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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DHs criticism of DS

34 replies

queenofgoogle · 23/10/2018 14:43

Our son aged 7 is plays twice weekly at a team sport(footy) Hes been playing since a young age and loves it.
DH is also a big fan of the sport and loves taking him to training and matches.
However during a match he will follow on the sidelines and stand as close as possible yo where ever our son is positioned and tells and shouts the entire time. The way he does this is awful. He will say things like:
Oh my god what the hell was that!?
What are you doooinggg!
Get over there/here
pay attention!
I sometimes tell DS to pay attention if he starts messing about or if he misses a goal or gets tackled etc, I'll clap and say never mind, or good try now back to it etc...
I try to encourage him.
AIBU in wanting my DH not to go to matches because he brings our DS down, he plays much better when DH is too far to shout or he hasn't come for whatever reason.
I explain to DH but he says I don't understand the sport so no point me saying anything to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
queenofgoogle · 23/10/2018 14:46

tells = yells

OP posts:
JellieEllie · 23/10/2018 14:49

I think there are two types of men in this world. The ones who like football and the ones who live it.
I honestly don't think your DH probably intends to come across as being mean he's probably in the heat of the moment.
I've heard many a grown men screaming atrocities at the tv during a football game.
However acting like this at a game for 7 year olds is slightly extreme.
I would just ask him to tone it down a little if he's to continue coming.
My brothers dad was the exact same as this when we were kids, he used to bribe my brother a £1 for every goal he scored. It did work; my brother now plays semi professional and says it's because he was pushed so hard as a kid in the game he loves.

DameFanny · 23/10/2018 14:54

This is why I can't stand football - it's the sound of male aggression. Ugh. Yanbu.

florafawna · 23/10/2018 14:55

Go big/go home!

Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 14:56

For goodness sake, tell him not to do that! So embarrassing for your son.

HollowTalk · 23/10/2018 14:57

I've seen grown men behaving appallingly on the sidelines. It's one thing at a professional match - though I bet the players realise that every man there thinks they could play a better game - but when it's children who are playing, that sort of behaviour should be stopped. It's just outright bullying. It's one thing encouraging someone but constantly moaning at what they're doing won't help anyone play better.

DollyWilde · 23/10/2018 14:58

Yeah, that’s not appropriate with kids at all. I’ve heard my DH say some atrocious stuff at professional matches but even he has the good sense to reign it in when we’re watching my nephews play Hmm

DollyWilde · 23/10/2018 14:58

(Perhaps it would be different with our own kids mind...)

Troels · 23/10/2018 14:58

When my Ds was in a team sport anyone yelling anything that wasn't a happy, well done message was asked to leave the field, and no one was allowed to run the sidelines. I was very grateful for that, we had good team managers.
Tell your Dh to cool it and sit and watch or he will put your Ds off team sport for life, he's being horrible, he has a coach and it's not him. If you know your Dh will react badly just ask the coach to speak to all parents about all the negative shit being yelled at the kids from the sidelines and to stop.

BrookCreek · 23/10/2018 14:59

My sons are both grown up now but I hated those days of taking them to play football. Both DH and I used to cringe at the other parents. Grown men yelling at children. Kids who are always made to feel they are a disappointment.
Also to be fair many of the mothers were just as bad.
Does your DH realise quite how strongly you feel? Could you take over the football run?

ThatWouldBeNO · 23/10/2018 15:02

Parents who behave and shout like that are banned here.

Ohyesiam · 23/10/2018 15:03

Could you get the coach to have a word? Say that it’s bad for your sons game ?
This happened at our local rugby club i believe .

Mandarine · 23/10/2018 15:08

Oh my god, OP, there are so many dads like this and it’s hideous.

The ultimate “spectator dad” that I ever witnessed was at a primary school sports day. Everyone else was just sat there chatting, but when this tosser’s son began in the 200m, he started shouting with a full-on megaphone - “Eyes on the finish line...breathe...stay focused....go go GO!” He also had a wooden spinning thing (a klaxon)? It was the most cringe thing and nobody could believe it and what made it worse was that the poor child got cramp and had to limp off.

