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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want PiL to know we are TTC#2

35 replies

TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 08:57

I'll try not to drip feed but also don't wanna overload with too much context!

(also haven't NC for this has don't wanna be mistaken for a troll seems there are like tons atm on MN! so hopefully wont get recognised. eeek)

DH and I have a 16m/o DS and for 12 months now been TTC#2. We've had no luck, having had 2 BFPs in this time both ending in CPs.

PiL have been dropping hints that they do not want us to have another child yet. They were never happy when we revealed our first pregnancy to them.

DH is now thinking we should let them know we are TTC#2 so they can perhaps prepare themselves for the blow of when we eventually are successful. I’ve told DH I’d rather them not know as I know all I will be getting now is constant remarks from them about how selfish I am being (never mind it is DH’s decision too!) and I feel that I already have enough stress without having them stressing me out too!

I’ve told DH this but he thinks telling them will be best seems I have told my parents and close friends. Difference being my parents are supportive! DM was lovely during my CPs and my DD is great at keeping me looking at positives. Similar being the case with my friends.

I suppose I cant stop him from talking to his parents but I am really getting worried now.

OP posts:
Starheart · 23/10/2018 09:01

Personally I wouldn't tell them . It's your private life and decision and your partner should tackle them on any negative comments they make at any point . Good luck on TTC.

Blanchedupetitpois · 23/10/2018 09:04

YADNBU. How rude and unpleasant of your PIL to make it clear they don’t approve of you having children! Of course you don’t want to tell them. And who cares if they’re shocked when they find out? That’s their weird and horrible hang up, not something you’re obliged to mitigate.

wobblebot · 23/10/2018 09:06

Would your DH be open to telling them after every time you've had sex, regardless of whether you hope the end result to be a child?? It's none of their business.

LiquoricePickle · 23/10/2018 09:07

It's none of their business. I'd wait and tell them when you get a positive and you're far enough among that you feel comfortable telling them. To be honest, whether they want you to wait or not is irrelevant.

MrsVietor · 23/10/2018 09:11

What's their problem???

I wouldn't tell them anything. You'll feel awkward and under pressure every time you see them.

RedDrink · 23/10/2018 09:11

PiL have been dropping hints that they do not want us to have another child yet. They were never happy when we revealed our first pregnancy to them.

Any particular reason for those attitudes? Most people are thrilled to have GC. Confused

I definitely wouldn't tell them.

Bluelady · 23/10/2018 09:15

Your husband's mad. It's none of their business.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 23/10/2018 09:18

The extra negativity and stress will not help you, I would not tell them, why do they think it's any of their business at all? Unless you're expecting them to look after the baby and it impacts on their lives?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 23/10/2018 09:19

Is there a backstory given you have mentioned drip feeding?
I can't see why it has anything to do with them otherwise.

Undercoverbanana · 23/10/2018 09:19

Your PIL are either overly-invested or are CFs. Do they not have lives of their own? Your life, not theirs. Their involvement in our life sounds a bit creepy. Your partner needs to grow up a bit.

Whipsmart · 23/10/2018 09:25

Why would you need to tell them? You'll just have to listen to their moaning and discouragement for longer. 6 months will be plenty!

RancidOldHag · 23/10/2018 09:29

I wouldn't tell them.

I wouldn't actually have told anyone, though I suppose if they're the people with whom you discuss your sex life, then adding a bit more detail is neither here nor there.

LucieMorningstar · 23/10/2018 09:36

I wonder if he’s already told them hence why you’re getting the comments, and him trying to get you to agree to tell them is his way of getting around that...

starfishmummy · 23/10/2018 09:37

I am wondering if there is some particular reason why the pils think they should have an opinion on the matter? Things like the OP and her husband living in their house or them supporting them financially. Either of these could potentially be a strain on the arrangements.

Otherwise they are CF

Singlenotsingle · 23/10/2018 09:41

What will they be like if you have twins? Shock But no, it's none of their business, and you'd only be inviting unpleasantness when it's not necessary.

Applebloom · 23/10/2018 09:48

Your DH wants to inform your pils that you are having unprotected sex for what?to prepare himself for the blow that they are still interfering arseholes??

BunsOfAnarchy · 23/10/2018 09:49

I find it odd that you're telling people you TTC.

Im missing the point maybe, personally id never tell anyone i was TTC, the most i ever said was 'maybe next year' if anyone ever asked when we were having kids. I dont get how its anyones business

I find what your DH is saying somewhat odd. Why do they need to prepare for the shock of having a second baby? Its not like they'll be the ones raising it!

Its all so weird to me! Tell DH to zip it.

HellonHeels · 23/10/2018 09:52

WTF?! YOur DH wants to inform his parents about your sex life? Eurgh.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 09:58

RedDrink well DS was unplanned and early on into our relationship. They just assumed we would have got an abortion and they were sorry for us to see us making the same mistake they did. (they are weirdly open about how they wish they didnt have DH's brother when they did). They do adore our DS now and MIL regularly has him once a week on her own choosing!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit I guess the backstory is that DH and I have actually only been together for 2.5 years and we are "speeding through life" and they do fear we are going too quick

BunsOfAnarchy It came up due to the CPs and I needed emotional support. My friends all have their own kids or are also actively trying or planning for the future so guess it just came up in convo

Thank you all, does seem like I shouldnt feel the need to tell them and DH is being a bit odd in wanting to here

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2018 10:02

I definitely wouldn’t tell them but am also wondering if there is s back story?

Knew a family with several kids. Out of work (one) and minimum wage (the other). Couldn’t afford mortgage, bills, food etc. Hit parents up big time every fortnight. Hit other relatives up frequently. Couldn’t understand why no one was thrilled when they added the next few. I am friends with the their parent. Funnily when they complained about people’s reactions (which they did to me) they failed to mention the backstory which I knew.

Not saying it’s the case with OP but giving example of why a parent may not be thrilled. Irrespective weird to discuss ttc with them though.

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2018 10:03

Cross post

PositivelyPERF · 23/10/2018 10:06

Tell him that his parents knowing would be so upsetting to you, that you’re worried you’re going to be thinking about them, every time you have sex. 😉 See if that gives him something to think about.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 10:06

HoppingPavlova okay so back story is we have only been together for 2.5 years, DS came along very early in our relationship. But we are now married and own our first house which we done without their financial support. I'm in a great career (much to PIL annoyance as I should be a SAHM) and DH earns a decent amount too. I do actually work only part time though, recently cut down my hours (still earning a good whack now) so I could spend more time with DS.

I think their frustration is from how quick we are doing everything? A so MIL cried to DH a few months back saying she hates how he has grown up too quick etc so maybe she misses her golden child?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 10:07

Hahaha PositivelyPERF love it

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 10:11

You could ask your husband not to tell his parents you are trying to conceive. I don't understand why he wants to or why they have opinions about what is essentially your business. It puts pressure on you which you can do without.

Btw I've known quite a few people who have tried for a year or so with no luck and then - bingo! So don't worry.

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