To think dds friends shouldn't help her get dressed?

[nottoosure23]

More of a would you be annoyed than aibu

Dd is 5 and in year 1, she has right sided Hemiplegia cerebral palsy which means her right sided is weaker than her left side, in reception class p.e days the children came into school wearing their p.e kits so getting changed wasn't an issue, now dd is in year 1 they get changed in class, all was well until a few weeks in dd came home with a shirt on miles too big for her and the buttons done up wrong so I asked who helped her get dressed after p.e and she said her friend did, I left it as that but then dd was coming home every Tuesday and Friday saying her friend helped her get dressed, I spoke to dd's friends parents who I know personally and they said their dd has been helping my dd get dressed after p.e, now I'm all for children being independent and getting themselves dressed and helping others but my dd has a physical disability and I feel a bit bad for my dds friend having to help her get dressed every time after p.e and that a teacher or TA should help her to at least do her buttons as everything else she can just about manage herself, since it's been half term I've now tackled the problem by sewing Velcro onto shirts so hopefully dd can get dressed by herself. Sorry to drip feed and I'm probably overthinking everything but I can't help but feel bad for dd and dds friend.

DD has no disabilities and told me about this friend or that friend helping her with her zip or buttons after PE. I see kids helping each other with shoelaces. I always help when I'm asked or needed ,but I won't intervene if two kids are having a good go at helping eachother.

My DDs are the type who helped and they enjoyed it (DD2's nickname was MiniMum). It is a two way thing. Children do like to help.

My DF has a DD with RH too, my DD and others have always helped her out willingly and happily. Unfortunately when they moved up to junior school this meant the infants told them that she coped fine and didn't require any adjustments for her RH. Its something my DF is still unpicking with them as its caused a number of issues. Hopefully your school is like this, but its worth making them aware that the DC are helping your DD out and whilst they're ok with it you are but it doesn't mean she doesn't need help.

*isn't like this

Ime it is normal for teacher to ask the 'competent' dressers to help those who are struggling. But really op you need to be encouraging self sufficiency by sending her in clothes she can manage herself

It is very common in primary amongst all the children. Helping with buttons and laces and ties. No stigma or smugness attached, just being a friendly, working together sort of spirit. It’s also usually very efficient if you are one teacher and 30 children.

Is DD your first?
Just watch out as she goes through school for any nonsense about " who can get dressed faster, the boys or the girls " and so on.
My middle dd who struggled with such tasks hated pe with a passion solely because of the changing.

Have you joined Hemihelp, @nottoosure23? The charity itself has merged with another one but the Facebook group is still running. It's mostly aimed at parents who have hemi kids. You'll get lots of advice and support there.

Thank you everyone for your replies, @AJPTaylor I think this is exactly what I'm worried about, everything is a competition and I'd hate for her to feel down about not being able to do something like her friends. Yes dd is my first child, I have a ds who is 2 who I find I'm more relaxed with, he's such a Brutus whereas my dd I worry a lot about.

@ButchyRestingFace yes I have, it's such a great group it's helped me a lot since having her! So many support groups out there and it's also so nice to know there are other children out there with the same disability, when we was first told of dds disability I felt so isolated and that I was on my own but after some research it really helped me understand things and to know I wasn't alone.

@melmo26 oh hey! It's great to talk to someone else who is in my position, how is your dd getting on? I found reception class amazing with my dd they helped her so much and always accommodated to her needs.

@tiredgirly I've spent this whole half term (literally) sewing Velcro onto her shirts so she doesn't have to worry about buttons, and I am really grateful that her friends help her when she needs it, I just felt a bit bad on them having to help her but most of these comments have made me realise actually children aren't always in competition with each other (yet) and they do like to help each other

I know the feeling: my dd spent part of her school years in a wheelchair and knowing that she was dependent on other people was hard. But she made good friends and she has come out of it as an adult with very good social skills. Yes, I feel sad that she was forced to develop those skills- but she is glad that she's got them. It also taught her that help among friends is not a one-sided thing: somebody else may have helped her with her wheelchair, but she helped them by listening when they were upset or whatever.

