AIBU or is DP

[Glasshalffull99]

For context, I work 2 days a week. 11 hours, college 2 days a week, do all school runs and majority of childcare. Sometimes do an extra shift Sunday's.
We split child clubs Saturday's.
He works 5 days a week 7 till half 2.
Every month I do an extra morning at college on a weds, the other weds I have a toddler and do the cleaning. He helps (seldom) when home. I do most of cooking, he does most washing.

Anyway. Weds I go to college at 10-12. I don't drive so drop the kids at childminders and school then get bus to college. Youngest is there 9-3 & here lies the problem. I get back from college at 1, bus drops me at home. I come home and get 2 hours of assignment work in and sometimes get bits in house done. Then it's a 20 min walk to school and 20 min walk home. So I collect them all at the same time at 3. DP says I'm unreasonable for paying an extra 15pounds on a weds for youngest to be at childminders seen as though I could go straight after college to get him instead of coming home. I say I've already got a heap of work that needs doing and that takes the load of me a little instead of rushing around back and forth like an idiot.
Am I being U to pay 15 once a month to get assignments and bits done I can't any other time. Or is he been U moaning at me about it?
He doesn't do school runs because he usually isn't back in time for them and sets off before me. My mum will usually pick them up after work on her way home the days I'm working and drop them with him.

I personally think he is a moaning slightly lazy and I'm loosing my shit with it. I'm back on antidepressants because I'm so tired and worn down and low with everything on. Now I feel guilty about this.
WE also have 4 DC. So my hands are very full!

How come your Mum is picking the kids up from school after she's been at work when your DP is sitting at home?

Get rid of him op

It is a pretty long commute. That I know is fair. But nothing, I'm realising more and more he brings nothing. Finances are equal as my job is better paid hence part time. But he insisted he was doing full time.

He will wash up, but his idea of washing up after I've cooked is leaving it all on the draining board for me to (wash again) put away in the morning and a pan soaking.
He says his job is washing up not drying up.

He will sort things out like draws ECT. But I'm now seeing that as more of a control thing because he goes mad if I move things around.
Never once have I seen him clean kitchen floor or Windows or move anything when hoovering. He does a quick wipe in the bathroom once a month.

Over the school holidays while he was at work and kids of school. I painted and moved all the kids bedrooms around and he did nothing. When he got home he kept asking if I was done because he can't watch kids and make tea.

She gets to childminders before him and saves on cost. She offered because she has a heart of gold! But yes he should be and paying the extra. But nope!

Please put your feet up and relax today. Mumsnet said so.

You sound like you're burnt out. When you're feeling stronger leave this entitled selfish uncaring man. He brings nothing to your life except more work and more grief.

Getting rid will make you feel so much better - and it will be better for the DC as well. because having a useless cocklodger in the house makes for an unpleasant atmosphere that they do pick up on, even if you are careful not to shout at the lazy prick when they can hear you.

Why are women still settling for men like this?! Why do you think your place in life is to skivvy around after a useles ballbag of a man? Fuck this OP, find your self worth and get angry. He is absolutely taking the piss. Stop making tea for him, stop cooking for him, stop facilitating his lazy arse. If he’s wants to stop the extra childcare, HE can go pick the children up, he can look after them, if he’s unable to do that then his opinion counts for zero.

I have every sympathy. I'm currently in hospital and my dh has done next to nothing to sort out the kids. I work too and have run myself into the ground trying to do everything.
I wish I could think of a solution. I totally get being too exhausted to do anything. Just don't get so run down you end up ill. This isn't fun.

Thanks guys! I did nothing yesterday. It made me feel guilty but rested at least. Back to work today!

Bloody hell OP you need to read your own posts and look at how much you do and how little he does. You need to get rid of him.

I'd ltb.

I am making steps to leave when I'm stronger. He just gets worse.
I had a hard shift at work with alot of complicated theatre cases didn't get in till 9pm. So yesterday woke up completely burnt out, came on my period and have a really bad time with it. Had zero energy so didn't manage to get much done.

He came home from work and started huffing about having to wash up ECT. I told him how much I was doing and keeping 4 kids entertained all day with a tonne of assignments and a shift like that is not easy.

He then made a point of wiping over the bathroom and hoovering. Said look I've done this for you to make it easier and made the kids a quick tuna pasta. Asked why I didn't say thank you because he made me some too. I said I did say thank you but it's also your responsibility.

He called me a fat cunt and walked off muttering under his breath for the next hour.
The proceeded to ask me why I was in a mood with him. When I told him, he said I've been in a mood all day so that's why he is in a foul mood. I told him the reason I am down is because of the way he behaves. But he doesn't want to hear it. Said the kids and work are stressful.
For context he works in an office job and isn't on a great wage. It's not a complicated job, he has no intention of advancing and trying to work his way up. His sick record is high because the moment he has a cold or sickness or anything (once the youngest kept him up) so he didn't go to work because he was tired. They still go to the childminders when he is off I'll because it is paid. I've been ill alot this year but haven't had a day off work. Then when I'm off I look after the kids and he's at work. I never get that luxury of rest.

He constantly messages me asking me to make sure this is sorted it that is done. Make sure the kids don't wear this or that because it will get ruined.
Whenever he does look after them he tells me of every detail of their misbehaviour (minor things) then tells me they need to be punished.
I think the kids have even had enough.

The list goes on. I think he also gaslights me regualry. Tell me I haven't told him something when I definitely have.

I just feel so drained. Like I'm constantly trying to make sure things are done so he has no room to complain when he gets in. But then I feel so deflated and drained I have no energy. It's a battle every day.

I was in a mood all day because I have to text him to sort things out otherwise every night he will row with me infront of the kids so I text him in advance to prevent it.

I pay the bills ECT so was letting him know how much he owed towards. Because he has missed two months of payments so owes more. He was arguing it was only 1 month (gaslighting) I think. Then he goes of subject making other things he's paid for to confuse me. Which is why I was more unhappy than usual.

you really don't have to put yourself and your kids through this. life is much better without a useless prick like that, i know for a fact, i left mine a couple of months ago and couldn't be happier!

My mum is on board with me now helping me pass my driving so I can get the kids around easier. Especially weekend clubs. I'm nearly there so it's that last hurdle before I ask him to leave. Although he won't go easy because he has nowhere to go and will struggle to rent anywhere decent due to his wage being small.

You know you don't realise just how Ill someone can make you untill it's too late.
It doesn't start like that.

It's been a tough year. I'm making progress now. But I've had 2 major life saving OPs a year ago. So it's been a long road and my mental health isn't getting better because of the situation. However I'm fighting through it because I want to achieve better.

Sounds like he is making your life more difficult because he's jealous you're bettering yourself.
Stay strong OP, you're doing an amazing job.

Not sure why he called me fat. I'm a size 10 and other than the stretch marks and slight mum tum. I'm not over weight.

Leave that mother fucker! Dear God I read your updates Glasshalffull99 and I want to put my foot up his lazy ass! Well done with all that you have achieved and not strangled him yet.

How do I get him to leave if he refuses. It's a joint tenancy on the council.
I've got nowhere else I can go as I don't drive yet and I'm in the middle of a degree, round the corner from work and school. I can't up route the kids.
He is obviously abusive but proof is hard thing isn't it, so the police won't remove him.

Talk to Women's Aid about ways to get rid. It may be possible to get his name removed from the tenancy so he has no right to stay - don't worry about where he will go if you throw him out as that's his problem.