To think dds friends shouldn't help her get dressed?

[nottoosure23]

More of a would you be annoyed than aibu

Dd is 5 and in year 1, she has right sided Hemiplegia cerebral palsy which means her right sided is weaker than her left side, in reception class p.e days the children came into school wearing their p.e kits so getting changed wasn't an issue, now dd is in year 1 they get changed in class, all was well until a few weeks in dd came home with a shirt on miles too big for her and the buttons done up wrong so I asked who helped her get dressed after p.e and she said her friend did, I left it as that but then dd was coming home every Tuesday and Friday saying her friend helped her get dressed, I spoke to dd's friends parents who I know personally and they said their dd has been helping my dd get dressed after p.e, now I'm all for children being independent and getting themselves dressed and helping others but my dd has a physical disability and I feel a bit bad for my dds friend having to help her get dressed every time after p.e and that a teacher or TA should help her to at least do her buttons as everything else she can just about manage herself, since it's been half term I've now tackled the problem by sewing Velcro onto shirts so hopefully dd can get dressed by herself. Sorry to drip feed and I'm probably overthinking everything but I can't help but feel bad for dd and dds friend.

I too have RH (mild). Does your daughter have difficulty dressing herself at home?

@ButchyRestingFace

Yes she does, although I do push her to be independent and dress herself most things she can do apart from buttons and socks everything else just takes a bit of time and patience but she gets there in the end

Could it be that your daughter is more comfortable with her friend than the teacher? Is she maybe asking her friend for help? I am always available to help any students to get dressed/undressed but often (especially girls) seem to like helping each other.

I may be way off track but wondered of this could be the case?

@categed

It could well be, I never really thought of that before, dds friend has now left so it might be possible another friend will help, she has mentioned a TA has helped once or twice to get her dressed. I'm probably over thinking it way too much but I just worry about her so much when I know I really shouldn't

I recall changing being a bit of a difficulty at school, particularly after swimming. I could do it, I just seemed to be much slower than everyone else. And this was as a teenager!

I would be speaking to the school about it. 5 is still very little and dressing at that age can be challenging even for non CP kids. Has your daughter been statemented?

@ButchyRestingFace

Thanks butchy! She does take a long time to get dressed I guess I just panic about her coping when I know she is fine! She's not statemented, we've been through a really long road just trying to get her a splint which should be completed soon, and physio and OT appointments (taken a year since referral) I'm going to speak to schools sen and ask them about it!

I used to help a disabled boy in our class with various things at their age, I never saw it as a chore and don’t think kids think that way. I’m guessing the friend is happy to help, it certainly isn’t unfair on the friend :)

She is a lucky girl to have you at her back. Speak to the school to make sure the teacher is aware and also for reassurance (we all need it as parents) that everything is ok. All teachers should understand how hard it is to place all your trust for aomeone else to look after you baby.

@DaisyDreaming

It's honestly such a nice thing to do and every time I think about it I do well up a little, it's so nice for dd to have friends that care and want to help her which was one of my biggest worry's of her starting school! Although dds friend has now left so I hope dd isn't afraid to ask for help if needed

@categed

Thank you so much! Sometimes kind words from strangers can make your day like you have mine!

We've had a bit of a pickle with her new class since she started, nothing was handed over from her previous teachers so I was the one who suggested a little meeting to let her knew teachers know of her needs and what she can and can't do,, she ended up in a&e last week due to falling over in the playground and smashing her face on the floor which obviously isn't the schools fault at all but then I start to panic that nobody is there to support her, she's so confident at school though and I know she enjoys it

This may well be little girls just being nice little girls and it being far less bother and obvious to do it together than to get a TA and be the kid who the teacher had to dress?
Good friends help us do what we need them to help with, at any age. Maybe your little girl helps her friend in maths or with her spellings or at play time.

