To wish people would ask what the children need before buying them stuff?
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:11
I know I will probably come across as ungrateful, and honestly I should think I am a bit. Recently MIL has bought my 2 pre school age boys a lovely (expensive) pair of jeans each. I've managed to get the 3 yr old to wear them once (To visit mil) but I know he won't wear them again. The younger one spends the entire time pulling at his legs. She also bought them , again lovely, pjs each. Which would be great except I have already bought the exact same set for Christmas. Stbx came along with a thick fleece hoody for them, when they already have 2 each which are very warm and were gifts from other relatives which he knows about. Ds1 cried when he showed me his as he said "I didn't want it but Daddy chose it". So, he has 2 he will happily wear and this one he won't. I'm not going to argue with a 3 yr old when he's said from the start he doesn't want it.
I think it's lively that they like to buy things for the children but I do wish they'd buy stuff that they need, or at least that they like. It's very difficult to refuse as things are still awkward after splitting up.
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:14
I realise lots of people don't get bought anything. I would honestly rather nothing than the jeans (which I have spoken about several times.)
DillyDilly · 22/10/2018 22:20
If they were your family who were buying these items, would you be as ungrateful ?
Most kids, boys and girls, wear jeans - which is no doubt why your MIL bought them. The pj’s is a non issue - return the ones you bought.
Seems strange a 3 year old crying over a top - sounds to like you’re making a big deal out of your children’s close family buying the clothes and your kids have picked up on this.
You could always give the clothes to their Dad to keep at his house.
hazell42 · 22/10/2018 22:20
Yes you do sound ungrateful. They were bought a present. It's not the end of the world if they don't like it. Smile, say thank you and pass them on to someone else.
Jellyjumpers · 22/10/2018 22:22
Do you have any ideas of things that would have been more useful than the jeans and are these things the person gifting would buy?
Whereisthecoffee · 22/10/2018 22:24
I honestly don’t see your issue with having more than two fleeces , I don’t see the point buying something he didn’t like from the start though. Three year olds like making little decisions so I’d have let him choose one he did want.
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:27
I dont maje a fuss about it at all so the children havent picked up on it. The 3 yr old hates jeans and the younger one looks to be following suit. They are very active and like to be comfy.
If it were my family I'd be able to say to them that it wasn't really what they liked/needed. Although my mum does buy stuff she does tend to buy more casual things.
I do certainly smile and say thank you, but it seems very wasteful. I'm not in a position to just buy whatever I feel like, so giving away or not using £30 pairs of jeans just seems madness. The hoodies weren't expensive but they aren't needed. Whereas sone more pairs of comfy trousers, joggers, etc would be used.
'Re the Pjs, I've bought them as a Christmas present. I won't be returning them. I am asking mil if she would mind changing the ones she got.
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:30
The issue with the hoodies is that the ones they have are very warm, and good quality. They don't really need a third one each, especially when ds1 hates his. Ds2 won't care, but again, not needed. They will both need hats and gloves though, which I will buy. They will both need joggers, and jumpers without hoods, which I will buy.
CallMeOnMyCell · 22/10/2018 22:31
I completely agree with you! I’m grateful that people are kind enough to buy gifts for DD but duplicate items (I now have three pram suits!) are wasteful as I won’t be able to get use of out of them.
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:31
They don't keep clothes at Dads house. They dont stay over. And again, if I sent the jeans and the disliked hoodie, ds1 wouldn't wear them.anyway.
Orlande · 22/10/2018 22:33
Return or sell unneeded gifts and get what you do need. Lots of shops will let you exchange without a receipt.
MrsStrowman · 22/10/2018 22:33
YABU, jeans are a perfectly normal choice for boys and girls, lots of people don't like joggers other than for sports/playing in the garden, and she clearly chose well with the PJs as you'd bought the same ones. There is no reason not to return the ones you bought other than stubbornness. A three year old crying about a fleece is also a bit ridiculous, a third fleece will be useful for winter. You are finding fault where there is none.
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:34
Thanks callme I appreciate the idea of it but wish a little thought went into it. I have said several times, to everyone who might buy them things, that they don't like jeans. Aunts (from both sides) have asked what they like/need.
I find it difficult to speak to them about it as things are rather strained.
FunSponges · 22/10/2018 22:37
YANBU! I was thinking about something very similar today.
At Christmas 1 relative usually buys the DCs pjs. I always buy new for Christmas Eve and they have some others but they also mostly sleep in their underwear anyway as they get hot at night. Then another relative started buying pjs and another. Now there are 3 relatives that all buy both my DCs pjs for Christmas, and some are multi packs. They just don't need it and I'm getting annoyed as not many actually buy for the DCs so they don't get much else. Last year 1 of these relatives bought me a dressing gown. I already have 2 and it was 2 sizes too big. I did exchange it tbh.
