My driving instructor blamed me

[emily0108]

So i had a driving lesson yesterday, only my 3rd one, and it ended in such a disaster. I'm learning in an automatic as I had a few lessons in a manual and just could not grasp the clutch and gears and felt like I wasn't progressing.

I was coming up to a T junction, and a few minutes before approaching my instructor tells me to take my foot off the gas pedal and let the car slow down a bit on its own before even touching the break pedal. So at this point both my feet are flat on the ground. He then tells me to put my foot on the break, but I lost my foot bearings and accidentally put my foot on the gas pedal (and quite hard oops) so instead of slowing down we sped up and was almost at the end of the junction. There was no cars in front luckily, but we kept moving forward as if we was going to pull out. He shouted at me quite nastily "BREAK BREAK BREAK", and slammed his foot really hard down on his break. Obviously the car stopped but the break pedals came loose and neither would work at all. This was due to him making an emergency stop . He then shouted at me nastily "it's your fault, you have broke the car and I have a test in 45 mins". It's a bit of a blur because I was so worked up, he said other things to me out of anger as well.

I was so shocked, I felt liking crying my eyes out. I'm an inexperienced driver who is still very nervous on the road, and surely my instructor should be able to take full control over the car? What if an examiner had to do an emergency stop for someone and the breaks broke? It's made me feel very unsafe and even more nervous for future lessons. He was so nasty to me about it, I even apologised and he just ignored me. He managed to tighten both breaks back up, and then drove me home. Later on I realised that I shouldn't of apologised for temporarily breaking his car because it wasn't my fault? Or was it.. AIBU?

something basic missed in the first lesson on an automatic - and chatter about 'both feet' risks confusing/reinforcing this.

your left foot is irrelevant in an automatic - amputate it if necessary, it must not be involved in controlling the car. There ought to be a footrest - put it there, or if you cant reach/its uncomfortable put it flat - then forget about it.

your right foot alternates between accelerator and brake - there are circumstances where it may not be depressing either pedal but it must always be over one of them.

i agree bod was probably terrified and you need to change instructor - but when you do make sure you explain this incident and get the instructor to drill you on this.

(yes i know there are some evil constructions with foot operated handbrakes - but the principles stand.)

'You have broke the car'?

This alone would make me look for another instructor immediately. Surely an ability to communicate effectively is a vital skill in this situation?

Get a new instructor! He should have taught you to hover your foot over the brake and if you were not doing it coming up to a junction, reminded you. It is what my instructor did - "Cover your brake, just in case."

Seriously, you made a mistake. It happens - that's the reason for dual controls. But a car that breaks (instead of brakes) if you do an emergency stop? Unsafe, and needs checking by a mechanic. If I bought a new car and it broke when I did an emergency stop, I would take it back and complain vociferously. I wouldn't think "Oh it's the way I braked!"

It's not unreasonable to shout "Brake" in an emergency but it sounds like he hadn't taught you enough to be safe. Being agitated that his car is broken is also fine. Shouting at you that it's all your fault? Not fine. He should have apologised afterwards. It also sounds like he said some other things to you that were not professional.

You apologise if you break someone else's possession. It's polite. It doesn't mean that it's your fault.

Please get a new instructor. I have realised listening to other people's driving lesson stories, that some instructors are truly shocking. Mine had the patience of a saint! Even when I made truly horrific mistakes (including the time she thought I had broken her car - luckily I hadn't). She got cross once in nearly 50 lessons and apologised afterwards (it wasn't the time I half broke her car). I am so lucky to have found her.

OP You should be learning basic control of a car off-road on a private road or empty car park.
& get another driving instructor, you'll never have faith in him again.

I think it’s really important to have an instructor you’re comfortable with. While they obviously need to be quick to react and point out mistakes, what they definitely need is patience and a long fuse, and it sounds as if this guy has neither.

When I was learning to drive as a teenager my first instructor was quite negative and never encouraging. He kept saying I should have ‘just one more’ lesson before taking the test. He then told my parents he thought I was on drugs because I was ‘too laid back’ (I wasn’t!).

After feeling I was getting nowhere with him I got a new instructor who was brilliant and after 2 lessons said I was ready to take the test and couldn’t understand why I hadnt taken it already. He really inspired confidence in myself and I passed at the first attempt.

15 years later I think I’d still be taking lessons if I’d stayed with the first one!

