Night time help

[Mimi2018]

Hi

AIBU to stand firm in saying to my husband that he should absolutely help me out with our daughter who is 5months during the night a few days in the week?

His argument is that he is working 9-5 and has to wake up at 7am and he needs sleep and it's not fair on him that he has to wake up to help me then wake up for work.. he also argues that as I am breastfeeding there's not much he can do.

My argument back to this is that how so many other fathers who are directors and have senior jobs help their wives?? And regarding the breastfeeding that is not an excuse just because I breastfeed doesn't mean he cannot help with other things such as nappy change, rocking baby back to sleep, help massage baby's belly when she has a lot of air etc

Furthermore all I expect is for him to at least help with the night care on Fridays and Saturday as there is no work so no excuse??

Please let me know if i am being unreasonable..

Thanks!

Teddyisahe - so true!

Regarding naps during the day LO naps when I take her out in the push chair and when she's at home she will have two naps however these naps are not consistent in length they can range from 2 hours on a good day and 20mins on bad

I think the reason why I am frustrated is coz LO does not sleep well at night she wakes up every hour either for feed or coz she's got wind or teething and the point I'm making is with the latter on the weekends and maybe one day during the week my husband can get up and help with burping cycling legs massage rocking to sleep

Just feel my husband only gets to enjoy LO when it's easy I.e during the day when she's good

For teething give anbesol liquid early on so the baby gets a good night-time feed, nurofen on particularly bad nights - again give it early so you can get a good feed in before sleep. Have you had the baby's latch checked, as a little wind is normal but not as much as you describe? Or is the baby crying a lot and that's causing the wind? Fixing the main sleep issues is what you need, then some extra naps.

In my opinion there's no point in both of you getting up as it'll stimulate the baby and be counterproductive. You're better off planning for a long sleep on Saturday and getting your DH to cook dinner etc during the week.

I've seen before where couples share the load by one of them goes to bed early - say 8pm
Then the other takes over past 12-1am. That way both of you have had a reasonable amount of sleep.

I see the point about BF (if baby does not FF) but also see yours about how he can help in other ways.

My DP didn't really help much with the night shifts as he works 7am - 7pm, 6 days a week. Plus he isn't one who can run off little sleep, where as I could. But sometimes I'd wake him to change a nappy or a cuddle.

I can remember how frustrating it can be when you feel like you are doing it alone. When he's not working, perhaps he could give you a nice long lay in - I found this so helpful

Good Luck OP, hope you figure something out

My baby is 7 weeks and I do all the nights become my husband works and I'm at home but I can never sleep in the day and I get about 4-5 broken sleep a night.
I told him he had to choose a night a week to have her (we're separate rooms ) for the sake of my mental health!
I'm now working one day a week and he has her the night Before.
I think it's totally fair your other half could have yours Friday or Saturday.
Why do u get no sleep at 5 months though? How much is yours awake?

my DH actually did alternate nights with me when we had DD1 and DD2 2 under 2. he was in his mid thirties and the vice ceo or something like that of his parents business (not small) and ceo of the business he had established abroad ( went there once a month). he did it for all of our sanity for years until they slept through really. Did feel a bit hard done by and resentful though but i still cite him as a shiny beacon of feminist coparenting. for DD3 though now, he warned me in advance that he cant do it now (5 years later) as he basically took over and also kind of wasnt sure about number 3 so this one is a bit on me. he still makes tries to pressure me into having a night nurse twice a week (i try only once) and pays for help so i can have a proper nap every day.
so yeah: he can do it!

rgd breastfeeding i stopped at 4 mnth old as by then their immune system is functional. but before that i would express obviously. having some broken sleep every other night really is survivable for him, others go out maybe 3 times a week or binge watch tv till late so...i get a bit annoyed when men all of a sudden hold on so terribly to their 8 hr beauty sleep when they used to brag about staying out till late. also i dont agree with the whole- you can nap during the day. i guess you have a ton of household stuff to do during the day and anyway some babies dont nap well and only on arms. mine still never had more than a 45 min nap

Thanks all for you input and advice - appreciated.

Of course, you are being unreasonable. You are breastfeeding the baby needs YOU. If he got up to help that's two of you awake. You can catch rest in the day. He cant. Babyhood doesn't last forever. I have brought up 4. This is a temporary time and very special. You are giving your baby the best and most loving start. Keep up the good work. A healthy baby is worth a few broken nights

YANBU. DD is FF so it's a bit different but when she was waking up more than once a night we took it in turns, and when it was just once a night we did every other night.