I get people are trying to be nice but it wouldn't hurt them to check. I hate money being wasted and would rather have nothing. I always either get something I know 100% will be used/wanted or check with the person first, it's really not that difficult.
queenofelves · 22/10/2018 22:38
YANBU, I don't put my toddler in jeans purely cause they're quite restricting so I prefer her to wear leggings so she can run and climb more easily so if someone bought her some without asking first she wouldn't really get any use out of them.
I don't like the idea of family and friends wasting money on gifts I know DD wouldn't like/play with or on clothes we personally wouldn't put her in so I prefer people to ask before they buy. It may be ungrateful to some but I'd rather people saved their money or if they really wanted to buy a gift then they ask first ￼
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:38
Yes she did choose very well with the Pjs but as I said, I'd bought them and they will be a present so I will be asking her to change the ones she got. Re the jeans, they might well be normal but neither if my children like wearing them. Ds1 refuses. Ds2 is clearly uncomfortable. So I have almost £60 worth of jeans (for a 1 and 3 yr old!) Which won't be worn. I'd rather not have had them, or have had some nice comfy trousers that they are happy to wear. I don't like the idea of selling them on.
donkeysandzebras · 22/10/2018 22:40
I am a complete hypocrite on this. Ever since the Christmas when DD received 3 dressing gowns, none of which came with any form of receipt, I have groaned inwardly when the D.C. receive superfluous presents yet I also moan when various relatives ask for ideas as I find it hard enough to come up with ideas for things I can get them that I don't need to be thinking for three or four other people too.
holasoydora · 22/10/2018 22:41
You mention the other relatives. Are they in your family? My kids have clothes gifts I prefer because they are from my family (being completely honest). But then I have a harsh word with myself because MIL loves buying for them. We get a lot of clothes and it does sometimes irk me when not needed but I just let her. Also your kids might love the clothes next week (three year olds change their minds a lot). Jeans and hoodies go down well with most kids.
Your MIL will be desperate to maintain a link and be a doting grandmother and maybe doesn't know how else to apart from buy things she sees when out. Maybe she finds it awkward to text you to ask what you think. But it shows she thinks of them.
Homemadearmy · 22/10/2018 22:41
I’d keep the pjs, surely they will need more than 1 pair anyway. I don’t see the point in returning them just for the sake of it. As the the fleece, put it away for your younger child if the 3 year old won’t wear it.
Sell the jeans on eBay and use the money to buy hats and gloves.
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:42
It is very wasteful.and it puts me in a difficult situation. I have spoken to family (both sides) about jeans and feel awkward having to say it again. I also made a lot of a lovely soft pair that mil bought for ds1, and was really pleased to pick up a second hand pair in the next size up because he liked wearing them, and told mil.
They do wear joggers quite a bit but they don't look scruffy, they have some lovely clothes that are comfy and allow them a bit of freedom
Homemadearmy · 22/10/2018 22:44
I don’t understand if you are happy to ask her to change the pjs, why didn’t you do the same with the jeans?
fuckitbuckit · 22/10/2018 22:46
YANBU. DS ended up with 16 packets of vests and 25 packets of babygrows in 0-3 month size. Apparently that's all they need at that age ￼
We ended up taking most of them back and buying actual outfits so I could take him outside looking presentable instead of looking like nobody owns him ￼
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:47
Homemadearmy Yes that's a good idea 're the hoody, as ds2 rarely gets to wear new stuff!! He will of course have the other 2 of ds1s to grow into but this one will be new. Although, again, they don't really get much wear out of them. We are quite outdoorsy so layer a lot usually with a waterproof set on top. The hoodies are very thick and it's rarely cold enough (the relatives that bought these are on my side, but abroad in a colder climate, and send them over. I can't return them!)
Sparrowlegs248 · 22/10/2018 22:49
homemadearmy I feel uncomfortable about it all tbh. I feel like "I've already bought them" is a good enough reason, whereas "the 3yr old won't wear them" is a bit shit. Also, I wasn't sure if he would or not. He liked the look of them (they both did) but once he'd had them on for a day he stuck with his usual "I don't like jeans" position.
lau888 · 22/10/2018 22:51
Store credit or exchange, if tags are attached. (Exchanging for the same item in an older size is often a good option!) eBay/NCT/Gumtree (or just donate to charity) and deposit any funds in the kids’ bank accounts if there are no tags. It’s kinder to just accept with thanks and discretely dispose of duplicates when the giver has left. Some people just love to shop. x
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