Am I a CF for doing this?

[cinemawishes]

I want to go out with a few friends in a about two weeks time, haven't done in a while and really need to socialise. Ex lives 10 mins away and thought of asking him to babysit? I'll leave around 7pm, so the kids will be in bed anyway and I'll be back around 10pm. I thought of a babysitter, but the thought of having a stranger in my house looking after my dc makes me uncomfortable.

So AIBU to ask ex? The problem is he's got a girlfriend that he lives with, so I'm a bit hesitant. I don't know how she will feel about it, and to be honest never met her. Only seen her outside my house when he dropped the kids off one day, but we've never actually spoken.

Has anyone done this before?

But also strongly recommend finding a trusted, reliable babysitter. It is truly liberating.

Can't you go out on a Friday night then?

As a one off I think it's fine to ask. Every other week, not so much.

My ex is the first person I ask if I need some child free time. He sees them eow anyway, but will often ask him to swap or to help if I need to work or go out

Might he not also have them one midweek evening/night per week?

Why can’t they stay at his that night?

How is that cheeky? And how on earth can the gf be entitled to object? She’s seeing a man with children. He’s looking after his children. He doesn’t get to be “not Dad” just because it’s not a scheduled time for contact?

How weird. I can honestly think of nobody better to be there for your kids, and think it really weird you’d consider paying someone to look after them if both parents are happy for the not-going-out one to be there.

I'd ask. The girlfriend can come too, can't she?

I am a childminder and I babysit too, there should be one in your area, there are websites to find them, or ask a few mums at school, they maybe able to help or point you in the right direction. Word of mouth or recommendation is the way to go.

Why can't they go to his ? Or organise your social life around his access.

Yes I don’t understand why they don’t just go to his. I would not ask him to go to yours. That is odd.

I don't see why they can't stay with him an extra night now and then instead of him having to come to your house, as long as you are both happy with that arrangement.

I know it’s a bit radical, but can’t you just talk to him about it? Assuming he’s not an arse or abusive, sound him out, see how he feels about it and go from there. You’re both entitled to a social life, so why not see what you can work out between you?

If he doesn’t think you’re a CF, it really doesn’t matter what the AIBU Collective thinks.

You can’t ask him to babysit 2-4 times a month a your house imo. Why can’t you socialise with your friends fri-sun when he has the kids overnight. It would be more sensible to change the access arrangements so he has them overnight 1 night in the week and drops a night at the weekend if it has to be a regular mid week event.

Why not change the overnight that week? He has them Saturday lunch til Sunday afternoon?!

Could they stay over at his? Or could you say you have no issue with gf coming along to babysit as they’ve met your children already.

Your post talks about a 1 off event with friends but then you say 2-4times a month? Big difference there. If he has them overnight every week why not go out that night?

Why can’t they go to his?

I don't understand - why aren't you socialising every Friday night if he has the DC overnight then?

Why not go out on a Friday night?

The thing is not everyone in the group can go out Friday night, but I think I'm just gonna ask to swap days. So if I'm going out Saturday night or Sunday , I'll just ask him to have them on those days instead of Friday night. Didn't even think about that thanks.

I dont get why he'd be coming to you?
We have SS 50/50 and ask Mum if she wants to have him on our days if going out and she does the same. If not we arrange other childcare.

My ex babysits for my three (only the youngest is his, that's why I call it babysitting)

Alternatively try sitters.co.uk all the babysitters on there are experienced, DBS checked and have reviews. I've used four or five from there and been delighted with all of them (my oldest have SEN too so they can be a handful)

To all those people nonchalantly suggesting the OP hires a babysitter. Err at £5 an hour then, so approx £25 on top of the cost of a night out. On an average single parent income? What planet are you Mumsnetters living on???

Of course a babysitter is an expense. I'd say, however, finding someone you can trust to mind your children, on occasion, on a paid basis is a necessity. So that you have options, especially as a single parent.