DD (15) going to bed at 7am and getting up at 3pm?

[humanlat]

It's half-term and she has this sleeping schedule. It's driving me mad. Apparently she's "binge watching" all the latest stuff with her friends (they are on FaceTime, while watching? Wtf).

AIBU to put a stop to this?

I think this is a natural predisposition for some people, but she needs to fit in with the rest of the world, as PP's have said.
When I was at college, in final year, it suited me to work or read through the night, go into halls for breakfast, all my lectures were in the morning, lunch, sleep through the afternoon when the halls were quiet, then re-emerge late afternoon/early evening for meal and socialising. I'm definitely an "owl" if left to my own devices.
But I had an awful shock to my system when I had to be "up and at 'em" for a conventional working day, and had to make myself conform to a more conventional timetable. The differences being, there were no social media to complicate the issue, and I was that bit older and able to see through consequences. Your DD may need more of a guiding hand; better to work this through while you still have some say in the matter, than when she leaves home.
Throughout my working life, I was never a "lark" but learned to cope with it, everything prepared the night before, etc.
If she can manage this sleep pattern without ill effect, so be it. If it causes her hassle, she'll need to learn how to work round it. If there are consequences, you can still enforce the "no media upstairs, look what happened last time" sanction.

I personally wouldn't allow this because my 15 year old's term times are pretty intense and I want her to benefit from a rest, some exercise and some fun with her friends during her holidays, ready to start back to school refreshed and ready for action. She's also needs her sleep and I think she would feel pretty ill on the schedule you describe op, if it wasn't just a one-off.

No problem with her sleeping in a bit in the morning, going to bed an hour or so later, but the pattern you are describing is a bit extreme. I'd be turning off the wi-fi at night if they demonstrate that they can't manage a reasonable balance themselves.

Also maybe you could provide an incentive for her to get up like a couple of outings to somewhere of interest maybe with some of her friends?

No way would I allow this. Yes, in hols it can be 1am bedtimes, up at 11-12 but that’s not the same as being up all night. As others said, these sleep patterns are not good for mental health at all.,

In half term, my 15 year old goes to bed when he likes and wakes when he likes. However, if he was constantly choosing to go to bed at 7.00am I would have a problem with that.

He goes to sleep when he likes but he is always up before midday and then sees his friends or plays some football. I am pretty bloody lax in half term but going to bed at 7.00am would be too far for me.

He is good at getting back into a decent routine for school and doesn't struggle getting up. 7.00am is just ridiculous though.

@herewegoalloveragain did the doctor recommend that you do the massage? For a teenage boy? Or was it just the bio oil he recommended?

Just say no and turn off the WiFi, surely?

If it were the summer break I’d probably let it go as a one off, but not at half term, especially with mocks coming up. It’s not a healthy routine to be getting into. I’d want a compromise of a few hours earlier to bed and a few hours earlier up, then it’s not so much of a stretch to get back to school routine.

As a rule I certainly wouldn't dictate a 15yos bedtime as by then they should be more than able to self regulate however I would be encouraging they start going to bed at a normal time over the weekend. 7am is pretty extreme so I reckon they'll have a huge struggle. I would not be happy personally but sometimes they have to learn the hard way.

I am surprised there are people on here that tell 14/15yos when to go to bed TBH.

Not a chance my 15 yo would be doing this! Mocks are two weeks after half term here and they would still be exhausted getting back into normal sleep patterns. We had to see a sleep therapist a couple of years ago because DD (ASD) was struggling with sleep. We were told it is really important to get up at the same time every day and not have lie-ins. TBH it does drift a bit in the holidays but only by an hour or two, not going completely nocturnal!

DD plugs her phone in downstairs at 8/9pm and goes off up to her room. I don't police what time she's actually in bed with her lights off, but she knows herself the importance of a good bedtime routine and a decent amount of sleep. I wake her up in the mornings. She's much happier when she has a decent sleep routine.

Yes, in a few years she will be an adult but for now it's still my job to guide her into making good choices for her health and wellbeing. I don't see that as being overly controlling. I think that's just being a parent. I don't follow the logic of parenting as though they are a few years older than they are. They aren't adults yet.

I'd suggest phasing back her sleeping pattern so that going back to school is not a huge shock, but otherwise, if she wasn't disturbing anyone at night time or missing planned family events, I'd be ok with it.

In holidays my DS goes to bed at 10/11pm and gets up at 11am/12pm. So if OP's DD is getting up at 3pm, she's not so very far off being around for the same hours as a more "normal" teenage sleeping pattern.

I don't see the issue tbh. I do this to myself when I get the time off work/away from my children - I end up almost nocturnal. It hasn't stopped me functioning as an adult and things still get done (household chores, hobbies, decentish diet, any prep needed for work etc). One day of tiredness on the first day back to the normal routine and it's fine.

I am surprised there are people on here that tell 14/15yos when to go to bed TBH.

