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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want PiL to know we are TTC#2

35 replies

TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 08:57

I'll try not to drip feed but also don't wanna overload with too much context!

(also haven't NC for this has don't wanna be mistaken for a troll seems there are like tons atm on MN! so hopefully wont get recognised. eeek)

DH and I have a 16m/o DS and for 12 months now been TTC#2. We've had no luck, having had 2 BFPs in this time both ending in CPs.

PiL have been dropping hints that they do not want us to have another child yet. They were never happy when we revealed our first pregnancy to them.

DH is now thinking we should let them know we are TTC#2 so they can perhaps prepare themselves for the blow of when we eventually are successful. I’ve told DH I’d rather them not know as I know all I will be getting now is constant remarks from them about how selfish I am being (never mind it is DH’s decision too!) and I feel that I already have enough stress without having them stressing me out too!

I’ve told DH this but he thinks telling them will be best seems I have told my parents and close friends. Difference being my parents are supportive! DM was lovely during my CPs and my DD is great at keeping me looking at positives. Similar being the case with my friends.

I suppose I cant stop him from talking to his parents but I am really getting worried now.

OP posts:

blackcat86 · 23/10/2018 10:16

Mil thinks he's growing up too fast? How old are you both? If you're old enough to get married, buy a house and build good careers then it sounds like you're both plenty old enough and probably in a better position than most to have another baby. I'd say fuck em personally. Don't tell them anything and have a chat with DH about their negative comments and lack of boundaries. They actually don't get to pass judgement on whether you have another baby or not. You don't ask them for anything by the sound of it so what a it got to do with them.

Original poster

TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 10:20

blackcat86 mid twenties so hardly young!

Rebecca36 thank you. Hoping this cycle is the lucky one as DC#2 due date will be around D's 2nd birthday!

OP posts:

Returnofthesmileybar · 23/10/2018 10:22

Prepare them for the blow that's such a weird thing to say Honestly I think telling people you are ttc is weird anyway, especially in your circumstances (i.e young toddler, it's not like you are together years with no kids and getting hounded by nosey relatives), it's like saying "We are having lots of unprotected sex". Say nothing, with their shitty attitude why would he want to share anything personal?

MimiSunshine · 23/10/2018 10:28

Don’t tell them, they’re not supportive now when it sounds like they suspect you’re TTC, so that won’t change once they know for a fact.

Good luck and I hope it happens for you soon.🤞🏼

Sleeplikeasloth · 23/10/2018 10:34

I hope I'm not out of line here, but I remember some of your previous posts, and you didn't sound like you and your husband are in a great place to have another baby from a MH perspective, right this moment. Maybe that's where they are coming from?

Original poster

TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 10:37

Sleeplikeasloth totally not out of line and actually completely fair point to raise. I'm back under my consultant and he's monitoring me and will continue to do so through pregnancy. I'm getting great support now. Also pretty sure most of my anxiety is down to TTC.

But PIL don't know about all that!

OP posts:

KC225 · 23/10/2018 10:37

Is your DH an only child? I know a couple, who are both only children and had one child, when their son said he and his wife were having another one they were shocked. Even now as much as they love the little one, they don't have the grandchildren together as they claim it is too much.

Another one for saying don't tell them. It sounds as if your DH is all about being fair, as in your parents knowing. Tell him, if you do get pregnant they will have 9 months to get used to the idea.

Original poster

TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 10:42

Not an only child KC225 but there is a decade between him and his older brother though!

OP posts:

Sleeplikeasloth · 23/10/2018 10:54

TwittleBee, glad you are getting some help. How is your husband doing?

Original poster

TwittleBee · 23/10/2018 11:00

Sleeplikeasloth he's actually completely back to his usual laidback and happy self. He eventually opened up to me, he was getting down about how he felt he wasn't doing the house quick enough for us and that was making him get frustrated with everything and everyone. But we've lowered our expectations and I've let him know there's no rush as our house is completely liveable without is being how we want it to look

OP posts:

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