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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help or a hand hold?

81 replies

whatacompleteanduttermess · 27/10/2018 10:03

I have texted The Samaritans but they have said it could be hours before they can get back to me - I don’t feel able to pick up the phone and talk to anyone. Don’t know why I am posting really - to feel less alone???

OP posts:
Original poster
whatacompleteanduttermess · 29/10/2018 06:36

Thank you all - I am up. I have to go to work today which is causing huge anxiety. I am trying hard not to fall apart - husband’s car won’t start. I know it sounds trivial but the tiniest thing seems insurmountable at the moment. Sad

OP posts:
Littleredhouse · 29/10/2018 06:47

Can you call in sick and get a GP appointment today?

RayRayBidet · 29/10/2018 06:53

OP you said you didn't want to go to the gp because all they will do is give you medication. But they can sign you off work. I would go for that reason. Something has to give, you need to not go to work for a bit.

DeadZed · 29/10/2018 06:58

Hi, can I encourage you to phone CAP. They have been brilliantly helpful for us at a time when it felt like our world was ending.
Secondly, I would encourage you to take some time of work and see your GP. You're right in that medication is not the sole answer but it can really help in a difficult situation.
Thinking of you today OP.

Sicario · 29/10/2018 19:23

Hello lovely OP. Just checking in to see how you are feeling. Sounds like you had a shitty start to the day. We are all thinking of you and hoping that you are still reaching out. Also hoping you managed to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and pick up the telephone. Please, please put your oxygen mask on and know that there are people out there who really care about you. Sending hugs.

Original poster
whatacompleteanduttermess · 29/10/2018 20:38

Thank you so much for checking in with me - I can’t tell you how it feels to know that there are people out there rooting for me. Well I got through a day at work - it was difficult at times but I did it. My GP would definitely sign me off - but I had a couple of weeks off with depression last year. My line manager was so unkind to me as a result that it nearly drove me to a suicide attempt. I have spoken to CAP and someone will come around and go through everything with us - fingers crossed. Thank you again - it is really making a difference - welling up here but in a good way!

OP posts:
Bumbledop · 29/10/2018 20:39

Hi op. I hear you! I suffer with severe anxiety and have done on and off for about 20 years. It’s crippling. Medication has been a lifesaver for me, probably literally. It’s hard to believe that it can work when you feel so bad, but please don’t dismiss it as a possibility. I think you should consider going back to your gp Flowers

Armadillostoes · 29/10/2018 20:56

Hi OP-lots of good advice on here already but I just wanted to add my support too. You matter hugely and are being really brave. Keep going!

MaMaMaMySharona · 29/10/2018 21:04

Hi OP, I hope your evening is going ok. My mum suffers from quite severe anxiety but is very sensitive to medication her GP has given her - instead she gets homeopathic medicine and finds it helps her so much more. It doesn’t block out her emotions but more makes them easier to deal with so she can find solutions for issues.

You’re not alone, you never are Flowers

jacquejacque · 29/10/2018 21:04

OP that's great news that you've bitten the bullet and made the phone call. Well done you, I know how gut wrenching phone calls can be at the best of times, not least when you're feeling down and it's a difficult call to make. That is such a big step you've taken and I hope you feel a glimmer of positivity from taking it.

Your work sound pretty rubbish and very unsupportive - is it possible to be looking for a new job? Would that maybe help or be too much right now?

kittypop · 29/10/2018 21:14

The thing with staying off work is that it just compounds how you feel - you feel more anxious about everything. I can only suggest again that you try the medication - if it doesn't work you've nothing to lose. Also, try and go for a brisk walk every day if you can - it gets rid of some of the adrenaline and calms you down a bit.

Original poster
whatacompleteanduttermess · 30/10/2018 05:41

I have been up since the early hours but lay in bed doing some relaxation exercises from an app I downloaded yesterday - feel a little calmer. I would be happy to take medication that helped but nothing I have tried so far made much difference. Diazepam does help with the anxiety but my GP will, understandably I suppose, only prescribe very small amounts for a short time. What have others found helpful? I do need to exercise more and eat healthily - I was doing really well in that respect but this blip has led me to eating lots of junk.

OP posts:
Bodear · 30/10/2018 05:48

Morning OP, I find meditation exercises really helpful for finding a bit of peace in my head. It makes a small difference, but enough that I can then tackle the day.
What have you got on today?

Original poster
whatacompleteanduttermess · 30/10/2018 05:54

I have a full day at work today - which does add to my anxiety. I feel at the moment as if I am just going through the motions and each day is just another day to get through. I spend an enormous amount of my time not at work worrying about work - I work part time but worry full time Smile.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 30/10/2018 06:03

I am glad you are seeing someone from cap.
You also need to talk to your mortgage brokers.
You need to talk to uni with your GPs support they might allow you to pick your course back up when you are feeling up to it.
Cap might also help you to claim financial support.
Rooting for you. Flowers

Bodear · 30/10/2018 06:13

It sounds a bit counter-intuitive but I find recognising which situations I have actually very little power in, quite liberating. I know that there are certain things we have to take control of and it’s sounds like you’re doing that but a lot of my worry was about things I couldn’t influence. Maybe that’s true for you and your work? If you can let go of those it frees up a lot of head space. Good luck today and remember that sometimes just getting through the day is enough and should count as a job well done in itself.

