AIBU to not go?

[BrightLightsAndSound]

My DP's family always have something going on. 18th birthday party of some distant cousin, communion, christening, seems like every other weekend theres something happening that my DP is forced to attend.

Problem is he always expects me to go with him.

The thing is his family are quite draining. None of them know how to make conversation so discussions just revolve around local gossip. I've been with him 2 years, and I've literally only been asked 2 questions in those 2 years, both of which were asked on the first day I met them:

• how old are you?
• when did you two meet?

Since then, nothing. I try and join in the local gossip by asking questions, i ask them questions about their lives based on past conversations, and then i offer up info on what im up to (since nobody seems to really care enough to ask!). Its weird because I get up to quite a lot which they know about, so either they're not asking because they're just not interested or they just never learnt to make conversation. They're not mean people, but its just tiring when there's no give and take and you're just there to fulfil some kind of convention.

Basically im expected to go to these things just because its the done thing, just to be present.

So now I've got a text from his sister inviting me to her son's birthday lunch on sunday.

Part of me thinks - you know what, its my sunday, I cant be fucked with this.

The other part of me thinks i should suck it up.

Thoughts?

It's fine to disappoint people, sometimes. They won't die of disappointment. Women, in particular, are socialised to put themselves and their needs last, all the time, and it's quite liberating to say No to something you don't want to do and find that the sky doesn't fall in.
Of course, every relationship should involve some compromising and it's nice sometimes to put yourself out for the sake of making someone else happy, but a) it doesn't have to be all the time, at the expense of your own free time/preferences and b) the other person should be equally willing to sometimes put themselves out for your benefit.

What struck me was how strange that a 19yo would have a family lunch for his birthday!

^Not strange at all is it? You do realise not all 19 years old want to get drunk and hang out with their mates?

Bright, in all honesty it sounds like your not living your version of yourself, nothing you describe of your current circumstances and relationship sounds authentically you.

It's like you have sleep walked in to some alien universe, but now your beginning to wake up, and not recognise who you are or your surroundings.
It all sounds incompatible to what you need or want, you seem to have made lot of compromises and got not a lot back.

I told him I just didnt want to and in mu text to her I just said I couldn't make it, thinking i shouldnt feel obliged to give excuses...

To be honest I think your internal alarm bells are ringing loudly. Can you visualise how this will pan out longer term? Just don't get pregnant in the meantime...