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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To uninvite kids from halloween party?

86 replies

upsideup · 24/10/2018 10:08

DS(9) is having a Halloween party at the weekend. Its a kids Halloween party so its not going to be inappropriately terrifying but the house will be dark and decorated to be scary.

Our friends are organising the party for ds and have spent lots of time/money making the house look over the top and organising games for the party. Parents of two of the kids have said they are coming but one is scared of the dark so can we make sure there are lights on and the the other can easily have nightmares so doesn't want to be scared. Theres no way we can make sure there are lights on and nothing scary without ruining the halloween party for DS and all the other kids and scraping all the work our friends have put into organising it.

AIBU to say that it will be scary and dark so if they can't cope with that then they probably just shouldn't come?

DS has been inviting to a rock climbing party but he hates heights so I said he wouldn't be able to go, wouldn't dream of suggesting they change the party to not involve heights so DS is able to join in.

OP posts:
Notjustanyone · 24/10/2018 11:20

Seriously? Are people that fucking cheeky? It's a Halloween party of course it's meant to be scary & dark. How do these people manage with day to day life?!
I wish I was coming to the party op as it's sounds brilliant! I love being scared & I love Halloween!

CookPassBabtridge · 24/10/2018 11:24

I am always astounded at peoples bare faced cheek on here. 

Quartz2208 · 24/10/2018 11:24

Just say that its a halloween party and whilst you would love to have them there maybe elements that are scary and dark so its up to them you entirely understand if they dont come

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/10/2018 11:25

@upsideup - you aren't uninviting or excluding anyone - you have made the invitation, and it is the parents' choice whether to let their children come. You're doing nothing wrong whatsoever - you just can't please all of the people all of the time - nor should you feel you have to!

Figgygal · 24/10/2018 11:26

Lol what Cheek your plan sounds fine and fair

Enjoy the party I always loved a Halloween party when I was a kid

RedDrink · 24/10/2018 11:28

They are being cheeky. What did they expect from a Halloween party?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 24/10/2018 11:28

YANBU - I mean, don't uninvite them, I don't think you need to do that - but you should definitely tell them that you're not going to change the party for their offsprings' benefit, so either they try it and they can go home if they don't like it, or they give it a miss, which would be a shame because, y'know, if they tried it they might actually enjoy themselves.

VioletCharlotte · 24/10/2018 11:28

FFS. This reminds me of a Halloween party we had when my DC we're young. One child of 8 (who's v overprotective Dad insisted ok staying ) was frightened of the dark and the music. So, knowing that, why bring him to a Halloween party??

I'd just say it's a Halloween party, it will be dark, so of they think it'll be too scary, then best they don't come.

Have fun! I love Halloween parties 🎃👻

eddielizzard · 24/10/2018 11:29

No they don't get to dictate your party. Tell them what it will be, give them the option, but don't change anything.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/10/2018 11:29

Just tell them you’ve organised everything now around the house being dimly lit. Reassure them it will be totally age appropriate silly scariness and suggest they bring torches or one of those light up thingys for the children. I wouldn’t rescind the invitation.

NorthernKnickers · 24/10/2018 11:30

I also wouldn't be suggesting that they come and sit in another room either...I mean, what would be the actual point of that anyway, and it would also need supervising by another adult! So no! They either come and 'be scared' or don't come (best option I'm guessing!).

Some things I'd definitely accommodate (food allergies being one). But overly anxious children are very difficult to support at a big party if their parents disappear. And I say this as a mother of one such child...she missed a lot of parties when she was younger!

ShalomJackie · 24/10/2018 11:31

My son never liked fireworks so our friends wqould all go to the display and we would meet them after at whoever's turn it was to do the chili, hotdogs etc after (ie. after the scary bit).

It is a Halloween party - if they are scared or likely to be they should decline!

I think you need to just say I am afraid that the theme is Halloween and will be spooky but if you think your children will not be comfortable with that theme we completely understand if they can't make it this time.

NorthernRunner · 24/10/2018 11:33

What a CF 😂 some people are unbelievable.

I would just say something along the lines of... ‘ I would hate child x and y to be upset. This is what we have planned...Perhaps we should arrange to meet up next weekend and do something else?’