I don't tell her when to go to bed. We have conversations about stuff including what a sensible sleep routine would be and decided together. I might remind her of the time come 8/9pm but I don't demand that she go to bed then, she just understand that she needs to for her own well being.

No you do exactly what I would do, you are teaching her sensibly IMO and guiding her, not controlling and demanding. There are a few posters who say 15y bed at 930, lights off 10pm etc. I just feel this is a set up for disaster when people suddenly let their DCs do as they please without actually giving them opportunity to learn properly.

Any form of parenting is considered to be helicopter parenting by some people.

I agree Partnerproblem
15 year olds still need boundaries and guidance. There are several MN posters who assume that once someone turns 18 they suddenly become responsible adults who don't need any input at all from their parents.

herewego - surely that should be normal practice though, teaching boundaries, unspoken agreements etc. My 12yo hasn't been told to go to bed for over a year, he takes himself upstairs by about 9pm and I can't recall a time he hasn't been asleep before 1030/11 unless he has staying up with us for a specific reason. This is because we have taught him the importance of sleep and he understands as he plays a lot of sport etc.

At the age of 15 I hope he understands this well enough that if the odd night he decides he wants to stay up later watching films with friends etc he is able to make that decision, deal with the consequences and then adjust where need be.

I don't understand that people have such strict bedtime rules for 15/16 yos, that is treating them like primary school kids, not preparing them for becoming adults in a few short years. They need to learn how to self regulate, all people need different amounts of sleep, DS2 age 10 needs 10 hours a night, I need about 7 hrs, DH needs about 5 or 6 and DS1 needs about 8/9.

Personally I don't think 7am is a normal bedtime for anyone but once in a while it doesn't hurt, we were regularly up till 3am-ish if we had friends over, sometimes with my parents if they had a party at home. We'd sleep in a bit the next day and maybe go to bed early if we were a bit tired. At 15 I think you should be able to figure it out!

Zany mobster. I understand what ur saying. But it doesn’t always work that way. I have always had to tell my son when to go to fed and when to get up. He will keep himself awake for hours. I will say to him... come on it’s time to lie down ( this is him at 14 ) he will look at the clock and demand he gets his two mins that are left in the clock. If I left it up to him he wouldn’t be in bed till four in the morning.
He has always been like this.

I didn’t realise that he was up late or 1am. Reading. A book!!!! My son hates books. Never read them unless I made him. But he wasn’t allowed on his phone etc after a certain point. And at 1am he was still awake enough to choose to get a book as he was bored.
If someone can tell me how to help
Him
Self regulate then please do.

I wouldn't allow this tbh, it would disturb me for a start and I don't think I'd want a minor having unrestricted access to the internet all night.
I became quite nocturnal around that age for a while (reading in bed) and I was exhausted in school.
Just switch off the WiFi when you go to bed.

@IHaveBrilloHair A very similar upbringing to my own, any noise after 10pm was frowned upon because "it disturbed them"

Horrible isn't it?
I was allowed to go clubbing as an older teen, but then had to creep in and go straight to bed.
No bringing a kebab home and watching telly for an hour
No way would I do that to Dd.

My son used to do this ocassionally, it was because he didn't get tired enough to fall asleep during holidays. He soon adjusted once term time started. It didn't affect his mental health at all, and he has no trouble getting up for work or lectures now.
I think you do have to watch out during longer holidays though, especially the summer holidays, because it can become of an engrained pattern that can be harder to break.

I thought that being quiet when other family members are asleep is just basic manners, not some form of oppressionIhavebrillohair

@Bowchicawowow totally agree with you. If DH or I are out late without the other then we come in quietly and sleep in the spare room. Common courtesy not to wake others.

Don'tgiveamonkeys - sounds like you are giving him all the tools to learn, you are teaching him and that is all you can do. You are not treating like an 8 yo, you are reminding him etc, don't think there is a magic way. I guess all I am saying is that if at 16 or 17 you are demanding they go to bed at a certain time then magically at 18 they will not suddenly become able to self regulate.

My eldest has never needed much sleep, even as a baby. When he was 6 or 7 we used to worry as he was awake till 9pm at least, we kept trying to put him to bed around 7/730ish and would stop tv way before but it actually made him worst and he would lay awake much longer. Once we started letting him go to bed about 9pm he would be asleep pretty much straight away (within half hour) with no problems. He is rarely tired the next day, he even goes to the odd gig gig on a school night and has got home between 2-3am and still been ok. I even would struggle with that

DS2 is only 10 so we have to remind him still which is fine, he is also autistic so I am not sure which way this means he will go with the self regulation thing. Currently he is very routine focused, he usually takes himself off to bed at 830 but does rely on us to remind him to switch the light off. Occasionally we have forgotten and he is still reading or something at 10ish. Sometimes we can say to him to switch off at a specific time, if we make a fuss about it and say we are trusting him to do it himself then he will do this but to be honest I still like going up, giving him a kiss and turning his light out etc so I am happy to do this for a while longer.