Tara336 · 30/10/2018 06:16

You will be ok, I can assure you of that. I was in a very dark place 8 years ago, I got to the point where I didn’t speak to anyone and hid in my room 24 hours a day. Worrying can be solved by dealing with one tiny thing at a time, that’s how I fixed my problems, if I solved one thing I’d made progress that day. Now I am very happy, I fixed it all bit by bit and my life is very different.

PrivateDoor · 30/10/2018 06:24

Thinking of you op. Have you tried looking for new jobs? I know it is very hard when you are feeling so low.

gendercritter · 30/10/2018 06:50

I'm sorry you're struggling.

You say you have no friends and feel bad about that. I think a lot of people are in that boat and while most people sit and think it's their fault and feel ashamed, actually it's a societal problem. We live very isolated lives these days really. Very few people have a strong community around them. I bet you're lovely so it won't be you but clearly at the moment you seem too dragged down to think of making new ones. Hopefully CAP will help you get back on track and then I'd urge you to have another go getting out there. Knitting/craft groups tend to be friendly and taking up a new hobby would slowly boost your self-esteem. But there will be other ways of having contact with others. Even a good online friendship group could help you so much. You definitely 100% aren't alone. TV gives the impression everyone has lots of friends but they really don't.

Your Masters - I know a couple of people in real life who couldn't complete them. One had sunk tens of thousands into doing hers as she was a foreign student. She was extremely clever. It didn't matter - her mental health failed her just when it mattered. It happens. You wouldn't beat yourself up about a badly broken leg. I admire you for being brave enough to have had a go and while losing that money is shit, I think you should give yourself more credit. Lots of people aren't brave enough to make the leap to try to change their lives in the first place. Instead of spiralling into a place of 'I'm failing at life' could you tell yourself every day 'I'm trying my best under difficult circumstances. Everything is going to get better.' Your thoughts are in many ways your reality and just a little self-love and care will pay off. Affirmations seem a bit alternative but they can be great.

Do you get outside at all? A lot of people find just getting out each day for a walk boosts their mood. You might have to brutal with yourself at present but just going and sitting outside your front door with a cuppa helps. My life has improved a lot for just that. I love seeing the seasons change and I get a lot of thinking time just sitting. I'm calmer for it.

One day at a time and break everything down into smaller chunks. You seem to be worrying about everything at once and drowning.

Shitstormiscoming · 30/10/2018 06:51

It sounds a bit counter-intuitive but I find recognising which situations I have actually very little power in, quite liberating

This is very good advice. Even just writing a list but wording the questions differently in terms of what your personally can control, eg:

Work
Can you control the job you do? No
Can you control your manager? No, but if he or she treats you unkindly, you should raise a grievance through the company’s procedure. Do not let their behaviour control you.
Can you control how you feel about the job? Yes, through meditation or mindfulness techniques.
Can you control how you feel about your manager? Yes, through open discussion with him or her, eg, when you do / say this, I feel like... or

Money
Can you control your debt? Yes, through a charity or support group, I could get more control over my debt.
Can you control your spending habits? Yes, using a budget tool, and sticking to an agreed budget with DH, I could control my spending
Can you control your mortgage? No, not until [date] when it’s due to be reviewed.

Relationships
Can you control how much DH knows about your anxiety? Yes, through discussions, written words, you can control this.
Can you control his reaction to your anxiety? No. You can’t. How he reacts is up to him. Starting a sentence with, when you do X, it makes me feel Y, means he can can’t argue with your feelings. But, him saying he loves you, and you not listening, is in your control. Perhaps needs some more digging here as to why you’re not listening to him tell you this.

Can you see how you break things down, and some things are completely out of your control, where as others, requires assistance and you needing to do something.

But by doing this, it starts an “action plan”. I gives you some purpose to do something that you can control, rather than focusing on the things you can’t control.

I really hope this post helps, please ignore me if it doesn’t.

Thinking of you today whatacompleteanduttermess Flowers

Original poster
whatacompleteanduttermess · 30/10/2018 20:10

I have survived another day! I am exhausted and so I am heading off to bed. I just wanted to pop on and say thank you yet again for all your wonderful support and advice. So much to think about and some great techniques and strategies to try - so helpful at a time when I can’t see the wood for the trees! I will write a longer post tomorrow but just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you all.

OP posts:
Armadillostoes · 30/10/2018 20:24

Well done you! I hope that you are able to get some rest.

Shitstormiscoming · 30/10/2018 20:30

Glad the advice is helping.

Have a good nights sleep

Bodear · 30/10/2018 20:45

Well done OP! Celebrate the small victories Flowers

Fridayfun · 30/10/2018 21:08

Well done. I hope you get a good sleep. You deserve it.