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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help re DS's dog phobia

34 replies

cadburyegg · 26/10/2018 21:56

My 3yo DS has a dog phobia as one too many dogs have jumped up at him in the past. It is now quite difficult to manage because every time we go out for a walk - we live in a village in the country so lots of dogs around - he is terrified when he sees a dog, to the extent he wants to go the other way and gets very upset even if the dog is in the distance.

I try not to "feed" the phobia and say encouraging things about dogs but yesterday we went to the park and there was a dog there, and now he doesn't want to go back to the park.

AIBU to ask how we can handle this?

OP posts:
Elphame · 26/10/2018 21:59

We cured my DS's terror of dogs by visiting a friend with a lovely calm friendly older dog who was well used to children and wouldn't jump up.

By the end of the afternoon they were the best of friends and he gradually got over his fear.

OscarWildesGreenCarnation · 26/10/2018 22:00

Try a local pet therapy organisation, they usually take dogs to hospitals etc, so that patients can enjoy bonding. They may be able to help, as the dogs are very placid. Good luck, and well done for not feeding the fear.

BarbarianMum · 26/10/2018 22:04

I'd suggest you give it time rather than pushing it. Both mine were terrified of dogs when tiny (for similar reasons as yours) but they grew out of it, bit by bit, and have been fine for many years now.

LittleOwl153 · 26/10/2018 22:06

Yeah I know that story. DD now 9 just about ok with 'known' dogs. Hopefully it is something he will grow out of - though it takes time.
DD seems to have gone through a bit of a series of events recently. A local guide dog puppy trainer moved in close to us so she sees him and his dog on the school run, some friends have a big soppy boxer which she has taken a liking to and will now walk on a lead, and then they had Dogs Trust in at school followed by a similar session at brownies. It all seemed to fit together. She isnt fabulous with it - but is a lot better than she was. However this might be a bit of a long haul for you as dd was scared about 3/4yrs and is just coming out of it at 9yrs!!

Failingat40 · 26/10/2018 22:07

How did you respond to the dogs jumping up? Your reaction is what can be compounding his fear, affecting him more.

Things I'd try, reading him Spot stories, dog toys, tactile books... feels like fur etc?

Do you know anyone with a small tolerant dog to let him come visit then he can watch you stroke the dog and talk nicely and calmly to it, gradually he may want to join in but don't force him to touch it. He needs to see you're ok with it.

Watch funny/cute dog clips on you tube? There's some great ones with babies/kids which are really funny.

You're doing the right thing in addressing this now.

BMW6 · 26/10/2018 22:11

I am a dog owner and can appreciate how difficult your situation is. Hard to avoid the topic and the fear when they are everywhere around you.

I think you would be wise to get professional advice from a child Psychologist? I imagine advice from amateurs may do more harm than good.

KingBee · 26/10/2018 22:16

We cured dd's dog phobia by accidentally coming across a family with a very old dog and a very patient teenager! That set the scene - dd had met a nice dog! After that it was just building things gradually and eventually we got our own dog and that cured her fear completely!

snowpo · 26/10/2018 22:46

Do you know anyone with an older calm dog as other posters have said? Our dog is not interested in approaching people or children but quite happy to stand quietly for them to pet him if they want to. He has given confidence to lots of children, he converted our neighbour's daughter to the point where they now have their own very lively dog. Other children who their Mum's have said were very scared of dogs will now approach him on the school run.
I wouldn't make it a 'thing' of pushing your DS to meet the dog though, maybe put him in the position where the dog is around but just asleep in a basket or just mooching about while you do something else with him.

ileclerc · 26/10/2018 22:49

Lots of my friends with kids scared of dogs have come to visit my dog, he's super placid although a bit jumpy as he gets excited but there isn't a kid that has left that hasn't got over their fear. Is there anyone you know with a suitable subject?

MumW · 26/10/2018 22:58

Go and speak to your gp and hopefully, you'll eventually be seen by CAMHS.

You need to get professional help because your DS will get more independent and difficult to physically hold on to. In his panic he could run into the road, for example.

parkermoppy · 26/10/2018 23:02

if you know anyone who has an old, calm dog then perhaps try to spend some time with it. maybe watch some films with dogs and try to talk about how dogs wag their tails when they are excited and happy. i used to be so frightened of dogs but it just seemed to disappear naturally, and i know a few kids who get so upset about them and it's made me wonder if its because of the size. I'd imagine if dogs were about our height as adults they might be quite scary!

jemimafuddleduck · 26/10/2018 23:04

@MumW are you actually serious?! CAMHS? Get a grip.

CallMeRachel · 26/10/2018 23:31

😂

PersonaNonGarter · 26/10/2018 23:37

Get a puppy. Let him choose and name it.

Problem solved

WiddlinDiddlin · 27/10/2018 01:42

Dear LORD do not get the child a puppy please, what a stupid suggestion.

