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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is DP

45 replies

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:25

For context, I work 2 days a week. 11 hours, college 2 days a week, do all school runs and majority of childcare. Sometimes do an extra shift Sunday's.
We split child clubs Saturday's.
He works 5 days a week 7 till half 2.
Every month I do an extra morning at college on a weds, the other weds I have a toddler and do the cleaning. He helps (seldom) when home. I do most of cooking, he does most washing.

Anyway. Weds I go to college at 10-12. I don't drive so drop the kids at childminders and school then get bus to college. Youngest is there 9-3 & here lies the problem. I get back from college at 1, bus drops me at home. I come home and get 2 hours of assignment work in and sometimes get bits in house done. Then it's a 20 min walk to school and 20 min walk home. So I collect them all at the same time at 3. DP says I'm unreasonable for paying an extra 15pounds on a weds for youngest to be at childminders seen as though I could go straight after college to get him instead of coming home. I say I've already got a heap of work that needs doing and that takes the load of me a little instead of rushing around back and forth like an idiot.
Am I being U to pay 15 once a month to get assignments and bits done I can't any other time. Or is he been U moaning at me about it?
He doesn't do school runs because he usually isn't back in time for them and sets off before me. My mum will usually pick them up after work on her way home the days I'm working and drop them with him.

I personally think he is a moaning slightly lazy and I'm loosing my shit with it. I'm back on antidepressants because I'm so tired and worn down and low with everything on. Now I feel guilty about this.
WE also have 4 DC. So my hands are very full!

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 25/10/2018 10:29

This reply has been deleted

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7yo7yo · 25/10/2018 10:30

Ps 4 kids, work, study and running a home means your also superwoman.

drinkygin · 25/10/2018 10:33

Tell him the cost of driving lessons, buying, maintaining and insuring a car will be much more than £15 a month. He sounds lazy, selfish and unreasonable. You deserve a medal for all that you do Flowers

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:34

Yes you're right I am a mug. I'm sick of it. It's always stupid little things that he moans about and makes a huge deal out of them? I'm in middle if trying to pass my test to make things easier. But I do work extremely hard and I'm trying to better myself. I feel like he constantly puts me down for doing it.
I barely have a social life at all.
I've recently switched departments in my work and been invited to two Christmas dos. One night do, one afternoon do (few hours) mentioned them both.
His reply was, well you have time for that don't you.
He gets to the football.most Saturdays. So after them morning I'm juggling assignments and child care.
Currently sat here first day off in ages. Shattered and can't even be bothered to turn laptop on.
Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:
AlphaBravo · 25/10/2018 10:35

He has entire afternoons off work... He's a lazy arse. And why are you enabling him to be such a lazy arse?

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:36

I'm very lucky in that my grandad acknowledged all the hard work I put in and decided to insure me on my parents car. So as well as everything else I'm learning yo drive. Sad
Don't know about super woman. I feel more deflated lol!
Thanks for the replies guys I just needed a rant.
And new partner obviously!

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NoSquirrels · 25/10/2018 10:37

Tell him to fuck off.

Why are “you” paying childcare - isn’t it a shared expense?

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:38

I'm trying not to enable him. But he just doesn't listen! He said I decided to study so it's my own fault. It was either that or stick in a dead end job my whole life. I want my kids to see how far it's possible to go.
I came home from college other day and needed to go shopping. Said a time and his response was "what about tea! You'll be back late!"

OP posts:
Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:39

Yeah it is, but he doesn't see why he should pay any extra if I'm home.

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Sparklfairy · 25/10/2018 10:41

"what about tea! You'll be back late!"

... you know where the kitchen is.

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:42

Yesterday I did say to him..
Your are going tea tonight I'm off on a driving lesson. Also added in "Can you do it now because I'm hungry and I'll be back late!" He huffed a bit but eventually made hotdogs Hmm

OP posts:
Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:42

Sorry for the typos. I literally am exhausted.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 25/10/2018 10:48

I pay for afterschools as my children finish at different times and I want to do one pick up.

PositiveVibez · 25/10/2018 10:48

Hang on. Have I got this wrong? He finishes work at half 2, gets home and does absolutely fuck all aside from taking care of his own children until you get home?

Weenurse · 25/10/2018 10:49

Time for a chore chart on the kitchen door.
Everyone gets jobs allocated for the week , depending on their abilities.
This includes the grown ups. Decision made at family meeting so everyone is included.
At the ages of 6 and 7 DD had to clear table, load dishwasher and empty bins.
At 8 and 9 they cooked each week one night. It was the same meal each week, but by the ages of 9 and 10 they could produce dinner on their nights.
Husband chose to cook on weekends so he had more time. Also, when they were young, I worked weekends. Otherwise, whoever was home first, cooked.
Time for some help.

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:51

That's the things. The kids do lots of chores. They're awesome at it. I can't complain there.

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Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:52

Finishes half 2 and gets home at 4. Will put one wash on (sometimes) then get in shower and tell everyone else what they should be doing yep spot on!

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Rebecca36 · 25/10/2018 10:54

Dreadful bloke. When you have a week off, leave him to get on with all the jobs, take children to the childminder, etc. Go somewhere else. By the time you get back he might appreciate you.

He can't even make himself a cup of tea! What use is a bloke like that?

letsdolunch321 · 25/10/2018 10:57

Firstly, I would be making list of daily chores that need doing along with a list of what nights he is cooking.

Cheeky fucker - no wonder you are knackered juggling all those plates !

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:58

No he can't actually make a cup of tea. Whenever I'm around I'll get up and make a coffee because he never does. Then moan if I don't make him one. Never offers me.

Would it be really shit of me today if when toddler goes for a nap, instead of cleaning and studying. I turn on shite t.v, eat crap and do nothing? First day of in a long time and the kids are also getting picked up from school so I can literally just relax. But why do I feel guilty?

I could leave all the cleaning for him tomorrow while I spend the day working in theatres!

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LettuceP · 25/10/2018 10:59

Wow you are superwoman! He needs to pitch in and do his share, you need to stop doing everything it's too much. I cant believe he just watches you run around doing everything and then digs at you about a Xmas party.
Sounds like you've let him get away with doing sweet FA for too long, time to start telling him what needs to be done for him to pull his weight.

Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 10:59

Honestly in the though process of getting my ducks in a row and getting rid. So fed up and nothing else has worked.

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Glasshalffull99 · 25/10/2018 11:00

He sees supermarket shopping and driving lessons as me time.

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NoSquirrels · 25/10/2018 11:01

Put your feet up today please.

Oldraver · 25/10/2018 11:05

Apart from t he odd bit of washing what else does he bring to the house ?

It sounds like you're run ragged while he is the big I am being waited on.

Is his commute a long one or does he faff so he doesn't have to pick the kids up ?