to do?

You do realise he’s her husband and not her PA?

@CoughLaughFart

The OP has already said that he does most of the work around the house as she's become more pregnant.

It's a Saturday morning. Quite probably he also works a full time job as well as doing most of the housework at the moment.

In the absence of a pressing task that needs attention, a lie in, a wank and a plan to do the washing up/tidying/chores at lunchtime or later sounds eminently reasonable to me. There's no indication that he wasn't planning to do the above at all, simply that he had not done so before the OP returned home.

The fact that the OP was out doing stuff doesn't automatically mean that her DP should have been up and doing stuff as well. When I have to take the car in for a service on a Saturday morning, I don't expect my DP to be up and cleaning the house when I come back out of some sense of solidarity. I appreciate that she works hard and should take any chance to rest that she can, so long as in general we observe a fair division of labour most of the time.

It seems like the OP and her DP have a fair division of labour most of the time, this is an isolated event. I have to wonder that if he had had sex with her that morning before she went out instead of shoving her away, would she still be so upset about the washing up not being done by the time she returned? Or is the rude and disrepectful rejection shading her perception of what her DP should have been doing with his time instead?

The rejection and the lack of communication are the problems here, not the DP being inherently lazy as a person.

I wouldn't even mention the wanking, just talk about how you feel about not having sex atm and see if you can find other ways to be close if PIV sex isn't a goer.