To ask if you let your partner know what time you’ll be home?

[autumnnightsaredrawingin]

AIBU to ask, do you let your partner know what time you’ll be home in the evening and vice versa? And if you’ve said a certain time, and are then going to be later (or earlier) if you text/call to let them know?

Not an exact time, but an ish...and vice versa...just in case

Yes, I text him whenever I'm heading home and he does the same.

Yes, we generally text each other if either is delayed, because we both work random hours and are also out a lot in the evenings, the timings of which can vary. We have adult dc who are also in/out at ramdom times as well.

Organising meals in this house is often complicated...

Yes, we do.

Any of us let someone else know if times are going to be different from 'normal' or 'expected' times.
We don't text / call each day before leaving, but if the plans change and someone is going to be a lot later, then we would.
If you mean a night out, then "late" is vague enough that it doesn't need updates, but if I'd been somewhere and expected home at 10 or 10.30, and plans change so wouldn't then get back until a couple of hours later, then yes, that comes into 'change of plan' category.

Yes but it's mostly to do with whether to keep dinner warm or put it in fridge - that's the incentive.
Our deal is home by 730 no text. Later than that some text communication please.
But he often forgets if wrapped up in work which I'm chill about once or twice but more than that and I'm nagging. During particularly thoughtless phases I refuse to cook. I'm also guilty of forgetting to text or even check my phone on my late work evening

Isn't it just polite?

All our family members let each other know approximate time when we are likely to be home.

We like to know if each other are safe, we can work out who is likely to need fed etc and plan our own days accordingly.

Yes, we've got to know each other's schedules as we need to know who's going to drop DC at school or picking them up from afterschool, also who is dealing with what activity DC might have in the evening. My job involves working late at random places/times, so in these situations I always let him know when I get to the location, also when I am about to leave the location and I am on my way home. Both for safety reasons and out of courtesy.

Also, we don't see our house as a hotel where people come and go as they please, we try to inform each other where we are and for how long. It doesn't mean that if DH needs to be at home before 11 if he says he goes out with his mates for a couple of hours, but I would rather he texted me to let me know that he's late, so that I don't need to worry where he is. I do the same, so that he knows I am OK.

On a normal day to day Yes. On a night out I usually mention a time I'll get home, though it is always much later, I wouldn't text to say I'd be late.

Yes to both and same for him. It's common courtesy

Yes of course. My partner works different hours every day and I never know what time he'll be home. If I've forgotten to check I'll text to ask and he'll reply. Like tonight it's going to be approx 11.30pm. Last night it was 1am. Night before it was 10pm. etc.

Last week I went out to lunch with a friend and it stretched on a bit and then we went out for a walk and then a cup of tea and cake. At 4.30pm I texted oh to let him know I'd be home in an hour. Only reasonable!

We have a complicated schedule (DH hours can be erratic, but mainly really early starts, rather than late nights, I work from home, so at home most of the time, DS2 at high school with lots of after school activities, DS1 at uni with p/t evening job). We all know dinner is planned for 7-7.30ish, so if anyone can’t make it, they text. For evenings out, we’re all pretty much “don’t wait up”!

Not really, unless I’m somewhere that finished at 12 then I’ll be home after that we might say plan to get the last bus but plans change and don’t always remember to say. Otherwise I’m out until the clubs shut if I want too. I’m easy going and so is my Dh.

I always let dh know when I’ll be back before I go out. I don’t think I’ve ever not been back within the hour of the time I originally said. DH on the other hand..... Ive asked him so many times to let me know. I don’t really care what time he gets back tbh, all I really want to know if if he’ll be functional by 9am the next morning. If he isn’t I’ll need to rearrange things - kids to separate activities at the same time at weekends. He still refuses to even try and help and it drives me to tears.

Yes, though DH sometimes doesn’t let me know he’s going to be late until the time I’m expecting him to walk through the door, which is simply annoying because I may not have done something for dinner that’ll keep in the oven - not my problem, of course, and he doesn’t care, but it just annoys me to think that I could have done something else if I’d known.

DP picks me up from the station, so I always let him know if my train is ok or delayed, etc. If it's a night out, they're usually planned in advance and he knows not to wait up

Yes. Although sometimes it's just a rough idea, "you're on your own for dinner" or "late one, don't wait up"

We both have pretty set work schedules so it is always assumed it is that (no need to message). If it will be alter though we will 100% let each other know. Why wouldn't you!?

Yes and no. If I know for sure how long I’ll be/what time I’ll be home then sure, I let him know. But if I honestly don’t know then I tell him that. I don’t like to feel like I have to rush back, or can’t make an impromptu stop somewhere without letting him know my every move. It’s too suffocating and I give him the same courtesy back. Sometimes he’s an hour late home from work because he’s decided to stop at the supermarket. I don’t want him to think he has to update me for something as simple as this. We’re both grown adults and don’t need to be aware 100% of the time where the other is.

I think when you are a couple it’s basic courtesy, but when you have DC it’s even more than that - it’s a responsibility.

We tend to, like many other posters just out of courtesy. Sometimes on a proper night out I'd say it'll be a late one. If either of us were worried we'd text just to check all is ok.

DH works late most of the time but we usually just keep in touch so we can sort logistics with the kids etc. I don't really understand if you care enough about someone to live with them then you wouldn't be bothered to extend basic courtesy to them. It's not about checking up, it's about a million other things.

Agree with Notcontent, it definitely is more a responsibility with kids.

Yes so he doesn’t fret and so he can put the kettle on, it’s just courtesy.
He’ll phone me from about an hour away so I can time supper etc.

We would rarely go out late without each other except maybe book clubs and he’ll collect me, so needs to know rough time.

Yes if we are in the same house.

Polite isn't it? An impacts on dinner or other plans.