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Original poster

To think dh is rude?

29 replies

Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 22:14

Tonight my dh has really pissed me off. We were watching tv and he disappeared off somewhere. When he didn't come back I got really confused and was looking around the house for him before I realised he had taken the dog for a walk. When he came back I said to him that it would have been nice for him to let me know as I wouldn't just go to the shop for 45 minutes without letting him know I was going!

As a single insident I know I sound ridiculous but he does things like this all the time. I'll speak to him and he can't be bothered to answer me, I'll text him and he can't be bothered to reply when I know he is on his phone constantly.

I find it so rude and infuriating because he would never treat a friend or his mum and dad like that but when it's me it's fine!

Every time I try to bring it up he makes out I'm unreasonable and crazy. Tonight he told me it wouldn't be weird at all if I just left him in the house with dd and didn't tell him I was going out. I'm tempted tomorrow to do just that! Although I actually don't think be would notice or care!

OP posts:
Havaina · 26/10/2018 22:20

Start dishing out his behaviour to him.

You've told him it upsets you but he doesn't care so time to give as good (or as bad) as you get.

Feefeetrixabelle · 26/10/2018 22:21

Do it back. Get up first thing have a shower and go out for the day.

Forgotmycoat · 26/10/2018 22:24

You need to realise that he doesn't notice you exist anymore. I can't believe he doesn't bother to respond to messages or ignores you when you speak to him. He really doesn't care about you at all op. Why are you with him?

Forgotmycoat · 26/10/2018 22:27

What if you left dd with him in the house without telling him and he also went out thinking you were at home? How old is dd?

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2018 22:38

Please don't "get him back" by doing the same thing to him. It's immature and possibly very dangerous for your child.

1CantPickAName · 26/10/2018 22:41

My ExDH used to do this all the time!
It’s just rude, I don’t understand it?

1CantPickAName · 26/10/2018 22:44

Just remembered a time when I was upstairs, he left to go to the shop, didn’t tell me. I came downstairs to find toddler DD all alone and no DH! One of many, many stories I could tell.

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 22:46

I’d wait until he was expecting his tea and take your dc out for tea and leave him to it without telling him. I think I’d start dishing out his own behaviour back. If he texts with a question, ignore him, simply go out without telling him when he’s expecting something from you. Sometimes people treat their dh/dw as extensions of themselves and don’t offer the same courtesy to them as they would family and friends. Occasionally it will take a shock to make them realise what an arsehole they’ve been

Original poster
Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 22:50

Hahaha Feefeetrixabelle I would love to do that but I know it's not okay and I'm pretty sure he knows too!!

Forgotmycat I'm with him because he is a good man a good father and a good husband but he can just be a dick sometimes and I wanted to vent!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 22:54

1CantPickAName I'm glad it's not just me!!

Thebluedog yes I think you've hit the nail on the head with people treating their dh/dw's as extentions of themselves.

I know it's just something I need to talk to him about but I feel so angry when he tries to make out it's normal when he knows full well he has been rude!!

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/10/2018 22:56

Sounds bloody rude, how's your relationship otherwise?

Thebluedog · 26/10/2018 22:57

It’s really not normal and really very rude. Manners cost nothing and a simple ‘I’m just off to the paper shop love’ shout upstairs would take no effort at all.

Have you tried talking to him when he’s not just done it, that way you’re not already pissed off with him

Original poster
Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 22:58

Also to be clear dd was in bed and he would never have just upped and left if he had been looking after her in the house. He won't even pop upstairs if he isn't sure I'm with her.

It's more how he was so inconsiderate and didn't even think to tell me! I would never have just got up, left the house and gone for a walk without telling him first. Just as a courtesy!

OP posts:
madmum5811 · 26/10/2018 23:00

My OH has always been like this, I look out of the window and find the car gone. Yes it is rude and does annoy me. If I say something he does for a bit tell me he is going out but then forgets again.

Original poster
Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 23:01

Our relationship is good otherwise, I actually feel bad complaining because he is a very good husband.

Thanks thebluedog yes just a quick "I'm taking the dog" would have been fine and to be fair he usually tells me so I don't know why he's acting like this is normal!

I think you're right it probably wasn't wise to mention it as soon as he got through the door, it obviously made him defensive.

OP posts:
wheresthehope · 26/10/2018 23:09

I am struggling to see how you think that is being a good husband?!

SaucyJack · 26/10/2018 23:16

Weird! Had drink been took?

LearningToDrive · 26/10/2018 23:18

Can you explain to him, not that it's rude as he can just disagree, but how it makes you feel - you were worried/anxious when you didn't know where he was, you are hurt and sad when he ignores your messages. If he's a good husband and good man, he shouldn't want to make you feel like this, and he should re-evaluate his behaviour. Or if he is just completely thoughtless and unchangeable, he should at least be sorry about it and make it up to you, not make you feel bad for having perfectly valid feelings.

Original poster
Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 23:20

wheresthehope I didn't say that those things in particular were being a good husband.

I could write a massive list of all the amazing things he does. Doesn't mean leaving the house without telling me can't annoy the fudge out of me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Thenightskymonkey · 26/10/2018 23:23

Yes learningtodrive you're right I just need to have a chat with him. I know that he will say sorry and will try not to do it again, but he literally walked through the door and I was on him straight away because i was so annoyed.

No alcohol involved, just inconsiderate!!

OP posts:
BrendasUmbrella · 26/10/2018 23:32

Please don't "get him back" by doing the same thing to him. It's immature and possibly very dangerous for your child.

I agree it could be immature - as he is being - but why would it be dangerous?

NobodysChild · 26/10/2018 23:35

You're not important enough to be informed of his plans. He's ignorant. Play him at his own game. If he's not bothered by you suddenly disappearing and/or ignoring his messages, then that tells you exactly where you stand.

mellicauli · 26/10/2018 23:55

He needs to tell you when he is going out because apart from it being common courtesy, when you are at home you are jointly responsible for your child's safety. If you are going to be left in sole charge, you need to aware of that fact. Or does he assume you in sole charge 24/7? I agree with the person who said you are invisible to him.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 26/10/2018 23:59

but why would it be dangerous?

Because if they both just start going out as and when they please without telling each other their DD could end up being left home alone!

cushioncuddle · 27/10/2018 05:50

Write the list of why he's an amazing husband and look at it carefully.
The list needs to contain points about how he is with you. The understanding how you feel, listening to you. Generous with his feelings towards you.
If the list contains lots of good things but they are all about what he does for his D and family and pets. But non of the above about you then this list is not balanced.

Not telling you he's popping out, not replying to texts etc when he does it to other people is him treating you quite poorly. Telling you your stupid or wrong for feeling upset about it when he knows it's wrong - as he doesn't do it to others. Is deliberately treating you badly.