To allow dd to search for friend?

[Pawprintjoy]

Dd’s friend has been missing for the past 3 days (ran away, currently sofa surfing) and dd is very insistent that she wants to go and join the rest of her friends searching for him. Dh says no and she shouldn’t interfere. WIBU to let her go out and search for him with everyone else ?

I’d go and join the search with her becuase I’d feel for the other parents with a missing child, must be awful. So yes I’d let her go

Why would she have to go and physically look? Does he not have a phone she could text? Is she more likely to find him than all his other friends?

I think YABU to totally ignore your dh's preference without further discussion and I would think carefully about whether your dd looking would actually help or just add more drama to the situation. What would she do if she found him?

What age are we talking?
Also, if they’re missing to the point of needing to be searched for, how do you know they are sofa surfing?

How old is she?

If you know enough about where he is to know he's currently sofa surfing he's not really missing is he, so why would he need all his friends to go in search of him?

How old are DD and her friends?

I don't think you can just overrule your DH. This is something you all need to talk about.

Where exactly are these young people planning on looking. If he is genuinely missing surely the police will be involved after three days, but sofa surfing suggests they know more or less where he is.

Agree with PP it might just be adding drama.

Missing or sofa-surfing. Which?

So sleeping on a friend’s sofa? Not missing. No need to go and hunt.

There may be a very good reason he's run away. Consider that he may not want to be found or go home. If he's really missing the police will be involved - be guided by them.

Search needed due to fact he is schizophrenic and is classed as vulnerable, police are involved but no ones managed to be able to find him yet he’s always gone before they get there. Dd has higher chance of finding him and persuading him to go home.
Dh reasoning is that last time he ran away he spent a night here and ended up bringing police to our door (seeing him being taken away to go back to his house by police really unsettled dd) and he doesn’t want that again.

Dd is a bundle of anxiety atm because of the fact that people are lying about where he is to make sure he’s not found

He’s ran away but from what friends have said he seems to be staying at random houses of people that he has never met before

So they are going to knock on stranger’s doors? Leave this to the police.

Bit of a drip feed there op.
Vulnerable or not , there may still be a good reason why he isn't at home.
How old is he ?
The police are well experienced in this situation so I'd let them do their job .

I wouldn't be allowing my dd to go for knows where knocking on stranger's doors anyway.
Are you sure this isn't a bunch of kids ( you haven't said how old ) feeding off the drama?
They would be powerless to do anything even if they found him.

That should be God knows where

Im with your oh on this one.
I would not be happy with one of my dc's knocking on random people doors. Especially as having police round really unsettled her. This is a matter for the police.

I also think this needs to be a lesson for your dd, that it is not her responsibility to keep this person safe. That is a massive ask for someone so young. Its happened before, its happening again. Whats to say this isnt foing to be an ongoing problem.

I’d also let the police do their job. If it was searching woodland or something as part of an organised search that would be different, but I would just worry that your dd and her friends may do more harm than good if they interfere..? Maybe that’s me being overly cautious though.

I hope they find him though! What a dreadful worry for his family and friends. It’s lovely your dd wants to help too.

*peoples
*going

Dd needs to not get involved

All the kids will know where the run-away is - if they know he's sofa surfing, and they are lying to stop him being found, then they know where he is. From experience, I'd check your daughters bedroom/shed/garage, because the runaway very well may have given her stuff to hide for him and shes actually taking him a change of clothes.

Really don’t mean to drip feed, from what we were told by dd friends he was sofa surfing but he’s been wondering the streets all day for days. Dd hasn’t seen him since he last ran away (he was grounded for running away) and this was his first trip out into another city that he was allowed. By searching I don’t mean she’ll go round knocking on doors !! That’s definitely something she should leave to the police but his last known location was a huge park and dd just wants to make sure he’s safe.

It depends how old your daughter is as to whether you can actually stop her.

You should strongly discourage her, he sounds like he's attention seeking and his friends are enjoying the drama. And you need to tell her this, anything else is setting her up for a lifetime of running after emotional parasites.

Just realised how this sounds ! It’s not just the kids searching the whole community have been searching local woodland and areas

Your updates are a million miles from your OP. Bit of a drip feed to say the least.

So he's staying in houses of people he's never met before while he's in a large park all day, and in another city.

Perhaps it needs to be left to the police and perhaps other adults who know what they're doing.

You haven't said how old your dd is but I'm thinking a young person going around large parks in strange cities and into houses of people unknown to her is probably not a good idea.

All sounds very chaotic.

??

Agree with your DH. Would be useful for DD to learn about setting appropriate “boundaries” and self care. Eg she is a friend, not a mental health professional or other trained person so does not have responsibility for “talking him down”. It would be potentially unsafe for her to go knocking on strangers’ doors.