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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for help re DS's dog phobia

34 replies

cadburyegg · 26/10/2018 21:56

My 3yo DS has a dog phobia as one too many dogs have jumped up at him in the past. It is now quite difficult to manage because every time we go out for a walk - we live in a village in the country so lots of dogs around - he is terrified when he sees a dog, to the extent he wants to go the other way and gets very upset even if the dog is in the distance.

I try not to "feed" the phobia and say encouraging things about dogs but yesterday we went to the park and there was a dog there, and now he doesn't want to go back to the park.

AIBU to ask how we can handle this?

OP posts:

manicinsomniac · 27/10/2018 22:02

are you actually serious?! CAMHS? Get a grip

Depends on how serious the fear is. I agree that 3 might be a little early for that kind of intervention but he could be on the waiting list for a veery long time and better too early than too late - I have a 27 year old friend who has just finished 10 months of CBT based therapy for her fear of dogs. It was affecting her life to the point that she couldn't go for a walk in case she encountered an off lead dog, couldn't sit in a pub that had a dog in without panicking and couldn't go to any houses which had dogs. Her parents had tried all the suggestions when she was a child but nothing worked until this therapy. And it's still not a miracle cure but she has strategies and is able to do the things above that she couldn't before so her quality of life has improved. A real fear of dogs isn't a small, unimportant thing.

Starlight345 · 27/10/2018 22:12

My ds did have cbt through Camhs however he was 9.

At this age I would be really looking to any positive experiences . Dogs you know . I am quite indifferent about dogs however I now have to make a fuss . Look at the positives.

Cuddly dogs , watch films like lassie. Real positive dog stories.

If you see a well behaved dog ask if you can say hello . Don’t push your Ds into it.

jemimafuddleduck · 27/10/2018 22:27

Well I will stand corrected then, having never met anyone with a fear of dogs to the degree you describe.

I just work very closely with CAMHS and, having seen how absolutely strapped they are, even struggling to help the most serious cases, I simply can't imagine that they would have the resources to deal with phobias, particularly in the circumstances described by the OP.

Aprilislonggone · 27/10/2018 22:30

We got a puppy.....

donkeysandzebras · 27/10/2018 22:50

DS used to be terrified of dogs having been bitten once & chased another time. He is now 6 and is OK with known dogs and, if we are out and he sees dogs running around but not near us or walking calmly off leas near us, he is fine about it.
What changed? He grew so he is now taller than most dogs provided they are on all fours & don't jump up. A neighbour has a spaniel who was always docile but is now docile & elderly & the neighbour knew about DS's fear and took the time to gradually introduce him to the dog. DS went on a play date and, unknown to me, they'd got a puppy two weeks before. I'm not sure DS even realised that the puppy would grow into a dog but he certainly wasn't scared of it & continues to play with it. Friends we have made recently have a very calm Labrador and DS has gradually realised it does little other than sleep and certainly has no interest in him.
It has been a gradual process and not one we have really engineered but DS is so much better.

SynchroSwimmer · 27/10/2018 23:12

I’ve helped four children with this problem.

Loads of good advice above about old, calm dogs and a process of slow familiarisation with information and amusing stories.

I had great success giving each child a single long stick pulled off a lavender bush......as the dog bounds up to the child, ask the child to put the lavender flower end near the dog’s nose - and the dog immediately backs away.

It also turns into a nice happy game for the children who soon gained comfort and confidence.

SynchroSwimmer · 27/10/2018 23:15

I ought to add that two of the children are now working with dogs, and the other two younger children now foster dogs for weekends and holidays!

Sparklesocks · 27/10/2018 23:22

Oh bless him, I do think it’s something which will probably get better as he gets older and gets to know more dogs which belong to friends/family etc. Maybe you could reassure him that most dogs are friendly and man’s best friend etc, or show him films like homeward bound or Marley and me.

My sister had a bad dog phobia when we were kids, exacerbated by the fact we had a house down the street which always had 2 big dogs in the front garden almost all day, when you walked by they’d sprint to the gate and bark madly at you. She ended up crossing the road to avoid them!

However as she got older and interacted with more dogs it got easier, she’s know a huge dog lover!

Octonautstotherescue · 28/10/2018 06:56

But imagine if you had - as most people do a phobia of spiders and other people kept spiders, large spiders, walked them in the park and let them off the lead so they bounded up to you...how would you feel?

Not everyone likes dogs and there is a fair amount of bad ownership out there. Don't let your dog off the lead if you can't control it and especially don't let it bound up to small children. The dog will seem huge in comparison to their size and very scary. It's no wonder lots of people are terrified of dogs. And don't get me started on the mess they make on the paths - try getting dog poo out a buggies wheels!!

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