To ask how you juggle long working hours with a secondary age only?

[peachjuice]

I've applied for a job which would see me out of the house 7am - 7pm. DS is 11 - a bit old for a childminder but a bit young to be left for that long.

Any ideas how I can work this?

PS he's an only child so no older sibling to keep an eye on him!

Do you know any older teenagers who could watch him at home? It’d be easy money for them since he won’t need much - it’s more for back up.

Oh that’s for the evening. Not sure about the morning. What time does he leave for school?

Is there a neighbour who is normally around who could be an emergency contact person? Someone your ds knows he can go to or call if he should have a problem. Let them have a spare key incase ds looses his etc. They might even be willing to pop in and check on him occasionally. If you have that in place then I would leave him as long as he is happy and sensible. Get him to text you when he leaves for school, call him to check he gets home OK and text him when you leave work etc.

I do have a neighbour who is around from 3. It almost feels... cruel? But I don't know if I'm being silly!

Can he work in the school library? How far is school from home?

11 is too young to be alone so much imo. Could you find a student or young person to hang out at home, supervise homework and cook some tea? It might be more acceptable to your son than a childminder. Before school I would probably let him get ready and lock up if he is a responsible child.

I’ve found the local website NextDoor very useful for recruiting help at home or in the garden.

I don't see the issue. Finsh school, he could work for an hour or so in the library to get his homework done then go home?

Mornings, no different than if you were there surely? Get up, breakfast and off to school

I have older teens and I wouldn’t do those hours - because they’d be a lot of forgetting stuff, faffing in the evenings & not doing homework, plus I’d be too tired to cook dinner etc. if I wasn’t back til 7. Dh isn’t back until 7ish and I’m back by 5 (we all leave early so mornigs aren’t an issue).

Is it something you can put off until he is closer to 13 ish or is it a more necessary change?

I wouldn't do 5 days of those hours - I think 2 or 3 days a week with a 7pm finish isn't too big a deal - could you align it with days he does after school stuff / sports training etc- but leaving him at 7am every day would be too much imo.

Just to add a spanner in the works..... What about school holidays? Being alone 12hrs like that wouldn't be ok and is quite different to a few hours after school.

I think those hours are too long. Even if your children were grown up, being out of the house 12 hours a day would be exhausting. I know plenty of people do it, but I don't think you'd have much quality of life.

I think any more than a an hour or two after school is too long really at 11.

Not sure about the evenings but at that age I was left to get myself out to school after parents went to work. I'm also an only. I often used to go back to bed until 8 ish.

However, I did meet friends who I walked to school with from their houses with parents. Thus may have influenced my parents decisions. Any chance he could do that - just so you know he's actually left the house!

What time does he normally get home? That would influence the decision eg mine usually get home just before 5pm so it would be only a couple of hours. If however he is home by 3.30 then it's quite a long time. If it were one of mine they would probably end up bringing a friend back most days.

I'm out of the house for those hours, although I have a DH who is around one end of the day or the other as he works shifts. I also have 2 children (14 and 12) so they can keep each other company. The 14 year old is fine on his own, the 12 year old not so much, although that's personality rather than anything else - the 14 year old has been happy left to his own devices certainly since he was 11.

They are on half-term today but I'm at work. DH was home with them until 12 and I'll be back at 7 tonight to sort dinner out. On school days it is easier since by the time they have done after school clubs and/or been to the library and/or met up with friends, there's only a couple of hours until I get home. I'm in the fortunate position of having family within walking distance too so that makes things easier.

Ultimately, only you know whether your DS can manage a long day at home on his own. Mine is pretty self-sufficient and sensible and only really wants to play on his xbox, but other children may not be.

It's necessity unfortunately, I'd love to stay where I am now but being made redundant and I work in a very niche area. This is the closest job I've found and it's an hour away (currently lucky to be 5 mins from home).

I do think it's too long but feels like rock and hard place!

I'm an only and my mum worked very similar hours when I was that age. Two days a week i spent time at a friend who was close by as our mums were friendly, and the other two days I just went home myself, in the winter i went home straight away from school so I was home before dark, then made a snack, little bit of homework and then watched some TV. My mum batch cooked at weekends so dinner was made pretty quickly after she got back. My neighbour next door was a woman in her 60s who always gave me a wave and a hello when i came in and i guess she was keeping an eye on me, I knew she was there in case of an emergency!

I also think it's too long for both of you. Don't underestimate the time you should be spending with a teenager for their mental health and development. It's not all about how well they can manage to get themselves ready and be safe at home. It's sounds like a head situation though OP. I don't think there is an easy answer.

I found I had to insist on an afterschool club or care, I have more than 1 dc, but big age gaps between them, so now school, previously I had a collection after work from a crèche before collecting 11 year old, over years with different kid I tried a few child-minder/ less formal child-minder other SAHM mum in class who was thrilled with money and my DS liked 'cos it was more going to his mates house, last year we used, an afterschool club for my DS who's 11, in a facility up the road from his school, yes he thought he was to old from 10 on, there were only 3 his age, but I had to know he's get a proper snack, actually they did a proper meal, meaning we could do other stuff when we got home, homework was supervised and more importantly he could play out doors as much as possible, he had company and friends, and crucially those work days when he had day off school were all covered, if at home alone hed be stuck in in front of screen on his own. The downside was more expensive than say the casual mum, they shut at 6.30 which was fine for me but you might find it hard to find somewhere open till 7. I could give you a whole list of pros and cons for each scenario.

My friend's sixth form age son looked after a couple of younger secondary age kids when he was in upper sixth. This really just meant he was there to cook some food for them and generally be there.

I looked after our neighbour's 11 year old when I had young kids. She just came to my house and did her homework and I let her loose with our art supplies. I was happy with the money and she was happy not to be home alone or at after school club which she thought was too young for her.

I think you need to give some thought to how many days he will be in after school activities.

And what will you do about food, will he not eat until 7:45 or so?

Is there any chance of shorter hours, fewer days or working from home once you are in the job?

I wonder whether some kind of nanny housekeeper might be a good idea for 2-3 days a week. Would help with meal preparation and housework as well as helping him with homework. Then on the other days perhaps it wouldn't be so bad for him... argh, who knows.

There are childminders who take young secondary kids - don't rule it out. When my daughter was very little her childminder had a couple of young teens who came along after school and more or less did their own thing, but had the childminder around as back up when needed. They all seemed to get on ok.