To not understand why colleague is so negative?

[Revengeofthecold]

I’ll get straight into it. I work in a very small office that’s open 24/7, and always have the same people on my shift. I’m having a huge problem with a colleague, and don’t know how to deal with her.
She’s extremely negative, as soon as she comes into work she’s complaining within seconds about something. She constantly bad mouths other members of staff, sometimes saying really vile things, but then as soon as she sees the person in question she’s laughing and joking with them. I work with her every shift, and she always sits next to me so I can’t escape it! I don’t respond to her when she’s slagging off my colleagues, but she still carries on. I’m sick of spending 10 hours of my day listen to this woman suck the life out of the office, she’s the most bitter woman I’ve ever met and I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m very aware that she most likely talks about me in such a negative way as well, she hasn’t got a good word to say about anyone at work. I now dread going into work, I can’t change my shifts to get away from her, and I can’t mention anything to the office manager as she’s a blabber mouth, and it would circulate the office immediately. What would you do in this situation? It may seem trivial but this woman is a nasty piece of work.

'Im busy'

Record her surreptitiously.

Then after that tell her in a matter of fact way that you don't want to hear her speaking disparagingly about other colleagues.

If she is going to bitch about you anyway, you might as well tell her not to talk to you any more, because you don't want to hear her negativity.

Or you can just keep saying, "Are you being negative again?"
Look all surprised, but don't let up. Every time she is negative, ask her, "are you being negative?"
It will make her aware, it will annoy her enough that she will likely start to think twice about vocalizing it, plus you technically aren't doing anything wrong, so you can get into trouble yourself

Thanks for the replies! There has been times where I’ve defended the person she’s moaning about, and she’s practically ripped my head off. She doesn’t like it if your opinion differs to hers. To be perfectly honest I’m slightly scared of her, she’s very aggressive so I feel like if I was to be blunt and say “stop talking shit about other people to me” she’d end up smacking me! I think what bothers me the most is our office is very multi cultural, she’s a blatent racist and makes thinly veiled racist remarks. It’s an awful environment to work in when she’s there.

Gosh I’ve worked with people like this and I feel for you. You won’t change her. I feel like your best option is avoidance - desk move? Headphones? Working from home?

I had an emotional vampire, and the only way I could deal with her was being as (irritatingly) upbeat and cheerful as possible. When she bitched about people I refused to get drawn in, just changed the subject constantly. When she realised I wasn't going to play, she left me alone. I'd also be 'just getting up to go to the loo/make tea/go to the copier/speak to Susan' when she came in (I was always there before her) so by the time I came back she'd latched on to someone else. Not great for them, but eventually she swerved me completely, even if I just stayed at my desk. Bonus, my step count was always higher when she was in the office
I was utterly exhausted with her and someone else gave me this advice, so I do know how draining these people can be

Could you put the radio on? To fill up the silence or just wear headphones? Though I know a lot of jobs don’t lend themselves to that. She sounds really difficult...I’d dread having to be with someone who did that.

Yep yep, even down to the aggression. Grey rock OP.
'Isn't Claire a right cow, I can't stand her'
'oh I saw this thing on telly last night, there are new mattresses/ juicers/ exercise machines (I always used weird and wonderful shopping channel products, I'm sure she thought I was very strange getting excited about the nutri bullet!) have you seen it?' don't get sucked in to conversation, and be as boring as humanly possible, even perfect the monotone drone if you can.
Report instances of racism to management please OP, it's really not OK. Management need to sort that out.

Thank you! I’m glad to hear that I’m not being overly sensitive. The upbeat method sounds good, that’s something I could definitely do. I do wear headphones around halfway through the shift, she doesn’t take the hint and continues talking to me I’ve just remembered something else she does! I watch GBBO, so when she comes into the office she’ll ask if I’ve seen it, I’ll say “no, don’t tell me I’m going to watch it tonight”. Then she’ll say “it’s a good one! I can’t believe x person has gone!” every week she does this to me!

My go to phrase is usually shut the fuck up.

I’ll say “no, don’t tell me I’m going to watch it tonight”
When you should continue that sentence with 'so no doubt you'll do your usual childish act of telling me who's gone won't you?' and finish with
And when she starts bitching just saying loudly 'please don't start bitching about our colleagues again, I find it rather two-faced given that you don't say it to their face but instead act like you're their best mate'
She may never speak to you again but that's not such a bad thing

I think you have to start being blunt with her, if she gets confrontation walk away.

What about recording her and then sending a copy of the recording to every other person working there that she has slagged off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures after all!
I worked for seven and a half years with one like this but I could get away from her for 50% of my work time. She used to reduce me to tears of frustration working with her as she was loud, manipulative and the worlds biggest twister. How I stuck it I do not know.

Oh god this sounds exhausting!

Secret recording is illegal?

If she is making racist remarks about colleagues that should probably be reported. Sounds like the manager needs to have a word.

You could either just say “ah well, that’s life” and change the subject/ignore, say “I’ve reallh got to get on, perhaps we can catch up at break time?”, or “I’ve got a lot going on at the moment, I’m not in a position to take on any more negativity right now”, or “FFS, moaner, first world problems or what?!? Get over yourself!!”

Last one is my fave

the bigger problem is surely that your manager is highly unprofessional. You should be able to speak to her about this in confidence. That alone would make me go to HR.

I'd be jokey about it: glass half empty again etc

I agree with @RiverTam

You could tell her that you're recording for an hour at several points during the day because you want to analyse the background noise around you when you're working.

If she says something after she's been told - only herself to blame...

And if you don't catch anything - do it again the next day. and the next. At some point she will drop her guard and say something so you'll have it as evidence to show to management.

Or re the GBBO - as she comes in, before she starts to talk, say hang on a minute, I'm just going to record this - and do so.

Then say right, carry on, where were we? She will then spoil the ending for you and you stop and ask her why she does this every single time... and she will deny it, then you will play her the evidence. Do this every time it's on and each week play her the tapes of her doing it for the previous xx times...

Or when she starts to talk about it - stick your fingers in your ears very visibly and start saying lalalalalalala very loudly then stop to explain that you can't take a risk as she spoils it every week, so you don't want to know so she is forcing you into taking drastic measures...

Thank you all for the advice, there’s some very good tips on here.
Regarding HR, unfortunately the company I work for doesn’t have one. It’s a very small local business, we only have the office manager and then the owner of the company (who is completely irrational and very confrontational).

wow. Time to look for a new job?

Clip a Go Pro onto your computer/pen pot and say it's "in case I have an accident at work," then she might think twice about slagging people off if it's on video. Can you think of any possible excuse why you'd need to sit at a different table in the office? Eg proximity to printer/loo/water machine. Or maybe you use a headset or something you could keep on all the time even if you're not using it? I wish I could be more helpful, I've had to sit next to some real backstabbers.