Age to leave teenagers alone? WDYD

[PookieDo]

I have a 16DD and 14DD. Same father but only the eldest visits/stays the night once a week. I have only one accessible babysitter but who doesn’t drive and doesn’t have space in their own house for DD14 to sleep. Either DD(s) would have to sleep on the floor at their house or they have to stay all night at mine (as can’t get themselves home).

I leave them alone during the day in the holidays, and evenings if I am working, have to go out (shops, swimming etc). They are fine alone during these times.

I have never left them overnight. I’ve been invited to my work Xmas do and this will be a late night or possible stay in a hotel about 10 miles away

I could ask the babysitter option but DD’s don’t feel they need one as they ‘old enough’ but is 14 old enough really? What would you all do

Is there anyone you know well and trust who would be prepared to stay overnight at your house, if you cannot get home? The sixteen year old is probably old enough to be left but I think the fourteen year old isn't, in any case they might be nervous.

What about their dad, could he stay?

It would be nice for you to have a night away without them, a rare treat so do try and work something out.

Why can't the babysitter get a taxi home?

At 16 and 14 I think they are old enough with strict ground rules, but it depends on whether you think they can be trusted to not have a party or suchlike. But they must not tell their friends that you are out or it will go on social media and you could have allsorts knocking on their door.

If you think they can be trusted. Can you get a friend to pop around to check on them in the evening. Do you have nice neighbours who will keep an eye on them and help them if there are any problems power cut, leak etc.

Lots of people will come on and tell you it would be fine. Personally I wouldnt leave them overnight and would get a cab back late myself.

You know your daughters best. Are they generally sensible and responsible? Would they know what to do in an emergency? Would your 16y/o feel comfortable keeping an eye on the 14 y/o?

My mum and dad went travelling around the USA for 2 weeks one Easter break when I was 16, and my sister was 14. My 18 y/o brother was "left in charge". He was pretty much absent for the 2 weeks seeing his friends, and me and my sister just got on with it. We were sensible, independent kids and it wasn't a problem. I'm sure your daughters could handle one night if they sound similar.

My parents used to both work nights when I was 14. I was fine in that I survived, but I didn’t see it was good parenting and I was often quite scared in a big house alone all night. A few years later, someone tried to break in during the early hours of the morning when I was home alone. It was especially frightening being that I was a teenager and in the house on my own.

It’s different in your case, having a 16 year old but I don’t think I’d be leaving them unless both are extremely responsible and truly comfortable with it.

They can be trusted not to have a party
I do actually have nice neighbours who could help (if they were home!)

As for the babysitter - they don’t live locally really, don’t drive and wouldn’t want to get a cab after about 10pm so they end up staying over (fine but somewhat awkward as they have to sleep in my bed)

Youngest will not stay with Dad so for months I basically cannot go anywhere or do much of anything!

That’s parenthood I’m afraid. I wouldn’t leave them alone overnight personally.

My own are 20 & 16 and last year when I went away for one night my then 15 year old stayed in my parents. A few weeks ago I had one night away with friends & it was the first time I’d left them both overnight on their own. My parents live 2 mins away so they kept an eye.

We have 16 and 14 year DS's and leave them on their own daytime and evenings. Not entirely comfortable with leaving them overnight. I think it's unlikely mine would have party or friends round particularly as we live semi rural so not much public transport but I just feel my 14 year old is a bit too young not to have an adult in house overnight. My sis stayed over on the one rare night we spent away.
But it is borderline ages, depends on your DDs really, and if you can trust them to be sensible. If a neighbour can keep an eye on them and is agreeable to be a point of contact for them if they needed an adult through the night then I would consider leaving them, though would prefer to have someone actually in the house.

The babysitter could surely stay overnight in your bed if you were in a hotel?

How do your DDs feel about it? If they don't feel they can cope, they probably won't, regardless of whatever we write on here.

They don’t want a babysitter which is why I am wondering about ages. Whether I am being over protective or normal!

Accept having zero freedom is part of parenting

Could they sleep over at friends' houses? Then they aren't being babysat as such, but they aren't home alone either.

I'd be very confused if at 14 and 16 my parents thought me and my sister needed babysitters.

At that age (which wasn't too long ago!!) we spent 4 evening/nights a week alone because my mum worked nights, we made dinner for ourselves and everything, no problem. We knew we could get the neighbours for help!! Never needed to, though. (Me and my sister were the same ages with the same age gap, I'm the youngest!!)

I left mine alone for one night when DD1 was 16 and DD2 was 11. I wasn't very far away and we came back straight after breakfast the next day to find them both still in bed! I felt it was a good way to start giving DD1 a bit more responsibility.

Surely at that age they have can a sleepover with friends

I first left mine at 13, BUT, with an industrial strength back up plan covering everything.
Now she's 17, I think nothing of it, she's perfectly capable.

They don’t seem to want a sitter. I am obviously wracked enough with parental guilt to not want to cause them any emotional harm of any kind and putting them in any awkward positions so I can have a night out.

Also the babysitter who would sleep in my bed is my mother. There is a long standing issue with babysitting which involves sitting on the sofa for hours watching TV eating all the food whilst the kids occupy themselves and when I get back it’s a complete chaotic tip. She uses every cup and plate in the house. She also complains about everything in my house nothing is comfortable, the lights are too dark/bright, I never have XYZ available for her, she will complain if I am out too long. She’s also scared the children a few times by claiming to hear ‘weird noises’ and once convinced them I had had an accident nearby (don’t ask, it was weird). I also have to drive her here and back again and overall I appreciate I am asking her for a favour and am grateful she obliges me but it can end up being more hassle than it’s worth!

Mine are 13 (almost 14) and 15 (almost 16). I leave them on the odd evening. But I wouldn’t leave them overnight because they are almost def but to be trusted and would have a huge party 😬

If it's only 10 miles away I'd enjoy my shindig then get a taxi home

Just get taxi home after the party

I'd just get a taxi home after the party too. (if the party is dire, this also gives you a "get away" clause!)

I would do it but leave it open ended that you may be coming home/ May stay overnight. Tell them you'll text them at midnight and let them know your plans. It's so tempting to have friends over when parents are away at that age and it can get out of hand so quickly.

If they’re sensible girls that won’t have a party or fight with each other, then they’re old enough to be left overnight on their own as they’re happy enough doing that. You’re only 10 miles away should they need you and have good neighbours. It seems like a good, first, overnight to me.

However, unless I was hoping to have a night of adult fun 😂 I’d just get a taxi home, 10 miles shouldn’t be too expensive and certainly cheaper than a hotel.

Whatever you do, don’t involve your mother!