Lots of options already suggested, I would talk about dogs and how they can be nice, they can do jobs for people, they can help save peoples lives etc etc...

Also discussion about the amazing things dogs can do too, how well tehy can smell things, how far they can run etc.

Later on when hes a bit older, some dog training classes will let you sit in, and perhaps sitting in on the first ten minutes of puppy class once a week might be suitable (in my class we had a kid sat in a corner, behind a barrier so she could see the dogs, and she left before any of the off lead work happened).

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 27/10/2018 07:33

Depending on where you are, try to find a cynophobia class. I know there are classes in Kent and Essex but there may be others

Deadbudgie · 27/10/2018 07:50

The only real way to get over this is exposure to dogs. We had this with my son for the same reasons. Try speaking to people walking their dogs if they are placid ask if you can stroke them. Don’t force DS to do this though. We did this and we got to the point where my DS was quite ok when we got our very mouthy puppy and now loves all dogs whatever their size! Well done to you for tackling this problem, so many people don’t and just moan about dogs everywhere.

TeddybearBaby · 27/10/2018 08:13

My niece was like that. She’d scream and run. She’d cry. You could tell she meant it, she was so frightened. They got a dog haha. Socialised her with dogs. She is a complete animal lover now at 13. She even has a horse. She’s talking about working with animals as a job. You can turn this around. Good luck x

fluffycatinahat · 27/10/2018 08:42

One scary experience doesnt mean a phobia yet but it might turn into one if start avoiding park etc However If you were pushed over by a big adult in a park you would be scared to go back. 3y old quite small in relation to most dogs.

Needs to regain confidence gradually and safely and you need to be confident in what you're saying or doing otherwise they'll pick up on it.

A trusted friend with a soppy or very well trained dog might work. Trouble is small ones can be quite yappy. Perhaps go to a very quiet park or big outdoor place (not the same park) on a lead at first. Make it a nice day out so dog not the focus. At their house dc might feel a bit trapped. My dd older than yours had a dog pestering her in the park and got over it when had sleepover at one of her friends with a massive cozy dog and my friend teaching her how best to be around dogs.

Therapy dog another possible idea if you can find one as the owner may have helped kids like this before though the downside is you don't know the owner.

fluffycatinahat · 27/10/2018 08:43

*dozy not cosy

fluffycatinahat · 27/10/2018 08:47

Sorry I misread the OP I thought you said one dog, now I see you said "one too many"

Might take a bit more careful work if it has developed into a proper phobia might need some professional help

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 27/10/2018 09:11

Dogs Trust has some helpful info online www.learnwithdogstrust.org.uk/building-confidence/

SLL · 27/10/2018 09:49

I was terrified of dogs when I was little as I saw my sister being bitten by a dog apparently. I don't remember seeing it though. Then when I was 7, a puppy was thrown out at my dad's work. We ended up with it. I was TERRIFIED of the tiny thing, I would climb up on the dining room table and cry. Then slowly, slowly I got used to her and now I love dogs, and have had many over the years although we haven't had any since my DD was tiny and she doesn't remember crawling all over them sadly.

When DD was a toddler she became terrified of dogs my sister had a huge dog, very gentle but slobbery with a massive bark and she took a dislike to him. Then recently, a friend started an anti-phobia class (he is a dog trainer), and after some one-on-one interaction with his own dog, she eventually went with him to his dog training class and bit by bit got more involved. She can now, (fairly happily) have 7-8 dogs running around her. She is not hugely happy if they jump at her but has learnt to just turn her back and ignore. It has done her wonders! She now wants her own puppy... which sadly can't happen since we currently live abroad.

So, I would advise seeing if there are any anti-phobia classes in your area, it will make life so much less stressful for your boy and you! My DD is 10 and although still wouldn't approach a dog she didn't know (which I am quite happy with, as it's sensible anyway) she won't try to run if she spots one up the road. Good luck!

boomerang1 · 27/10/2018 11:59

This has been helpful to me too so thank you for posting this op.
It's not just my daughter who is afraid but me too. I come across dogs in work everyday as I'm a social worker and 9 out of 10 families I work with have dogs.
I have to ask them to be put away but I'd like to get to a point where I can feel comfortable to enter the house without worrying if the dog is there.
I have unfortunately passed my phobia on to my child so need to tackle this now.
It will benefit my children and my work.
Op I hope you get the help you need. I have contacted my local dogs Trust just now xx

MumW · 27/10/2018 21:47

@MumW are you actually serious?! CAMHS? Get a grip.
@jemimafuddleduck.
Yes, if it's a real phobia, then it needs investigating. If the child has a serious problem then attempts at desensitisation could go badly wrong and make the situation even worse.

I also personally know someone whose child had a serious phobia of dogs, did have a tendency to run across roads in a panic and did indeed get help from CAHMS.

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