Don't be like me, Op. I stuck with my driving instructor because he came so highly recommended by everyone else, even though he completely shattered my confidence when I did something really foolish in a roundabout around my 5th lesson or so. I never ever felt confident with him again, paid for another 15 hours and failed spectacularly my test because I was I not comfortable enough behind the wheel after The Event. I wholeheartedly believe that had I moved on to another instructor, the outcome might have been different.

If it makes you feel any better... three weeks after passing my test in a manual I defiantly went and bought an automatic after decided manual cars wer stupid so mature. I pressed the accelerator instead of the break when reverse parking at the shop (HARD!!!!) And slammed my shiny new car into a wall... £2500 worth of damage.

I've certainly never done it since and even 2 years later subconsciously do a split second additional check - is my foot over the correct pedal.

Anyway, we all make mistakes, especially when learning a new skill and agree the instructor should have picked up on the feet flat on the floor. I scraped my instructors new alloys the night before my test and although he didn't shout or even raise his voice I could feel the hatred radiating off him 😂

Definitely get a new instructor, put it behind you and focus on the future!

You didn't break the car. It sounds like he slammed on the dual control brake and the linkages across to your brake came loose with the force. That's his fault for not maintaining them. And it was his fault you weren't covering the brake with your right foot... he should have emphasised that from the first lesson. My instructor used to say 'remember to cover that brake' endlessly. She never shouted once. He's a twat.

Sitting inside a giant metal box, on round things, being propelled forwards by a contained explosion device... and we think she should have 'common sense'. The only think more unnatural than this are submarines and aeroplanes. Common sense is for walking under a rotten tree in a storm or poking a lion in the bum with a stick.

Driving is an entirely learned activity. Nothing makes sense and even the most accomplished driver will make mistakes from time to time. Common sense might as easily say rest your foot when it's not in use and my legs ache after a long drive The OP hadn't learned that bit, but now she has.

Get a new driving instructor. His car is a pile of shite if an emergency stop causes an issue, and his attitude is dreadful. I had an instructor tell me how bad I was at driving after our first lesson (I had driving lessons to test point years before, but was ill on the day and then moved to London and couldn't see the point). I quit the lessons and eventually an instructor was recommended to me. On our first lesson he got me to do a hill start on the very steep hill I lived on and then told me to get on with it.

Ragevibration DH did exactly the same thing... first day in his new automatic - slammed into the skip on our drive!

DP is an auto driving instructor. He says if the brakes broke during an emergency stop then they weren’t installed properly and aren’t safe. Instructor is at fault at each point. He should have explained where to place your feet and watching your feet is one of many things an instructor is doing whilst you’re driving. He should have been getting on the brakes as soon as he realised you were on the accelerator. He should not have allowed you to enter the junction. He should not have shouted at you. Basically, he’s crap and the car isn’t safe, get a different instructor.
You can use this link to find another instructor.

To find an auto instructor in your area, consider this open Facebook group. It's nationwide and is populated by learners and instructors alike. Ask there and you may get the help you need.

www.facebook.com/groups/Automaticdrivinglessons/

Three lessons in, surely the instructor should be covering his brake at all times? Yes, OP made mistakes but literally everyone does during driving lessons. That’s the whole point of doing them. He shouldn’t lose his cool or let the car be nearly in an accident - he’s in charge and being paid to look out for the OP!

New instructor, definitely.

And you should watch that Mike Leigh movie called Happy-Go-Lucky it sounds like your instructor is the same guy as hers!!

Find yourself another driving instructor, as someone with that temperament should not be teaching!

He has dual control for a reason and ultimately he is the one is charge of the vehicle. It was only your third lesson for goodness sake, what does he expect!

This is exactly my point pp's. Surely as an instructor, teaching people to drive with little to no experience, in any sort of danger he should of been able to make an emergency stop for me. From my understanding (I didn't really want to ask him what and why it happened as I knew how angry he was at me) he had already tried to make an emergency stop but because he had done it with such force, the brake had loosened and was no longer attached to the brake in the car. Honestly it is such a blur. I didn't know if it was me or him who had stopped the car but looking back on it, it must of been me as he had lost control and this is why he was so angry and worked up. But surely this is his cars fault and not mine? He told me it was my fault for not braking immediately when he told me to. His actual words were "why the hell wasn't you braking". It has knocked my confidence a lot. I just wouldn't feel safe using his car again. He was so angry at me and did not say a single word to me until we arrived back at my house. Even then it was just "is 1pm next Tuesday ok?"