Vampiratequeen · 24/10/2018 11:36

Have to admit that s made me laugh a little. I have always been scared of the dark but love spooky parties, my DD(4) is also scared of the dark but loved the ghost train at the fun fair. In a room with other people and lots of fun isn't the same as in a room on your own. Just tell them that it is a Halloween party and will be dark and spooky and you understand if the kids no longer want to come. Why would you even agree to take a kid to a Halloween party if they are scared, the mind boggles. Halloween Confused

Orchiddingme · 24/10/2018 11:49

Why say let's meet up at another time unless they are really good friends?

It's a party invite, if they don't fancy it, fine.

Definitely clarify you won't be able to have the lights on at a Halloween party!

AllTakenSoRubbishUsername · 24/10/2018 11:53

You can't really uninvite them! Why not decorate cute rather than scary Halloween (nothing too ghoulish) generally and have the lights low rather than very low, then choose one room where you 'dare' whatever kids want to go in there, which is really creepy and full of skeletons etc. Then the children can choose. Also make the games friendly like doughnuts on a string, things in jelly etc rather than too gross.

Regnamechanger · 24/10/2018 11:55

I don't think I'd be quite as helpful because there is a danger the parents have organised a nice night out and will still try to dump and run. I'd say something like - It's all set up to be a suitably scary Halloween party, so the house will be quite dark and we plan some things that will make them jump and feel happily frightened. It wouldn't be the same with the lights on, such a shame but obviously not right for your two. Let's meet up for a play in the park one day soon instead".

Regnamechanger · 24/10/2018 11:56

"You can't really uninvite them! Why not decorate cute rather than scary Halloween (nothing too ghoulish) generally and have the lights low rather than very low, then choose one room where you 'dare' whatever kids want to go in there, which is really creepy and full of skeletons etc. Then the children can choose. Also make the games friendly like doughnuts on a string, things in jelly etc rather than too gross."
Yes... why don't you re-organise all the fun stuff you have planned for the party and make it perfect for just two children?

Fundays12 · 24/10/2018 11:56

Tell the mum it’s a Halloween party and will be dark etc and if she doesnt feel her kids would enjoy it maybe it’s best she doesn’t take them.

Solenti · 24/10/2018 11:57

People are bloody ridiculous sometimes GrinHmm.
There are some great suggestions for messages here; don't offer alternatives like tv, you give an inch and you will be accommodating the child with a non Halloween menu in a seperate room with a non spooky party bag and all sorts. Have a great party!!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/10/2018 11:58

Why should the OP have to change their party to suit a couple of the invitees, @AllTakenSoRubbishUsername? And she wouldn't actually BE uninviting them - she'd simply be saying 'Sorry, this is what the party is going to be like' and letting the parents choose whether their child attends or not.

As she said in her OP - her ds has been invited to a rock climbing party, but is afraid of heights - so he's not going to go - she wouldn't dream of expecting the party to be changed to suit her child!

If you were hosting a Bonfire Night party, and someone said 'my child is afraid of fire and fireworks, can you change the party to suit them?' would you really do away with the bonfire and the fireworks, or would you conclude they were a cheeky fucker, and that you were going to have the party you wanted?!

Regnamechanger · 24/10/2018 12:00

I hope you're going to do all the stuff where you blindfold them and pass around the witch's eyeball (a boiled egg) and let them put their hands in her brains (a bowl of jelly) and all those wonderful things that they will be happily terrified about until the lights go up. Grin

Yura · 24/10/2018 12:02

I’ve just decline an invite - to see Santa at a place which I know will be very, very crowded - because my oldest doesn’t like very busy places. I didn’t ask the host to arrange a private invite for a less crowded time, which is would be the equivalent of what these parents asked you to do. very cheeky!

BruegelTheElder · 24/10/2018 12:04

That's like accepting an invite to a soft play party and then messaging the mum to say "my children are scared of ball pools and slides so can you make sure there are none at they party?"

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 24/10/2018 12:06

"Its a kids Halloween party so its not going to be inappropriately terrifying but the house will be dark and decorated to be scary."

Say this ^^ as you have said in your OP.

Then they can decline or not, on that basis. Are the parents invited? (though tbh I bet you a million pounds they'd be there turning the lights on)

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