What I would do with your DH is -

a) tell him in no uncertain terms to reign it in because he looks like a total nob

b) film him doing it with your phone so he can see for himself

Good luck. Otherwise just ban him from the matches if you possibly can.

theWarOnPeace · 23/10/2018 15:08

Can you tell him from me to STFU please? When my son is playing, and one of the dads just can’t reign in their rage, it stresses everyone out and upsets all of the kids. Not least the poor sod that’s being directly screamed at. He’s been told to calm down loads of times, but it just escalates back up every week until he’s told again. He’s a savage. No excuse for screaming at kids, and over a sport is just ridiculous. Parents must protect their kids, both physically and mentally - even if that is from the other parent!

MindBodyChocolate · 23/10/2018 15:17

How embarrassing - for everyone except, it seems, your DH. Please tell him to reign it in, or he risks putting your DS right off his sport, but also alienating every sane parent there who doesn't feel the need to do this.

SushiMonster · 23/10/2018 15:26

What a plonker. How embarrassing for you, and awful for your son.

RB68 · 23/10/2018 15:27

Send him with a piece of gaffer tape I say - disgusting behaviour at a kids match. I don't care if he has potential to play for Man U - he is 7

XJerseyGirlX · 23/10/2018 15:30

Tell your DH that the other dads and mums have been sniggering at him and its embarrassing you and your son. He might stop then if he feels like he is looking silly.

Bluetrews25 · 23/10/2018 15:31

Perhaps the coach should take off the field any players whose parents are OTT shouting.....might get the message across more quickly and effectively! (But appreciate it's not vastly fair to the DCs.)
Just suggesting....

XJerseyGirlX · 23/10/2018 15:31

Plus, its bullying and at 7 years old its just a game. Suggest he joins his own football team then you and DS stand there shouting what a wally he is and how crap he is. He might get the message

user1486915549 · 23/10/2018 15:33

Ask the coach to have a word with all the dads.
These dads create such a horrible atmosphere by going over the top.
Shouting is one thing but abuse is horrible.
Two dads in our village have been banned by the coach for fighting with one another at the under 8’s game ffs !

Topseyt · 23/10/2018 15:40

A parent who misbehaves on the touchline should be banned from it. Not really sure how that can happen every week in practical terms, but it would be the best thing really.

At my DD's sports club there are notices up around the pitch stating that the coaches are generally volunteers, the participants are young people and children, and reminding spectators they are not watching the Olympic final. It seems to work, although the sport isn't football, if that really makes a difference.

Professional football managers can be banned from the touchline. Why not arsehole parents who are effectively shouting abuse at kids?

Annandale · 23/10/2018 15:47

Tell him in no uncertain terms that he either restricts himself to clapping only, or he goes home. He needs to remember he is teaching his son how to manage his own emotions.

There are plenty of men who can't stand football or who aren't interested, thank God. In fact i've been around tge block a few times and i realise i've never been out with anyone who had more than the most cursory interest, and several who actively avoided it.

Original poster
queenofgoogle · 23/10/2018 16:03

I understand the passion involved and I know he wants his son to do well because he actually is quite talented at it and loves it however it's the fact that he's 7 that annoys me.
The other parents don't say much apart from the occasional clap and praising them after the match win or lose and I've pointed this out to DH but he claims 'Ds stands back until I start telling him to get stuck in'.
which is sometimes true but like I said he's 7.
I've spoken to him about it and he doesn't see it like it like I do.
I could have a word with the coach.
I take our other child to another sport most Saturdays so that leave DH to take DS to matches and he won't hear of swapping over.

OP posts:
Original poster
queenofgoogle · 23/10/2018 16:05

xjerseygirlx that's a good idea, I could just record him shouting at DSs matches and then replay it at one of DHs matches.

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