That's so lovely @corythatwas! It is so hard knowing that my 5 year old relies on her friends as I feel bad on both of them but if they are more than willing to help her then I'm absolutely fine with it, your dd sounds so lovely! Actually my dd did say when she started year 1 that she became friends with a new girl because she had nobody to play with which does make me burst with pride a little

My dd has a genetic muscle condition that presents similarly to CP. Her friends have always helped her dress, put her shoes on etc. In early years she didn't usually change her polo shirt for PE as she struggles more with tops. She's older now so only really needs help if she gets tangled up.

I would make sure it's written in her plan that friends are helping just in case they suddenly think she's able to do it herself. My dd also leaves to change for PE a few minutes early and stops PE early because she hates always being last to get changed.

Ds used a button hook for a while, then lent it to the rest of his class!

nottoosure23 if I’m being honest when I read your post it was so good to see someone with the same issues. I know that sounds terrible but I don’t know anyone in a similar situation.
Dd is loving school at the moment. Our biggest worry is tiredness. She has asked on numerous occasions if she can stay home :) She hasn’t showed signs of tiredness so far at school so leaves it all for at home 🤔

From what I can guess your DD would be our equivalent p2, so she has already done her first year. How do you find she coped in her first year? Does she manage any after school clubs? My DD is very quiet at school but seems to be picking things up quick enough. She is in a composite class with her sister who mothers her all the time, plus her sisters friend. I know my DD does get upset by this and wants to do everything for herself but for some things it’s impossible for her.

We’ve just had our October break and go back on Monday, this term is a really busy one at school so here’s hoping it’s not too tiring as she has only just recouped her energy after 2 weeks holiday😁

I understand. My 5 year old has learning and physical disabilities and his friend quite often helps him with things like dressing and taking him to the toilet. I worry that he isn't getting enough help from staff but it's been a massive battle to get the small amount of funding he gets at the moment.

@melmo26 no I completely know what you mean I felt so isolated when we first received her diagnosis when she was 1 and a half! So good to hear your dd is getting on well and sounds like she's very independent! My dd was the same she was very shy in the first year and quite anxious especially if someone came bounding towards her she would just freeze and stand still as if she was waiting to be knocked over! Not too sure if all reception classes are the same but it was mainly playing in dds school, if she got tired she knew she could go and sit down quietly and her teachers in reception were more aware of her needs. Dds class went on lots of school trips which I got to go to as well as most of the trips required lots of walking so I went to assist with dd and took a pushchair! Year 1 she is a completely different child, she tries to do everything she can and she's not so anxious about her peers running near her anymore. I can't help but try to wrap her in cotton wool though so seeing these things are really eye opening as to what she can actually do!

Dd goes back on Monday too, she's usually a bit of a grouch when she goes back and tries to adjust to school again but she's fine within a few days! I hope your dd has a wonderful first day back!

@melmo26 sorry I forgot to mention about the tiredness at home, dd usually saves all of this for home too, she can be in a foul mood sometimes when she comes home and her behaviour can be quite difficult we are still trying to figure that one out!

I work as a 121 with a little girl with disabilities. She's in year 4 now but the other children still want to help her all the time. They see it as a bit of a privilege and are super proud of themselves if they are ever asked to do anything to help. Sometimes I'm almost fighting them off telling them they don't need to do stuff for her! I think as long as your DD is happy and comfortable with the way things are that is the most important thing, if she ever feels overwhelmed by it or uncomfortable, that's when you need to step in and ask for it to change.

What changed things for my ds with regards pain etc was starting a drug called baclofen that reduces spasticity. He still has quite a bit present but the pain is greatly reduced making coping with the day easier.

I’m actually welling up thinking of your little girl and her little friend. Children can be so kind to each other. It’s lovely.

I have two girls and I know they’d be more than happy to help a friend in this situation so please don’t worry about the friend.

I think it's really common for people with a disability to feel that in some way they are causing extra work (e.g. needing help with dressing etc.). I appreciate that I am not in the position so it is easy for me to say, but I really don't feel that people should think this. We have a guy in a wheelchairs and he often says to not count him in for a team meal (or whatever) as it's harder to get a wheelchair in etc. But it's really not plus we want him there as he's our friend! I don't think you or your DD should feel bad, it's all good :)

I taught a little boy for 2 years with cerebral palsy and a few other issues. He always preferred friends to help and I think it encouraged him to try harder than an adult just quickly doing up buttons etc. Also, when you’ve 30 year 1 chn getting changed, I can guarantee there’s a lot more that still need help and the teacher can only be in one place at one time.