I'm a sensitive person as it is and genuinely believed it was my fault until OH told me it wasn't. I know he was shouting at me because he was scared but the shouting just made me panic and flap even more.

I know it's my own fault for putting both feet flat on the floor. He told me to keep my left foot on the rest but I just didn't like it there and he was fine with that. Maybe I should try get used to it, although the same mistake still could've happened even with just my right foot flat on the floor. It makes complete sense to me to hover over now and I definitely won't make that mistake again! I suppose he should of noticed what I was doing the first lesson but he didn't. I only had 3 manual lessons but i just didn't like it. A few of my friends have told me scary stories about manual cars and hills so I just decided to change. Gave up very quickly, I'm even considering going back as he is the only automatic driving instructor in my whole area!

Another thing that really annoys me about him is that he just TALKS and TALKS about random crap that's not even relevant to driving. It's really distracting, I felt like I should of said something but I'm too polite and don't like to upset anyone! He must know that it's distracting me because sometimes I don't reply straight away.

Regardless of whether the OP had her feet in the wrong place, he sounds vile. I changed instructors for much less.

Find a new instructor- it’s his job to ensure the car is road worthy not yours. My first instructor came highly recommended. Turned out he was great with people that found driving easy and absolutely shite with nervous or flow drivers. I finally passed my test with a lovely, calm man who didn’t flinch or shout once (despite me causing damage to the car during one of my tests). If you’re hesitant you need someone that will make you confident. I had a long break between driving when I was in the city. When I drove again after nearly a decade, my husband and my dad were both stress inducing awful people to be in the car with (despite being lovely out of the car!) I got some refresher lessons and all was good. Some people are just not patient and aren’t compatible with underconfident drivers/learners.

Yea their not cut out to be a driving Instructor. Please don't let them put you off x

He sounds awful.

FWIW, I'm dyspraxic and was awful when I was learning to drive. I certainly didn't know you shouldn't put your feet flat on the floor (I don't think I ever did, but no one told me not to and it wouldn't have seemed obvious, if you see what I mean). I definitely got mixed up between brake and accelerator on more than one occasion. I did far worse things than you, by the sounds. Luckily for me, my first instructor was always calm and never made me feel unsafe, even though looking back I must have added to his grey hairs.

I have never had a serious accident since I passed my test, and the worst things I've ever done are 1) clip a pillar in a multi-story and 2) put a very small dent in someone else's car while parking. I've been driving 15 years, and a lot of people have more accidents in that time,

Please don't let him discourage you, and please find someone else!

@BlueBug45 but she has had lessons before, with this instructor and previously in a manual. This wasn't her first lesson. It's bad he shouted, but since people just aren't natural drivers and not realising it's not ok to take both feet completely off the pedals of a moving tonne of metal you are in charge of, might suggest OP might be better off not driving.

That's for correcting me on the "break" not "brake" thing  for some reason this is one I always mix up, I'm usually good with my English too. I'll probably do it again, so excuse me if I do 

"Brake" not "break" I mean. Oh my, get me to bed already

When you send the car out of control by hitting the accelerator, all instructors will shout "brake, brake, brake". Shouting brake isn't a problem; they need to get your attention and make you act.

His reaction afterwards was stress induced. He had a student with a test next on his schedule; if he couldn't fix the car then that student would lose their test fee, miss their test etc. It's a big deal. So I can understand the anger, especially given that you hammered the accelerator... It's a mistake you should not be making at this stage. But even with understand his anger, he should not have let it out at you. That was wrong.

Change instructors if you want, or maybe think about whether you are capable of driving at all. Putting both feet on the floor? You shouldn't need to be told not to do that.

I did some utterly boneheaded things when learning to drive (in my 30s) and my instructor never even looked like she’d noticed. It was only when we were out of the situation she’d say, with infinite calmness, “now, that didn’t go so well. What could you do differently next time?”. I loved her for that! I was flustered and rattled enough without someone else cranking up the drama. Yes, you need to be told when you’ve done something wrong but at the end of the day, dual controls are there for a reason and they should feel in control enough to stay outwardly calm at least.

Or perhaps it might suggest the driving instructor is crap and needs to explain the basics! We all started from scratch once and it doesn't sound as though OP has had many lessons.