Am I a CF for doing this?

[cinemawishes]

I want to go out with a few friends in a about two weeks time, haven't done in a while and really need to socialise. Ex lives 10 mins away and thought of asking him to babysit? I'll leave around 7pm, so the kids will be in bed anyway and I'll be back around 10pm. I thought of a babysitter, but the thought of having a stranger in my house looking after my dc makes me uncomfortable.

So AIBU to ask ex? The problem is he's got a girlfriend that he lives with, so I'm a bit hesitant. I don't know how she will feel about it, and to be honest never met her. Only seen her outside my house when he dropped the kids off one day, but we've never actually spoken.

Has anyone done this before?

The girlfriend should be irrelevant.
Depends what your relationship is like with him generally I suppose, be prepared for him to say no, but can’t hurt to ask I suppose. I hope you can go to the ball as it were.

Is he their father? If yes, why not.

I think you need to get over having a 'stranger' look after your kids. You need to find a local babysitter and ideally not have to rely on your ex

Not a Cf at all. Aren’t you looking after the children every other Friday/Saturday night so he can do what he wants?

What is cheeky about asking someone to look after their own children?

Could you swap the nights he sees them instead? We do that with DSDs mum if either we or she has something happening; we’d rather care for her than a babysitter but wouldn’t feel that comfortable doing it at her house

Imo /e you are handing him power over your social life.

If he's their father then it's not babysitting, it's parenting.

He is the children's father? If yes, then why would you be thought to be cheeky for asking the children's own father to parent them? Do you think it's your job to always parent the children that both of you created?
What his girlfriend thinks does not matter. She is not the father of the children and she is not being asked to parent them.

Erm he's their dad, right? That's not babysitting. That's called being a parent.

"I'm going out, you need to have the kids" 🤷🏼‍♀️

”I'm going out, you need to have the kids"

That doesn’t really work with a split family.

OP I would broach it and ask for a swap first.

Yes he's the dad. I know I shouldn't have used the word babysitting, I know he wouldn't mind. Just worried what the girlfriend will think of him coming to my house 2-4 times a month to look after the children 

It's not just him looking after the kids, it's more the frequency of him coming to my house, worried she'll think I'm taking the piss or something like that.

I would suggest if /when your nights out include a dp he will refuse.

Does your ex see the children a decent amount of time?

Can't he take them overnight

If it's 2-4 times a month, you need to find a regular babysitter you can trust. They will only be a stranger the first time you use them. There are many trained childcare professionals who offer evening babysitting.

Ask around for recommendations.

Otherwise ask to swap evenings, but be prepared he might prefer to have the dcs at his house.

Fuck what she thinks, he's their father.

He sees them twice a week after school and drops them at mine at 6pm, and has them overnight from Friday to Saturday

Do you have a formal contact schedule?

Can't the kids sleep at his?
Can you organise your nights out round his access? or organise his access around your nights out?
It is not at all unreasonable on a basic level but I think it is very likely that his DP may see this as something it is not. How would you feel in that position?

Does he not have overnight visits with his DC?

It would be normal to do 50/50 custody if he lives 10 mins away. Unless there's a huge backstory of him being abusive?

Just worried what the girlfriend will think of him coming to my house 2-4 times a month to look after the children

Well yeah to be fair I'd find that a bit weird. It shouldn't be babysitting and it shouldn't be at your house. It should just be 'going to dad's'.

Sorry cross post.

In that case I would be happy to ask for a one off but wouldn’t expect him to come to yours on a regular basis

Can't the children go round to his house for the night?