Kids are great at just seeing things simply - you can't do X so I'll help and I know you'll help me do Y. That's the kind of friends we all need

Thanks @SleepingStandingUp, I think I just worry and over think things, I didn't want her to be the girl who had to rely on her friends to get her dressed but now you've said it like that, I think I'd prefer her friends to help rather than a teacher! I'm being such a wet flannel tonight but I wish I could wrap her up in cotton wool!

Bless you, most of us would feel the same if we were you. Your child's friend was really sweet to help her. Try to stop worrying, your daughter will improve in time and she must be a nice girl to have friends willing to help her.

OP did you know M&S do a range of easy dressing clothes which might make things easier for you / DD and her independence?
I brought some for DD as she had a quick change in a dance show but they are brilliant have Velcro from the collar to halfway down the shirt and then have 3 buttons at the bottom. She wears them for school on PE days and they wash really well. You don't need to undo the buttons, just the Velcro then slip it off/on over the head.

@PrincessHairyMclary

Yes I saw! That's what inspired me to give it a go myself to try and save some money, will let you know how they hold out next week when she goes back to school, if no use I'll be buying them straight away!

@Rebecca36

Thank you Rebecca!

nottoosure23 meh, we're allowed to be over protective

Children help each other all the time. They are naturally very kind and helpful. We even have to sometimes ask them not to so that those who need more practice dressing themselves get the opportunity to do it for themselves.

Usually children are grateful when their friend helps and the friend feels good for having been of use. It's actually a positive bonding experience for both of them. But do speak to the teacher if you would prefer the adult to help or your dd to do it herself.

@Fairenuff

Thank you, now I've spoken to you guys about it I do feel more at ease if her friends help her, and actually come to think of it it is such a nice thing to do and I'm glad dd has friends that are willing to help her when she struggles, I think it was more of a shock at first when dd told me

OP my DD doesn't have a disability but she's always found some fine motor tasks a bit tricky. She's ten now and it's only recently that one of her mates stopped helping her with her shoes!

I tried to teach her sooner than now but it's only just that she's got the hang of it. I never considered it a problem rather that her friend wanted to help. When DD was in reception, the same friend used to do up her zip on her coat!

At this age they like to mother other each other (heck DD is 17 & still occasionally mothers over her peers, and I have a male officemate who is the most resolute mother-hen character every). As long as your DD doesn't mind, I don't see a problem.

I agree with others who have said this is likely that her friends are just being kind. My ds now 6 had to get changed after PE from reception which was tricky for many of them with buttons . Usually the teacher helped them. Once the teacher was delayed coming back to help. DS did his own buttons and then helped the other nine children. They all thought this was a good idea. They are now all struggling with ties including DS who has a massive tantrum when he can’t do it!

My dd doesn’t change her top for pe. She has no disability but wears a white polo on pe days, never a blouse. She used to when she was younger but can’t be bothered these days. For the past 3/4 years she’s been doing this, the teachers have never questioned her although she does have a non buttoned white t-shirt in her pe kit.

Would the teachers allow this?

Aww bless her friend. She's a keeper.

Totally agree with you that an adult should intervene and it's not the other child's responsibility.

As an aside M and S do a range of clothing that may help. Also the school should make reasonable adjustments by law so maybe a white polo t shirt on PE days?

My ds has quad CP (mild) but is worse on LS and he's had friends cut things for him before and support him in cooking lessons because teachers tell him he needs to try. I think they forget a child is a disability wants to do stuff but is very aware of their own limitations.

Hi I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. I too have a dd with R sided hemiplegia.
She has just started school and I worry about so many things I didn’t with my others. We are in Scotland so slightly different school system.

My dd has her splints but like you it was a fight to get them. This in itself brings more worries. After PE days when school were changing her foot splint, it wasn’t going on right so caused a blister on the inside of her foot. I now send her in in her leggings and trainers on PE days and they stay on all day. Obviously easier if school don’t have strict uniform rules.

She too can’t do buttons, socks or zips. She absolutely loves school and wants to be so independent, she doesn’t like ‘help’ but needs it sometimes.

Anyway just came on to say I feel exactly the same.