AIBU - calling me scum means you’re GONE

[NinjaTurtleMikey]

My OH has been argumentative for 2 days (not the first time) and this morning we had a disagreement about weaning baby and he called me scum in front of the baby and my 10yo. I’m so fed up. Yesterday I was a bitch and a cow for not instantly following his directions.
I left my 10yo’s father due to arguments and OH/ex upset me and the kids today so I’m just done. I just told him to leave, which he did after some more shouting. He told my 10yo off for banging his head against his knees - I’ve never seen him do that before and it’s obviously because of the actions of this vile prick. He has a go at me saying I’m controlling whenever I don’t do as hit says! He tells me I don’t let him speak when I’m just not letting him finish interrupting me!

Am I seriously being the selfish cunt cow bitch? Baby’s been saying dada and I feel like I’m breaking the family up again.

I do not accept arguing in front of kids, I’ve had lifelong anxiety problems from having my parents scream at each other in ear shot. All I’m ever saying is to stop shouting at me.

Just send him packing.
Your 10 year old is crying out for help. Sort him out instead of this twat that your with.

Speaking as a stepdad, there's a level of trust involved which makes the level to which he upset your 10yr old even less tolerable.

That's almost irrelevant - I'd say you were justified leaving him even without considering that factor.

Get rid of him pronto!

He sounds awful. There is no excuse for using that language towards you. YADNBU. Please get out, for your children’s sake.

I have to go to an appointment in an hour and I’m worried he’ll come out when we leave as he’s likely only gone to the neighbours having no car keys. He strikes me as the person to demand to see or take the baby despite having nowhere to take him and being unwelcome in my house.

This isn’t the first time he’s been verbally or emotionally abusive to me and I always apologise to keep the peace.

I’m in the bathroom and heard my son say something, I jumped to the door with my heart pounding thinking he’d somehow come back but he was talking to me. I can’t let it be this way. The doors are locked.

One of my very few memories of my parents together (dad died when I was 7) is of them screaming at each other. I have a lifelong dread of arguments and I'm sure it comes from this.

Dump the abusive arsehole.

Get rid

If at all possible cancel your appointment/ take the children with you or tell whoever is babysitting your children NOT to let anyone into the house not ANYONE. (You must have someone looking after them while you are out of the house?)

Ring a locksmith and change the locks asap. Do NOT let him back in. Put his possessions into black bin bags and either arrange for someone to be with you when he collects them (specify date and time), or drop them down to the bugger from an upstairs window.

Your DS is showing signs of deep distress if he is repetitively banging his head off his knees. You MUST protect him, and your baby.

It's your home and you don't have to give him access. Call the police if necessary.

Am I seriously being the selfish cunt cow bitch?

No, absolutely not. He sounds vile and yes, dump him asap.

Let your children see you choose happiness op.
You’ve done nothing wrong and deserve to be respected.
Stay on here for support you are so doing the right thing x

Can you miss the appointment? Is there someone who can cone and be with you? I totally agree about changing the locks asap.

Stay strong, you are doing the right thing. You aren't breaking the family up, he is doing that with his behaviour. You are just protecting your kids.

Lots of warning bells here. Get him out!

As a op said, kicking him out isn't breaking up the family it's protecting your little family. Your baby won't miss having that vile person in their life.

Dump him! My parents use to shout and scream at each other all the time in front of me and it’s left me with decades of anxiety

Cancel your appointment unless your life depends on making it, and call the locksmiths instead. Ask them to change the locks and then put reinforcements on all the doors and windows. They will often do a free security check of your house if you ask them.

Secondly call a friend or a family member and ask them to stay with you for a few days, the support will be good for you.

You are not breaking up your family, you are protecting them for an abusive man.

Lastly, and I would absolutely consider this, call the police and tell them how scared you are and consider a restraining order. You do not need to live in this much fear.

Call the locksmith and a good friend op. You have done the right thing. He has treated you with such contempt. Your ten year old will need some help getting over this by the sound of it, speak to the school when you return. A counsellor may be available to help.

Is your appointment vital? Can you postpone and get some advice from relevant agencies - Womens Aid springs to mind.

My ex used to treat me this way. I left six years ago. I will never forget the feeling of elation and relief that ending my marriage gave me. Please free yourself, OP.

Sorry to be the one to say this, but you can't stop him seeing his kid. Unless he is a real danger to the baby then you can't just cut him out and refuse access. You also can't just take the house.

End it. But get legal advice as soon as possible to sort out finances and access.

You are not scum, a bitch or a cow. Vile horrible abusive man. Chuck him out and be happy. What a thing to say to the mother of his child! I see you are already starting to doubt yourself so get rid now before he destroys your self esteem completely and ruins dc s life.

Cancel the appointment -change all the locks.

You're done.

You aren't breaking up a family, HE IS!!!! It is his behaviour that has forced you into kicking him out.

Per Ohyesiam..."Let your children see you choose happiness op". A simple yet powerful lesson. Beautifully put!

You can arrange contact centres for access in due course, this can be sorted out through the courts.

You stay in your home, change the locks and get some legal advice to protect both you and your children. The best place to start is Womens Aid for support and guidance.

Are you okay op?