To not understand why colleague is so negative?

[Revengeofthecold]

I’ll get straight into it. I work in a very small office that’s open 24/7, and always have the same people on my shift. I’m having a huge problem with a colleague, and don’t know how to deal with her.
She’s extremely negative, as soon as she comes into work she’s complaining within seconds about something. She constantly bad mouths other members of staff, sometimes saying really vile things, but then as soon as she sees the person in question she’s laughing and joking with them. I work with her every shift, and she always sits next to me so I can’t escape it! I don’t respond to her when she’s slagging off my colleagues, but she still carries on. I’m sick of spending 10 hours of my day listen to this woman suck the life out of the office, she’s the most bitter woman I’ve ever met and I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m very aware that she most likely talks about me in such a negative way as well, she hasn’t got a good word to say about anyone at work. I now dread going into work, I can’t change my shifts to get away from her, and I can’t mention anything to the office manager as she’s a blabber mouth, and it would circulate the office immediately. What would you do in this situation? It may seem trivial but this woman is a nasty piece of work.

Do NOT record her. Very bad advice.

This is almost like a sitcom. So you sit next to the doom and gloom bringer to mankind whom adds a bit of racism to spice up her rhetoric. She ruins your TV moments. Upheld by a manager who's a blabber mouth and topped off by the owner of the company who is completely irrational and very confrontational.

I'd urge you not to look a gift horse in the mouth. This has all the hallmarks of a very tidy settlement.

The woman has got into the bad habit of being negative and unpleasant about people because she has probably not been challenged about it. It is unacceptable.

Tell her straight!

This can be horrible! Fortunately it's pretty rare I think (well for me). If it's got so bad you want to try and break the flow of negativity then you've either got to confront it or try and blank her every single time. If I was going to do something so overt as confront her I would be looking around for new jobs - just in case she becomes unbearable! Good luck,

I'll be honest OP that implicit acceptance of her racism is a bigger issue than the complaining. She clearly feels like she is untouchable.

I'd be nice as pie to her when needed and then be like Teflon.

I had a colleague who had to out-complain anyone. I took the kill with kindness and relentless positivity approach. There's only so long someone can be like that if you don't bite to their negativity. In that case chief complainer stopped startinf conversations with me, which I took as a sign they were more interested in a negative echo chamber for their moaning than anything else. It had its awkward moments but it was better than always hearing why they were so hard done to.

"That's funny, they always speak very highly of you" is a useful response sometimes.

I copy my friend.
She uses the word “anyway” when she wants to change the topic of conversation (with me! 😮 )

“anyway.....have you seen that latest Nutribullet/vaccum cleaner/drama series on TV?”

the word “Anyway....” slides into conversation really well!

If she hit you that might solve your problem of having to work with her. 🙊

She is being racist? And she's doing this in a multicultural organisation? You need to complain every single time.

You said the owner of the company was irrational and confrontational but does he care about the company profits? Toxic employees cost businesses big bucks in lost productivity and staff turnover and negativity is contagious. Are there enough staff in the office for you to anonymously send him some information without him/her knowing it came from you?

Every time she slags someone off say sympathetically "oh dear, have you tried talking to them about it?" Or alternatively "that's a shame you feel that way, so and so always says such nice things about you....anyway (change subject)"
If you can figure out what response she's trying to get from you by bitching to you, then do the opposite, hopefully she'll decide it's pointless?!

use headphones, as soon as you walk in and even if you can hear her dont even look at her
or perfect RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY
each and everything she says reply with a very high pitched and screechy and drawn out "really", she will eventually think you are a freak and best left alone as the RRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYY gets bloody annoying!
OR
Hold up your hand and say " Martha, can i just stop you there" and turn back to your desk, and say it again and again each time she talks (dont add anything on to it)

Next time look disinterested and then randomly say
Drain
She will ask you what you are on about
I read something interesting about personalities the other day about how some people and radiators and ooze warmth and comfort, sharing that with others
And some people are drains, sucking out the positivity from any situation and dragging others down.
Then get up and walk away

I'd tell her that I'm concerned about her mental state as negative ruminations are a classic symptom of depression. Every time she's being negative just act really concerned and ask her if she's been to see her GP yet. Eventually she'll either stop talking to you or she actually will go get some help.

There’s some really helpful advice on here, thank you all.
With the racist comments, I was thinking of sending an anonymous email to the office manager about it, but the only thing is I’m worried she’ll brush it off. She doesn’t take responsibility and is basically just there for a pay check (if that makes sense). The racist comments will be along the lines of “well THEY always get their holidays off” in regards to religious holidays, and “THEY all treat white women like shit”, this will be said in front of other members of staff that are of a different ethnicity to her. With the work environment it is very multicultural like I said, the owner is of a different race and so are the third party contractors that we use. I don’t fully understand why she’d work in this environment when shes a blatent racist and is so hateful. I’m sorry if I haven’t worded that correctly, I don’t want to offend anyone.

Well you clearly can't send an anonymous e-mail. It has the potential to backfire spectacularly on you. Frankly if someone sent an anonymous e-mail reporting me for making racist comments I'd be seeking out legal guidance with a view to put in a grievance over any tenuous link I could find be it malicious treatment and malignancy of my character.

Unless you are willing to write a statement providing chapter and verse of her words you'll find an e-mail carries no weight - especially for something so serious. If it gets back to whomever that you were the author of the e-mail then you won't be starting proceedings in the best light.

I've thrown colleagues under the bus for far lesser reasons and I had no qualms about it.

I have dealt with difficult colleagues by saying things like:
I don't do bitching - you'll need to find someone else.

And "I don't do bitching, I don't gossip, I don't do lunch, I am incredibly boring - you need to find someone else"

It has shocked people but also effectively deflected them.

I am fascinating BTW.

In your situation I would try "I'm an upbeat person and I find your constant negativity very tiresome. I won't participate in it." Accompanied by hard stare and then just get on with your work.

I worked with a very similar person. There was no getting away from her negativity and aggression and she was so very loud.
This might seem bonkers but I found that either imagining a golden barrier or mirror between me and her helped deflect the negativity. Also, imagining huge angel wings wrapped around me helped.
Good luck.

I have also worked with similar people and I 100% recommend looking for another job . People like this just bring you down , there is no reasoning with them or anything because they are miserable people. . I found looking for another job will make you much happier. What have you got to loose ?

I have noticed how very negative a colleague is recently. She will tell me how unsupportive my immediate boss is, but I’ve found the boss very good, actually, so I’ve told her she needs to ask directly if she needs support. This negative colleague comes in and tells me how great I am compared to the boss (I’m her direct manager). It’s becoming very annoying as I think my boss is weak, but tries hard and is lovely.

I think it’s ok to ignore her, give examples of how lovely the people she’s being negative about are and deride what she says if she’s negative.

I'd wear noise cancelling earphones when you can.